Random Ramble on a Lazy Sunday

I havent watched a lot of bollywood movies since my return from India.   Reasons range from not having unconscious access to hindi movies(like its on TV so I watched while doing my chores) to not having the patience to spend 3 hours watching it. Then last week I watched Delhi 6.. It was entertaining. I didnt like the storyline but it had some funny dialogues.  I didnt like the lack of conclusion in the movie but it was alright to watch it.  There was no song and dance around the trees, which I loved, but it did have a songs in it.  I am out of touch with Bollywood movies...This movie was a Flop in the box-office(I read about it after I saw the movie).  The plot was flimsy. It tries to see Delhi from a US born Desi's point of view and I liked the movement in that view from awe, open to anything, to acceptance and then disgust when things work out weirdly .

I have had a lot to think about, for those who know me, know that my life has never been without the thinking... My husband sometimes teases me before going to bed with "dont start thinking now, and if you are still compelled, think - sleep" cause hes been my recorder for thoughts before bedtime and after 13 years I guess, hes had enough, poor guy.  Ever since my Mother's passing, I have had to seriously question my beliefs.  I  see my life as directionless most times, not that I mind, cause it leads me to unexpected treasures.   But there are times when I wonder, should I actually take control of where I am going?  And my right brain argues with a question, Why? Where do you really want to get to? That stumps me. Cause I dont have a place to get to.. I have a need for moments.. Moments of awe, love, joy, gratitude, growth, knowing, understanding, care etc...so I wonder, do all of you have a Place to Get to and walked in Control of your destinations?

Moving on, I have had it with shelves that are beyond my reach.  The kitchen counters arent at a comfortable height to say knead dough or cut stuff up, the shelves and things that matter are built for TALL people.  Its been my peeve with all the TALL ones, cause they think, just because they can reach up for things and look down on me with such ease, I should be able to do the same.  Their one process job like -  look up and reach,  takes four processes for me - Look up and estimate if I can reach, then find the step-stool,  lift the stool and bring it to the place where I want to reach, then climb up and reach. Thats 1:4 effort, is it any wonder I am tired? Ok, First I am going to find some money and then I am hiring a Tall Handy Person for two months and get them to do all the jobs that require me to Stretch to my limit to reach.  Do you know someone who is over 6 feet tall(I did ask my family members back home but they are unwilling to come for this job description) and would work for food and clothes and is Trustworthy?

This week has been a week of surprises -- He who never reads what I write(my husband) read something  I wrote and said "You should write a book".  I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  I was in serious trouble with all the thoughts I had..what of my children, how are they going to survive without a mother at this age, would they like their step-mother.. etc.. etc.. and realized I had gotten ahead of myself and woke up.  And then two days later, He who never says anything(my dad) said over the phone that he was very proud of how my children have turned out inspite of not having help from my family to bring them up. I had to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming, cause I was so surprised he said it. My dear thoughtful son this week, asked me if I still felt sad about my Mother's passing.. and when I said yes I did sometimes, he told me to tell him about it when I did, so he can give me a Hug. (wiping a tear and thanking heavens above for his preciousness).  My walking in my footsteps, opinionated yet adorable, daughter, said that my flute playing sounded like the song it was intended to play.  Shes not quick to give a compliment.  This week has been such a wonderful week because of all these unexpected Treasures for my Treasure chest.

I have been reading The Law of Attraction and The five love Languages of Children on recommendation from my friend, Sophia.  I now wonder if I had a good week due to the subconscious working on what I read or it was just a good week. Hmm.. doubt is definitely not a good friend of mine, its the rain on my parade. So I am going to stop.  The books are good, though its old wisdom in new packages and new word-definitions... As I read it I realize, I should have wrote down the things my Grandmother did and said instead of labelling it as superstition or tradition.  It would have been a best seller too in the non-fiction section.

Its Sunday, and I havent got anything done, we had a lazy, lazy morning.  Breakfast was boiled eggs, fruits and nuts.  Our Yard looks neat cause we raked the piles of leaves yesterday while the sun decided to shine.  Today, it is cloudy, but I am not feeling cloudy, so its good.  All in all, I have had the best week this week and feeling blessed.  How has your week been?

Have a lovely Sunday and a Productive rest of the week.

Peace
Rashmi.

Olympics, Georgia and Books.

