Poetry Wednesday- We Have Time by Octavian Paler

WE HAVE TIME

By Octavian Paler
Translated by Sorana Lucia Salomeia

We have time for everything :
to sleep,

to run from one place to another,
to regret having mistaken and to mistake again,
to judge the others and to forgive ourselves,
We have time for reading and writing,
for making corrections to our texts,

to regret ever having written,
we have time to make projects

and never respect them,
we have time to make illusions

and gamble through their ashes later on.
We have time for ambitions and illnesses,
to blame it all on ambitions and details,
we have time to watch the clouds,

advertisements or some ordinary accident,
we have time to chase our wonders away
and to postpone the answers,
we have time to break a dream to pieces

and then to reinvent it,
we have time to make friends, lose them,
we have time to learn our lessons

and then forget them quickly afterwards,
we have time to be given gifts

and not understand them.
We have time for them all.
But there is no time for just a drop of tenderness.
When we are about to get to that too – we die.
I have learned some things during my lifetime,
experiences that I am now sharing with you!!
I have learned that you cannot make somebody love you;
All you can do is be the beloved one.
Everything else… depends on the others.
I have learned that, no matter how much I might care,
Others might not care at all.
I have learned that it could take years to earn somebody’s confidence
And only a few seconds to lose it.,
I have learned that it is not WHAT you have in life,
But WHO is there for you to have.
I have learned that charms could be of use

for only About 15 minutes,
Afterwards, nevertheless,

you had better know something.
I have learned that you should never compare yourself
to what others can do better than you,
but you what you can do yourself;
I have learned that what happens to the others

is not as important as what I can do to help;
I have learned that in whatever you might cut things,
They will always turn out to have two sides;
I have learned that when you have to depart from your dearest ones,
you should do it with the warmest words;
It could be the last time you see them.
I have learned that you could carry on for a long time
After stating you cannot take it any longer;
I have learned that heroes are those who do what is right,
when they ought to, regardless of the consequences;
I have learned that there are people who love you
But do not know how to show it;
I have learned that when I am upset I have
the RIGHT to be so
But I do not have the right to be mean as well;
I have learned that true friendship continues
to exist even when great distances are involved
And that goes for true love too.
I have learned that, if somebody does not love you
the way you might want to be loved,
It does not mean they do not love you with all their heart.
I have learned that no matter how good a friend might be to you,
They will inevitably hurt you from time to time
And you will have to forgive;
I have learned that it is not always enough to be forgiven by others,
Sometimes you must learn how to forgive your own self;
I have learned that, regardless of how much you might suffer,
The world will never cease running because of your pain.
I have learned that the past and circumstances

could alter your personality,
But it is certainly YOU

to be held responsible for what you become;
I have learned that, if two people argue,

it does not mean they do not love each other,
As well as their not arguing

would not prove that they subsequently are in love.
I have learned that you should sometimes

put the person in the first place
And not their deeds;
I have learned that two persons could be watching the very same thing
And perceive two totally different meanings;
I have learned that, in spite of any consequences,
Those who are fair and honest with themselves
reach higher peaks in life;
I have learned that one’s life could be changed
in only a few hours’ time
By people who might have never even known them;
I have learned that when you believe there is
nothing more you could offer,
You will always find the strength

to help a friend who in need.
I have learned that writing,
Just like speaking,
Could soothe your inner pain.
I have learned that the ones you hold dearest
Are taken away from you far too soon…
I have learned that it is far too difficult to realize
Where to draw the borders

between kindness, not hurting the others
and firmly sustaining your ideas.
I have learned to love
In order to be loved in my turn.

I got this poem via email from a very dear friend.  I dont know much about Octavian Paler.  Next to the Desiderata, this was one that felt would touch anyone, anywhere in the world.

To read the Romanian Version of this(Claudia, this is specially for you :) ) you could go here. 

Thank you SansSouci for hosting Poetry Wednesday. 

Idea of You

Your Thoughts ripple,

In perfect harmony with mine.

The light in your eyes,

Giving me perfect warmth.

