On Feminism

My Friend Shail, has asked me to voice my opinion on Feminism. There isnt a lot written about Feminism in the Indian context, so I didnt find anything on the web about the Feminist history or revolution in India.

 

I am very wary of any ISM.  To me it means some form of separation, some form of confining, some form of stereotype. FEMINISM is one of them.  ISM’s only work well in Academic Circles, for a thesis,  but life isn’t an ISM.   For those who don’t know me, I am from India.  An Indian, who grew up with one leg in the City and one in the Village, one finger in tradition and other in modernity, half the brain immersed in logic and analysis and the other half immersed in the stuff that science hasn’t yet begun to explain empirically.  I cant speak very much for people in other parts of the world but I can for  the small part of what I have seen around me so far.  I have met people from both ends of the spectrum – the ones who call themselves Feminists and those that have no clue as to what Feminism is.  To me neither are different cause each is doing what they can do under the given set of circumstances they find themselves in.

 

 I Feel we, human beings, are mostly a bundle of contradictions that we aren’t aware of, and therefore an ISM is a box we try to fit ourselves into but mostly don’t.  I dont like the box. I like to see things in all the hues, their combinations, their complements and their tones.   To me Feminism is Knowing and Having the Choice to be who I am at any given Moment without needing to explain the whats and whys of my Gender.

I don’t think Men and Women are Physically/Mentally equal.  For that matter, I don’t think any two men or two women are actually equal cause to me Equal is  Math;  2 + 2 equals 4;  but when we consider attitudes and aptitudes of people there is never a Mathematically equal answer to it. Such is Nature and the way life IS. 

 

Historically, Feminism made its mark in the western world(UK and USA) through women obtaining rights to own property and then through voting rights and equal job opportunities during the industrial revolution and then trickled into the Indian psyche. Many in our rural areas(which form the major bulk of our population) have no clue that there is a concept like Feminism.  When I compare definitions and history of Feminism in the Western World with that of the Indian World, I wonder what they are talking about.    We, Indian women, can rebel, we can argue for/against the definition of Feminism and its manifestation, we can talk about how it should be but in the end when I see how it is in most of our homes and society, I would say, Feminism is a concept that is paid a lot of  lip service.  Things have changed in the past decade and half, its much better but there’s still a sense of injustice against women, more so in places where education and economics fall in the lowest rung.

 

We boast of having Goddesses everywhere but we are a Nation where female infanticide, dowry deaths, daughters being sold so that there’s money to feed the son is quite common. There are Parents who want their Girls to get married even before they become graduates cause “an educated Girl will not adjust to the traditions within our family” or “if the girl is too educated it is difficult to find a groom for her”.  There are Parents who want their now married daughter-in-law to have a kid even before she can think of building a career that she might want, cause the family name has to carry on. The amount of pressure that comes from families regarding such things is amazing.  There are In-laws who don’t want their Daughters in law working cause if she has financial independence, she may question the “elder’s authority” or a divorce could be a possibility. Or if the DIL works and they live in a joint family the money earned is goes to the In-laws.  The way I see it, it isn’t so much about Women’s Rights as it is about Personal Egos, Power and Economics. 

 

Lets look at facts.   70% of our citizens live in rural areas.  Our Country has a literacy rate of about 65%(yes that is a huge number when its over a billion people, but still not enough statistically).  No one talks of how many are educated.  In my opinion for anyone to be aware of rights according to the law, they should have an education not just literacy.  I consider myself educated, yet when I read the Indian Constitution, I feel intimidated over the meanings  and how it is applied. Now, if we talk about doing the right thing,  we would have a wide range of opinions from the chauvinistic/sexist, how women should be kept unseen and unheard to how they should be the ones ruling us.  In my mind, I would do away with the word Feminism and if it has to exist then in all fairness there has to be Masculinism.  If that is not acceptable, lets do Humanity, thats rooted in the idea of Fairness and of Choice.  Its about being Confident, being the person you are regardless of your Gender.  I have seen men who have decided to be stay at home dads because it is practical to do so and it works for their family unit and men who do the “Traditional Men Jobs” very well.   I applaud both kinds of men.    I have seen women do the job of Truckers, soldiers etc… jobs that are traditionally a Man’s job, and I have seen them do the “Traditional Women jobs” very well, I applaud both kinds of women.  

 

Just because a woman wears pants, doesn’t mean she is as good as the Man and just because a Man does the household chores, doesn’t mean he is as good as a Woman.  There is a clear distinction in our abilities and our natural constitution. But there are also abilities that overlap, that both have, that can be used to create a better working family unit.  Nature has made it so purposefully.  For me, Feminism would mean accepting the differences without regret. It is about family units, cause that’s the root of everything in our society.   It isn’t about being Superior or Inferior but about working together, complementing each other.  Man and Woman complement each other in their strengths and weaknesses. 

 

What I would like is, for each Human being, to be able to make a choice about what they want to be without throwing the wrench of Gender in the works. Whether you choose to stay and take care of the home and rear the kids or you choose to work outside and earn fame and fortune, each of those choices comes with a set of consequences, do it without regret.  Whether you choose to stand and fight for something you want or decide to give up a battle, each of those choices comes with its set of consequences, do it without regret.  When things like Rape, Domestic Violence happens, instead of blaming the victim, see it for what it is – a power struggle through oppression.  And it happens to both men and women so look at it as it is and not as a thing about Gender.  Men are mostly quiet about it b’cause of the social stigma attached to being Unmanly…To me, Feminism isn’t about fighting for rights but about doing what is right. You could call it by any other name yet its about Fairness, Choice and doing the Right Thing.