I watched the Opening ceremony  of the Beijing Olympics... Was I impressed? Oh Yes!!!!  it was beautiful, colourful, very precise, showed dedication to wanting it to go well, showed that people believed in the Honour of good work, showed people could work very well as a team if each did their job right, showed people could actually be proud of their history and culture and last but not least, it showed that no one was Cheap in that production team.  The sweetest Icing on my Impressed Cake was when I discovered the next day that - the co-director was Zhang Yimou, the same who directed the Wuxia(Chinese equivalent of the Japanese Samurai) Movies - House of Flying daggers and Hero.  Both movies I enjoyed watching, which implies that the director did a good job telling the story.  The other director was Zhang Jigang, a Chinese Choreographer and Lieutenant General, the only one in China who holds the highest Military rank for a Non-combatant. 

So far I have watched a Football Match between  Ivory Coast and Serbia which was really nice to watch something that I used to enjoy after a long self-imposed exile on watching games. Watched Boxing between Ukraine and Russia, men's and women's Gymnastics, badminton between Singapore and Malaysia, women's volleyball between China and US, gymnastics, basketball between China and US and am still in awe of Yao Ming's height and swimming. 

Closer to home, reading the Medal Tally, India was placed 21st, sharing that place with more than  8 other nations that were in no way comparable with our size in population.  I had such hopes for Marksman Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore, since he made India proud in the Athens Olympics, only to be disappointed. Abhinav Bhindra made it and India won ONE measly Gold medal in Shooting. Bravo!! for a population of over 1 billion, we had 56 athletes, played for 4 days and we got ONE Gold medal..India has only won four individual medals in Olympic history since we sent our first team to the Summer Games in 1928. We didnt send a Field Hockey team(a sport which we have a talent for), cause they didnt qualify(How on earth that happenned, I cant fanthom). In rowing we finished fifth. In Singles badminton,  we lost straight sets 13-21  and 17-21 Man! at least giving a fight would have felt good. In tennis doubles and boxing we qualified for the second round, now its a wait and see.  

On the other hand, An American of Indian descent is part of the  US men's gymnast team, that won the bronze.  Yay! that means that if there was good guidance, importance given to sports, Indians could actually be GOOD at it.  I think we as  a Nation make poor investments in Sports and other Arts. Ok, I am done feeling miserable over the state of Indian sportsmen. Guess, I dont have the right to say things like this, since I am not a sports man and have a tough time staying fit myself.

Moving on to things other than the games-  the day before the Olympics, Russia had a bombing spree with Georgia... While I am not for war, I am not against defending a nations borders. Somethings are inevitable when it comes to nationhood.  I was amused  when the President of US issued a "Stern warning" to Russia to back off...I imagined Russia's Mr. Putin go in a Thick Russian accent-  "what? are you crazy Man? my borders are being bombed, my people are being killed and you want me to sit tight and do nothing while you go all the way around the world to invade Iraq that was no way involved in the 9/11? Come on Man! be a little fair now, Okay?"

Then I read the news on the Sidney Morning Herald -

"RUSSIAN military attacks may be designed to unseat Georgia's pro-US Government, says George Bush, a move that would represent a "dramatic and brutal escalation" of a conflict Washington officials are describing as Cold War-style aggression."
 
I am thinking - AH! what do you expect?  Its okay for you to put a "PRO-US Anti-rest of the world governments" where ever you want but its not okay for someone else to want a Pro-themselves government among their Neighbours?

In this instance I agree with Mr. Putin- ""Mr Putin decried Western "cynicism" for defending what he said was Georgian aggression against separatists in South Ossetia and Abkhazia. "They, of course, had to hang Saddam Hussein for destroying several Shiite villages," he said of the US."

Here's how the conflict began a week ago - From the Asian News
"Clashes broke out on August 7th when Georgian troops penetrated South Ossetia to regain control of the territory."
My thoughts - Ah! so it was Georgia who was the Aggressor.

" Following a war with Georgia in the ‘90’s the two regions of South Ossetia and Abkhazia declared independence from Tbilisi, an independence that has not been recognised by the International community but has Russian support."
My thoughts -  Of course, its not convenient for the US to recognize Independence of South Ossetia and Abkhazia(considered as an economically lucrative territory by Georgia which has Israel's support, as they trade oil through Georgia in the Caspian sea)

U.S. President George W. Bush demanded Russia end its armed conflict with Georgia calling it an “invasion”. French President Nicolas Sarkozy, current EU president, heads to Moscow today to lead efforts to end hostilities and bring Russia to a ceasefire.  But a Russian spokesperson says that the Kremlin will not accept any compromise that does not condemn what it calls Georgia’s “aggression”."