Your mind reaches out,

Sending a hum through mine.

Though distant, Feeling close,

I wish to hang on to the idea of you.

If I could, I would,

Like sleep hanging on to the dream.

How Sad a life we lead,

Dying with unquenched desires.

But should it be so,

May you live a little longer than I.

2007 - looking back

The obvious thing about the last year is that I aged by ONE more year.  One more wrinkle to show, a few more grays at the temple and a couple of pounds to add(wish I could say subtract).   

 

Apart from that, I feel almost the same as I did in 2006.  I still range from feeling like an inadequate, inept 16 year old to feeling like a very grounded, too ancient to put an age person. I dont know how to feel like I am going to be 37.  I wish there was someone who would tell me.  I still am easily amused, I giggle a lot. I still like spicy food.  I still look for my Utopia, with Perfection and Idealism for Pillars, though my rational knows it doesn’t exist.  I haven’t yet mastered the art of saying NO.  Still getting acquainted with the different sides of me. Still enjoy reading, being the watcher/observer, knowing more things that interest me. And shoes that I bought some 5 years ago still fits me(oh! the wonder of things).

 

The year was filled with mixed blessings-We are sort of settled into the house and the routine of life.  Vijay(my husband) made a trip alone to India(home). He finally made the trip to Amarnath and Vishnodevi(pilgrimage), after talking about it for almost 6 years now(I am glad to have that out of the way).  He met his family and his langoti yaars (diaper-hood friends) and enjoyed his 5 week stay.  I think he’s beginning to feel his age, he recently wondered if he should buy a motorcycle.  To me he’s still the bluntly honest, hard to offend, funny, sharp, Practical(as opposed to my head in the clouds) person that I met 17 years ago.

 

My son is in KG this year. He has begun to read, enjoys reading Curious George, Clifford books and any book that has dinosaurs or animals as the topic.  He loves to draw, colour and make “inventions” with empty boxes, wires, yarn etc.  Daughter is in 2^nd grade.  She likes art and Math and the Why’s of things.  She’s become quite fluent at reading and has graduated to chapter books of about 200 pages each.  With it comes new hassles for mommy(me)- Now I have added to my list of Nags “Poonam, put that book away. Your dinner/breakfast is getting cold”.  She has my Youth Gene for wanting to finish the book before doing anything else. .

 

I began to send them for Piano lessons and they had their first recital in Dec.  I was nervous but they did so well.  I was amazed.  Both have begun reading music too which I thought was tough to do for my son.   I also got my daughter to attend Yoga classes and my son  Tae Kwon Do classes.. initially , I wanted my daughter to learn some form of martial art too, but after a lot of talking I realized, she just wasn’t interested in it… My son passed his first belt exam too. He had to break a board for it(yes! he was thrilled he could do it and so was I).

 

I introduced my kids to Hindi, I hope to have them at least reading and writing hindi by the time they finish their 10 grade.  I want them to have a link to the language of their ancestors.  I plan on teaching them Spanish and some of my dialect too so that they will know a few languages between them.   In a way, language is a bond that keeps people together.  So I want to equip them with something that shows them the common thread in all the differences.

 

My Paternal grand-mom passed away in October, she was 92.   I did not go for her funeral(its probably going to be a regret I am going to have for the rest of my life).  My Mother has the fixed routine with dialysis and other medical complications. My dad is the sole caregiver.  I am the long distance Vent your Anger here Person, when I call home I let my parents Vent.  On one hand its sad to see the role reversal but on the other that’s all I can do sitting here. To a degree it eases my guilt of not being there in their time of need. 

 

I finally got around to fulfilling one of my childhood dreams… I started taking Flute lessons.  I just started so I have a long way to go before I play like a Musician.  The beginning was very frustrating, I had to retrain my fingers, I still get confused.  But my ear is begun to train itself, before I knew when something didn’t sound right, now I have begun to understand why doesn’t sound right.  The last class, I was finally able to play a duet with my teacher, keeping time and playing correctly.  Of course I stuck with the most simple music – Greensleeves - its an old tune that I love humming to myself.  Was I thrilled?  Oh yes!! I was, though it didn’t last long when he asked me to play the Turkish march by Beethoven.  Arggh!! thats the assignment for next week...