My thoughts -  Georgia has oil pipelines,  so its lucrative had the same thing happened in some god-forsaken place in Africa, no one would have DARED comment on it.  Now, its ok for a Super-power to go to a Nation some thousands of Miles across the ocean on a Pre-emptive Strike/Invasion of another nation in-spite of that nation not touching your borders but it isn't alright for a nation to respond when the Neighbour raids your Borders(as is the case with Russia)? How is the US able to keep a Straight-face when it tells Russia to do exactly the opposite of what US did under circumstances that wasn't as Serious as it is with Russia?  And then the US wonders why the International Community has no respect for their words and force them to use the "threats of not so desirable repercussions"?(striking my forehead with exasperation)

I finished reading parts of the huge pile of books I got from the library.  I tend to read a few books together, guess it has to do with my scatter-brained-ness.  So right now.. reading "The namesake-Jhumpa Lahiri" "The undiscovered Chekhov - Anton Chekhov, translated by Peter Constantine" "Arranged Marriage-Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni" "Eats, shoots and leaves-Lynne Truss" "Billions and Billions-Carl Sagan" and  "Haunted Mesa - Louis L'amour". It will probably take me a while until I can say I finished reading.  

Note to Self - Do One thing at a Time if you really learned from the Book on Mindfulness.

Done with Thoughts that no one needs to listen to but still needs Venting.

Off to do chores while Wishing you all a good day

Peace Always 
Rashmi.

Entry for July 29th 2008

Random Rambling - Feminism, terrorism, annoyances etc.

There are some people or situations in life that make me regress into my past.    I studied in an All Girls College.  Most Girls were from very traditional families. Most there for their ticket to marriage.  The Bridegroom market was filled with demanding Men, they want a girl with a degree so that she could work to bring in the extra income, so you had to  make yourself saleable(yeah I am cynical). Its not an unreasonable demand, you could either ask for an unreasonable amount of dowry(no, I am not saying every Man asks for it.. but its a prevailing pattern in our society) where the materials gained would become old fashioned in a decade or you could have a working woman which will bring in a steady trickle of money that will move with the ebb and flow of inflation and never be outdated.

We had a very strict Lecturer for Botany, she was a kind but very Firm teacher, knew her subject well, and she knew her job well, she wouldnt tolerate nonsense from her students.  Submitted work had to be of impeccable quality else we will end up redoing or losing marks. Once after a test, she was really disappointed with the overall performance of our class and she let us know. We got a Verbal Lashing from her. She didnt pick anyone in particular, for which I was glad.  She didnt say anything that wasnt the truth for which I am thankful but(yes, there's always a but in my thoughts) I couldnt agree with her thoughts completely at that time.  I never voiced my opinion for such things werent Done in my time.

She said that we were such a blessed group of girls to have the opportunity to go to college. That we ought to be grateful to our parents for it.  She felt that most of us were there to "pass time" till we get married, that we were wasting the opportunity someone more interested in a career would want.  The competition for a seat in the college was really high.  That in a world where women had to fight for equal rights within careers and families, we were the women who brought their work to naught. That if all we intended was to get married and become mothers, we didnt need to get to college for that.  I agreed with most of her statements but I couldnt agree with the concept of feminism or that getting married and having kids means we dont need an education. I felt even if the girls there didnt make careers out of the subject, having an educated Mother was a blessing for the future generations. For it is a Mother who is a child's first teacher.  I felt any "Ism"  taken to an extreme would bring results that arent conducive to growth, its like watering a plant too much- the roots will rot.  I felt that while feminism was good to a certain degree it did have the not so desirable repercussions.   That it wasnt so much wanting to be equal with a Man(which will never happen given our biological/emotional make up, we will always remain Complementary never Equal) as it was to have the CHOICE of taking paths which lead to our empowerment,  being able to work in the field of our choosing without being discriminated...Just wearing a trouser doesnt make us equal.  What would make us Equal would be-- same pay-scale  for the same jobs(which still doesnt happen in 3/4th of the worlds workforce), being able to take over each others reproductive functions(which could happen given the leaps in technology  but will remain an oddity)  etc.

Why am I writing this? Cause a while ago I had this conversation - "Are you working?"  Me- "No"  them -"Oh! but dont you think its a waste of your education to not be using it to Work and bring in good money?"  Me - "I suppose."  I didnt want to go into the lengthy explanation/defense/justification of why it doesnt work for me within the bounds of what I want for my family.

Most everything in life has a pattern.   I guess having a pattern makes it easy, to get through our day.  I am fine with most patterns, but there are patterns that make me really annoyed. One of them is the way India deals with terrorism.  There isnt any pro-active system in place to check terrorists inspite of wallowing in the problem for 61 years.

I came back from a vacation to news about a series of Bomb Blasts in Bangalore, the place of my birth and at Ahmedabad in the state of Gujarat, killing about 45 people and wounding about 161. Ok, this isnt the first time this has happened, its not the first time a minuscule amount is killed(sarcasm intended). Amazing! they dont have an exact count of anything do they, the counts are prefixed with "about".   I was apathetically annoyed as usual, until I read the name of the group that claimed responsibility for the 16 serial blasts in Ahmedabad and 7 in Bangalore called themselves INDIAN Mujahideen. Yes, in this particular instance, I stand in objection, I was appalled at the word "Indian" associated with "Mujahideen".. How can anyone who wants to destroy their own home be part of the same family.. NO WAY!!  If you call yourself Indian then you would work FOR India not Against her.  In a Macro-view when you say you are a particular National then it is same as saying you belong to a particular family, in the micro-view.  Just like how you wouldnt work to destroy your Home and Hearth, you wouldnt want to destroy the building of your Nation with Bomb Blasts aimed at terrorizing the population and destroying what already Stands and works for you. Definitely, there are other ways to get what you want without the mayhem and killing sprees. Call yourselves what ever you wish but DO NOT associate yourselves with the word INDIAN cause what you are doing is totally against the very Idea of Indian.  You arent Indians. You can never grasp the essence of what INDIAN is.   Yes, I do take it upon myself to define what an Indian is for its a privilege I have been bestowed at my birth.   In my definition an Indian most always, is associated with the concept of putting the Nation above religious ties, Live and let Live and of Non-violence.  We wouldnt have had a Working Democracy if it wasnt for those principles. hmm.. did I go overboard with my emotions? 

Yes, I am angry. No, scratch that,  Actually  I am sad, that the place where I was born is being smeared with such nonsense. I fear that its being transformed into something I may not recognize when I go back(I know thats such a selfish wish), that I will  probably become a stranger in my own home.  I have seen it peaceful, calm and hospitable,  as a garden city, as a place for families to live, grow and be happy.  I also feel hopeless, cause I know that terrorism cant be solved unless we as a people take a route that is against our principle of Live and Let Live.  We might in the future, have to stop praising India as a Secular Nation, cause you cant have Secularism when every deed and law within the nation revolves around the religious affiliation of its people, either to appease the Minority for votes or get the money of the majority for the running of the government.  

This is long, will stop for now.

Retreating back to my quiet corner
Rashmi.

Random Rambling.

I am going to go wherever my mind goes today and live up to the alias of Minds Nomad.    There have been things simmering in the background.  Giving my mind a break from logically connected thinking.  Hail to Randomness!

Three weeks ago a Cyclone hit Myanmar(formerly a British colony re-named Burma for convenience, derived from the name of the majority ethnic group, Bamar).  So many are dead. The official death numbers vary.  There is no way to know the exact numbers because of the political situation in Myanmar.  So many are homeless and aren’t accounted for.  Their Government is a Military Dictatorship, very wary of interference from any western nations and I guess they do have a good reason to be wary. It’s a matter of holding on to the Political power the Military has and the fact that the West doesn’t have a history for aiding any Nation without some Economic/Political Gain/Interest. 

I was listening in on the NPR program “World have your say” a few days ago and it was very apparent from what the host was saying - that the West wants to use this disaster for political leverage. They want to offer aid on the condition that the Myanmar Government take steps to become a Democratic nation.  I call it the Wests three step Evangelization program -1. Democratic Evangelization, making way for  2. Religious Evangelization,  making way for 3. Economic Evangelization.  They also want a West Friendly Government(read, a government that will succumb to any pressure that the West uses to make a Economic or Political or Religious headway within that nation) installed. One of the questions the Host asked was “Is it true that the US would not win no matter what they did.  Whether they send in aid or if they don’t send in aid, either way they are going to be wrong?”  Most people who called in to answer went into an explanation why that is so.  But the host got a little too aggressive(of course that’s my opinion) when he cut off their explanations saying “that doesn’t answer the question”.  I thought the answer was obvious “Yes, they are in a no win situation and they have no one to blame but themselves. If you need proof look into the history of their aid offering to other nations; it is always followed by some kind of pre-condition.  They move in like the Camel, in the story of the Camel and the Tent- example Okinawa in Japan, military bases in Europe, military presence in Middle East, Africa, South America and Asia.  Basically telling the other nation – “Now I’ve got you by your tail Buddy.  I am going to sit in your nation and watch you like a hawk, let me see you escape this.”

Now what makes me feel bad is that numerous people will die because of the Egos of the Political Factions within the Nation and the Greed of the ones who can offer add.  This probably has always been and will always be.  But can you blame me for hoping that human beings will show their Nobler side?  That the powerful will offer aid just because they can and not because they can negotiate what to get for that aid?  That is my Idealistically Emotional side speaking.

 

On the other hand, my Philosophical Witness side watches the way Nature takes care of herself.  Yes, she is becoming more polluted in her waters, in her air etc.. the Reason – Population of Human Beings and the hazards we bring in with Civilization and Modernization .. the solution – large scale removal of life.  A sort of cycle of cleansing, just like our body – what we put in, is sorted into what can be used, repaired, stored and thrown out and there are organs doing just that. When our system gets overwhelmed with the repairing, we age and die.  I watch nature do the same, with respect to our Earth.

The other sad news was of the earthquake in China.  Again so many are dead, or buried under the rubble.  Schools have collapsed with students in them.. I cant imagine the grief the Chinese Parents feel, who by law can only have ONE child.  Life as they knew it, is done.   I could go on and on about how disaster can change ones life, but it will not really make much of an impact unless we experience it. 

There were simultaneous bomb blasts in Jaipur, in places of worship and places where people were gathering in large numbers.  Yes, terrorist attacks.  India has a thorn on her head(Jammu and Kashmir) and it cant be removed given its historical perspective.  So we go through the constant desecration of our holy places and death of our people and move on.  A few more deaths among a billion right?(sarcastic)

I had a friend at college who I considered my best friend.  She fell in love and had a complete personality change and then changed her religion too.. Something I didnt approve of. If someone wanted to convert after studying and practising a particular religion and felt that it resonates with their nature, its the right thing to do. In her case, the way I saw it, being Hindu was good enough to fall in love with, but it wasnt good enough to get married.  The condition that she had to "convert to the Man's religion"  to marry; well, it smacks of a politico-religio agenda not Love. But I let it go cause I thought she was happy.  I didnt ask her why she made such a drastic decision when all that she was, was partly because she was Hindu. I wanted to, but I didnt, I thought that was overstepping the bounds of friendship cause, I dont believe in having to dig something out of a person, if she trusted me enough she would have explained without my asking.  But the thing I couldnt get past is that she did not come to my wedding.  We havent met since that day. I miss her, I keep  her in my thoughts but I am not in contact with her.  Would I want to?  Yes, some day when my heart doesnt smart at the thought of all the unanswered questions. Rationally I know I sound petty, I should let this go, but its not everyday that I get married and it wasnt that she was Far away from where I was getting married, just about 10 kilometers, it wasnt that she wasnt well either. 

My friend Claudia asked me if I ever felt unworthy in my own eyes.  This might seem weird, but I never found the need to measure my worth.  I am a bundle of contradictions, goodies and flaws, sometimes I am on top of the world, sometimes I am in a bottomless pit, sometimes I am in between, I am not a genius but I am not stupid either, I just oscillate between the two at different times. I try not to have illusions about what I am capable off or how I look or what I know or dont know.  I just know that what ever I am at that moment, is what I am, as I cant erase whats done.  When I am aware, I notice I dont have an ego when it comes to connecting with trees, rocks, rivers, earth etc. but my Ego does comes in the way of connecting with people, I notice the fear and conditioning I hold that has been handed down to me.  I notice times when I feel hurt because someone I cared about looked down on me, but I cant stay hurt all the while... I am too lazy, I dont have the perseverance for it. I cant hold grudges for the very same reason, I get tired of it too quickly and I will find something else to do, something that is actually joyful.  When I am not aware, I  become, petty, angry, impatient, judgemental, lose perspective and make the biggest blunders a person of my size could ever make.  I figured that no matter where I am in my life, there will always be people above me and people below me, so I spend my effort, learning from those above me, teaching those below me and walking carefully so that I dont trample either ones to get where-ever it is that I need to get to.

My cousin, who my Mother Admires very much, said something very profound. I asked her what she thought life was.  She said, its those few Grand Events and lots of maintenance to get to those Grand Events.  She is 3 years younger than I am.  I wanted to hug her for what she said but I didnt cause I didnt want my Mother say  "See I told you she was Wise".  As amazing a person my Mother is, its rare for her to appreciate anything I am.  The ONE person I would like approval from never grants it to me.  Its one of those puzzling ironies of my life. When I complained about this to My Other best friend from College, she said "Let it go, your mom's old, she could pass anytime, let her go in peace" and I had to retort "which is more of a reason why she should tell me she appreciates me" Of course, we laughed about it.  Yes, I was being childish.
 
I cant figure how to act 37 years old.  I dont feel 37, some days I wake up thinking I have to get to college(about 16 or 18 years old)  but other days, I can hear my bones creek and I just want to curl up and sleep for a week.  Somedays, my husband says that he cant make out the difference between me and  my kids....hmm.. he needs glasses doesnt he? Today I am tired, the reason being this new kid at the school where I work part-time... He's very young and not ready to go to  school. He is doing everything he can to ensure his staying home.  Today, he threw 3 tantrums in 2 hours, I literally prayed for Compassion for him.  We had to make sure he doesnt hurt himself so One of the teachers had to sit with him.  Finally we had to call his mother to take him home.  We have to balance the time spent with each of the kids at school, if we pay all our attention to ONE then the other kids get shortchanged. These are the times, I wish I was psychic, so I could read what was going on in his head, it would have helped to figure how to help him transition into a school going kid.

Its late and this blog is long.  I better get some sleep. Got to work tomorrow.

Peace always
Rashmi.

Entry for February 25, 2008

Random Thought of the day- The Gift, not accepted, remains with the Giver.

In one of my weekend conversation with the little ones, I said that just because there are unkind kids at school doesnt mean that they have to be unkind to others.  I do subscribe to the view that we dont need to let others mould us into something we dont want to be. Of course, its not an original thought, it did come somewhere from my childhood readings of Buddha.  Specifically it came from a story I heard a long while ago.  It goes something like this- 

During his numerous wanderings, Buddha was once invited by a rich man to have dinner at his home.  So at the appointed time Buddha arrives at the man's house and realizes that the Man had an agenda.   The Man  began to verbally abuse the Buddha for his teachings, the kind of man he was and the kind of followers he had.  Buddha sat quietly until the man was done talking after which he got off his seat and left. The Disciples were very agitated with what they saw. They asked him why the Buddha did not say anything while the man was clearly being rude. The Buddha replied- I did not accept his gift and hence it is with him. 

The idea is that Hatred does not end hatred so do not retaliate in Kind.  Of course this applies only for what we view as negative behaviour. We would want to repay Kindness with kindness and Love with Love. 

But as I told my kids to not be unkind even though the other is unkind, I was contradicting my own words in my mind.   I have seen that not retaliating is considered as a weakness by most. I have seen that the Nice kids are the ones who become targets for bullying.  I see the ones who are unruly are the ones who get to get away with what they do. And I wondered if I was doing right by my kids, telling them to be kind inspite of the unkindness.  I wondered if I wasnt handicapping them in some way.  If I wasnt making room for someone to think they can take advantage of them just because they are well-mannered-good kids(at least for the most part).  Does that quote hold in today's world?

I hate the conflict my ideal world and the real world creates.  It annoys me to see that what I see as right and want to teach  kids to be like would become a hurdle for them to cross. 

I struggle everyday with what I should do and say and how I should become so that my kids would have the ethics but also the smarts to  live in a not so NICE world.   How do we do whats right and make sure our kids arent scarred in some way?  How do we  make them People with a conscience in a everyday world without a conscience?

Walking  in motherhood limbo
Rashmi.

Entry for October 12, 2007 (360 repost)

Random Thought of the Day - All is as it should be. At any given moment, You are where You are supposed to be.

When it comes to religious beliefs, I can range anywhere from being an atheist to a fundamentalist. Although I associate myself with the label of Hindu, I would very much like to use the label- Human. When I look at events where the media quotes the perpetrator of some roit or communal violence, as Hindus, I do feel ashamed for carrying that label. Yes, I do understand that the media quotes are motivated by politics and economics and that the truth can never be found on the NEWS. But it still puts me to shame that we(Hindus) weren't intelligent enough to avoid blame or to behave differently. These are the times I feel like a fundamentalist, that somehow we were right and our path is the right one and the ONLY one and everyone/thing else is wrong. Of course, I cant live on that island of thought for long cause my rational side takes over and will fight its way through to the Live and let live side. My Rational Side has a (I am exagerrating by 1/4's)99.9% chance of always winning(with the exception of arguments with my kids and husband).

As I was reading to my kids the story of Prahlad, I remembered the story of Hiranyakashupu(Prahlad's father) and Hiranyaksha(Hiranyakashupu's brother) that I had read sometime ago. Hiranyakashupu and Hiranyaksha were in their previous life, the doorkeepers at Vaikunta, the abode of Lord Vishnu. It is said that the Kumara rishi's-Sanaka, Sanandana, Sanatana, Sanatkumara and Sanatsujata, came to pay obeisance to Lord Vishnu at Vaikunta. Jaya and Vijaya the door keepers at Viakunta refused to let them in and spoke to them with arrogance. The angered rishis cursed them to a live life on earth forgetting their godliness and closeness to Vishnu. When Jaya and Vijaya realized their folly, they begged Sri Vishnu to help them stay. So Vishnu says that since the exalted ones curse always comes to pass he could only offer a compromise.. He gave Jaya and Vijaya a choice between living on earth for 7 lives as Devotees of Vishnu or 3 lives as Enemies of Vishnu. They wanted to be back at the Lords feet at the earliest so they chose to be enemies of Vishnu in three yugas. In the Krita Yuga(part of the Hindu time cycle, I have a site for it on my blogroll if you are interested in reading about it)they were Hiranyaksha and Hiranyakashupu, In the Treta Yuga they were Kumbakarna and Ravana and in the Dwapara Yuga they were Shishupala and Dantavakra. Hiranyaksha and Hiranyakashupu were considered as Asuras(those embodied with personalities that are quick to choose Anger, Indulgence, Greed etc).

As I remembered, I suffered a sudden insight into why I tend to not act when according to those in my life, I should have. I end up rooted to the spot, lost in thought- This is karma in action. I wonder what my relationship was with this person, in my previous births. Was she/he my friend, child, lover, parent, family elder, the person from my village, my debtor, my creditor, my neighbour? I say Previous Births because I cant see myself as being all that I am today just with the knowledge gained from the last three decades, definitely there must have been many lifetimes through which I have gained certain insights that make me so SURE about certain things in life. Now why I cant remember all my other lives, I havent yet worked on the theory that has convinced me yet. I see myself as a speck or blob of energy. If materially we are composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen and each of those elements are composed of atoms, then at the core, we must be an intangible(spiritual) form of energy(of course I wouldn't get a Nobel Prize for that kind of Theory).

This would further be an explanation for the old stories of yore about people levitating, being able to move stuff without touching them, knowing what the animals talk about etc. which is presently considered as a Con. Imagine if all you had to do was to manipulate the way energy flows around you or within you to change an outcome. God, can be explained as that person who through discipline, focusing on the balance, harmony and the present, is able see the whole (as in all that is there in the Universe) picture and manifest changes that is in accordance with the Law of Nature. This might probably be a symbiotic working of all that is there within the known and unknown realms. So it does make sense if the Hare Krishna's say that all is Lila (a play directed by God). Depending on where we stand to view this energy, we could say its outside, inside, both inside and outside, neither inside or outside, non-existent, exists but not understandable, part of us or separate from us.

Applying this thought to all the events happening in our world and the people involved in these events, I feel everything is as it should be. I should not be agitated by the workings of Politicians, the citizens, the criminals etc. because they are just all living out their Nature in accordance with what their Karmic agreements are. Is that an apathetic view? I don't know. If we are all doing what we are supposed to be doing, then maybe it seems chaotic only if we watch them at the same level as the events, Maybe if we flew in an airplane looking down, the events would seem very patterned, very orderly, in the process of various degrees of movement or stillness.

I could go on with this till the cows come home but my feet just landed on the ground. So I am Done with Being the Dreamer/Thinker for the day. Now back to Chores in the my world.

As Usual

Pondering while working

Wishing all Peace

Mithuna.

Entry for September 03, 2007 (360 repost)

Random thought of the day - The Key to Harmonious Life is Honesty unto yourself.

They say that when you are drunk or when you are angry, you say the things that you have held in your core self. I know this, because I have lived with the drunk and the perpetually angry. Don't Ever say, "I didn't Mean it" after you are sober or not angry anymore; For in the final analysis, if you really cared about the person or cared about the relationship you share with this person, even in the drunkenness and anger you will care enough to temper what you say. Most times after you are sober, you will worry about the consequences of what you said, which is why you give yourself the excuse "I didn't mean it". Don't come back to me after you betray my trust and give me non-sense like "It just happened" cause in my eyes, nothing really happens, you lead yourself up to it. No event happens in itself, there are always indicators, its just a matter of you seeing it, acknowledging it and deciding what action you are going to take. Yes, we slip up. Yes, we are surprised by results because we forgot to be aware every moment, we excuse it as "being human" but it never late to correct it. If you don't correct it then you will push yourself into a vicious cycle of lies, where you will tell yourself more lies to justify the previous lies. Soon you can't tell the difference between a lie and a truth. This will reflect on the outside too. This is when other people will begin to view you as a person lacking in Integrity. You see, it didn't start with them accusing you as such a person, but by you letting yourself become that person. Their accusations will offend you, cause within you, you are annoyed that they know your secret.

And no, I am not trying to be righteous here, I am only trying to give you my view on why being honest with yourself is important. It is more important than being honest with those outside of you. To someone outside of you, you can always say "I can't/wont/don't want to tell you" and walk away. But how are you going to walk away from yourself? Drugs, liquor, one night stands, other forms of entertainment will give a respite from acknowledging what you are. But, you are the only person you are with 24/7, so its only logical to make yourself comfortable with you, keep yourself clean inside and out. Honesty is like the cleaner. In Being honest with yourself, you learn to behave better, cause only when you are honest can you see what needs improvement within yourself and work for it. That is the way you grow into that person you want to be, that someone you can look in the eye no matter what, without regret, guilt or shame. When we live in that zone of comfort within ourselves, we are comfortable with others around us. That is what Harmony means, to be in comfort with yourself and the surroundings.

Peace always,

Mithuna

Note to self : Be more aware of what you do at all times, that way you can be more honest with yourself, and live in Harmony.

P. S. Thank you Timberghost, your question made me think enough to write this out.

Entry for August 11, 2007

Random thought of the day - The best Gift you could give someone, is the Gift of Your Time.

Kids are having their vacation. Now they can wake at what ever time they want, do what they want, at least for the most part, of course there is a basic structure for the day with times for eating, playing, studying and cleaning up. I thought that once the vacation starts there would be less of hurrying to get the stuff done on time.

It would do me good to live up to the meaning of my name-Rashmi which is Sanskrit for Sun rays implying warmth, but for some strange reason, I tend to live up to the Pronunciation of my Name-Rush me. It has been my constant effort to not hurry. I have seen too many people succumb to hurry around me. They hurry so much that they can't see what is right in front of them. They can't appreciate their kids genuinely. They can't see the value of their friends or their family cause they are in such a hurry. Everything becomes a formality. Don't you hate it when someone comes over to meet you, like a whirlwind(stay for less than half an hour) because they are busy? If you are really that caring, why not give the other the Gift of Your Time? We hurry so much that we end up with stress related diseases, accidents, anxiety, worry leading to high blood pressure and diseases related to it. I try not to make that mistake, but it is not to be so. Most times I tend to hurry over something - "Oh! Hurry, you need to call parents before they go to bed(they being in India and me in the USA). Hurry! Hurry! finish cooking, cause the kids will feel hungry early today cause they didn't eat lunch. Hurry! else you will miss the start of the movie. Hurry! else you will - (ah put your words here)." I need someone to blame for all the hurrying I do, don't I? How could I say that I am bad at managing time? If I could get that person who invented the concept of measuring time, I think I will strangle them. But I will have to go back in time(oops I cant do without time can I?) for that, maybe to the Earliest Egyptian or the Roman Civilization. That's when someone decided that they needed water clocks and sundials to measure time. So noble they were that they thought everyone will be grateful to them for inventing those devices- Well, I am not pleased at all!!! They even have a name for the study of clocks- Horology - the study of the art and science of timekeeping devices. Horology.. hmm is it related to Horus, the falcon headed Egyptian god of the sky? I don't know.. just wondering.

I think life would have been better without the clock, at least it would make people really listen and give the gift of time to those around them. Instead of half listening with pre-occupation of what they need to get done next, feeling like a psychotherapist, "Your time is up, Next." The result is, I see kids who are needy for time from adults, I see elders who are lonely, I see friends who become cynical with the feeling that there is nothing called friendship, I see couples who havent spoken to the other all week-All from the Lack of time. I wish I could slow time down. I wonder if Einstein's idea can be implemented practically, so that we can actually slow time down. What would its repercussions be? Would our muscles weaken? Would our bones collapse at the slightest impact? Going to stop for now.. Take care of yourselves-Let your bodies get enough rest, let your minds float for a while, let your lips curve with joy and listen to your hearts sing. Wishing you all remember to give the Gift of Time to those you care about. Have a lovely weekend.

Off to where my feet are, taking my head away from the clouds.

Signing off

Mithuna.

Note to Self : Remember to Give the gift of time to your kids, family and friends. Don't worry about what needs be done next, the world doesn't end if you take a little while longer. Work on having a realistic expectation of what can get done in 24 hours.