 

That’s my last year… This year, I haven’t made any resolutions but I am going to keep the words, Discipline, Organization of Time and Resources, Focus(spiritually/emotionally/financially) and Compassion for those I am presently living with in mind.  Hopefully at the end of this year I will say “I had the most blessed year”.

 

Still feeling like all is as it should be

Rashmi. 

Waterfalls

Bubbling from the depths
Flowing from the melts
Building rock castles
Sculpting sand in pastels.

You look weak,
Vulnerable and meek
Yet you have unseen strength
To Be who you Are
To Go where you will
To Quench those you choose.

No one dare stop
The One with a plan
For when they do-
Their containers, you fill
Their emotions overflow
Forcing them to acknowledge
Your formless, passive courage.

Time for reckoning
The bends and the flexes
The windings and the rushes
Creating awareness
Of their emptiness and fullness
Of tides High and Low
Showing your Persistence
Devoid of any Resistance
Cascading into
 Your True Power.

Jan 17th 2008

Today I feel very restless, stuck.  The reason, well, its reasons that reason knows not.  Its these times that I wish to be Air, “That is elemental, Mr. Watson” (I know that’s elementary! Mr. Holmes turns in his literary grave).  Right now, if I could blow where I please, I would be in Hawaii, enjoying the warmth of sunshine, basking like a seal on the beach or maybe in India with my cousins chomping down some really spicy Chaat, or maybe in that old fort in Ranthambhor, India,  looking out for ghosts of the past or over the Tor in Glastonbury wondering if Avalon existed.. I don’t want to talk so I will whistle through chimneys and rattle doors and windows. Blowing away debris when I want to clean,  breezing through when I want to know if all was well with the ones I  know,  Staying for a while with the ones I love,  Moving over the cemetery to feel if bones will rattle when I blow by,  Checking if it was an inhalation or an exalation when someone dies,  Sucked in deep or let out long when someone sighed, Becoming Shallow when someone was anxious,  bouncing off when someone chuckles/giggles, flying high on an eagle’s wing while looking down at the big picture,  Coming out of the depths of the ocean floor, knowing that deep could mean abyss, Damp and moist in a cave, knowing real darkness, Dry and harsh amongst the desert sand,  Lovingly touch the tresses of beautiful girls, Ruffle the hair on naughty boys, lifting the clothes off of the shy ones, blowing bird droppings so that it falls on that Bald man enjoying beer, blowing away the towel that the woman just laid to sit on, throwing a tantrum in a storm,  letting in on my existence- even when you don’t see me, touch me, or taste me, I am there, Alive.  Guess you Understand what I mean, don’t you?

Multnomah falls- Photo Blog

There is something about Nature that calms. I like being around waterfalls or listening to the wind in the trees, or walking pathways in the woods(of course I mean as a vacation). Luckily for me, my husband is the kind that enjoys nature’s quiet too. Hopefully we will get the kids to enjoy too.

There is this waterfall about 40 miles from our home. It  is one of the most visited site in the state of Oregon - Multnomah Falls. The falls is named after the Native American Tribe, of the same name, who belong to Chinook group (these are the people who had a ritual of the head flattening) of people who lived in and around the Columbia river. It’s the second largest waterfall in the US. The fall is about 612 feet and has two parts.

Since the kids have come into our lives, we make more day trips than overnight trips. We took the kids up on the 1.2 mile trail that climbs approximately 600 feet to the top of Multnomah Falls. The view from here is spectacular, the feeling is awesome. It takes about 30-40 mins hike, with the kids.  The first time we made the trip, when I reached the top and looked at the view, I wanted to scream like in the Titanic “I am the King of the World!!” then I remembered it ought to be Queen .

The View of the parking lot from the top.

The view along the path.  Most of the trees are pine, this photo was taken just after the winter so the branches were mossy, they looked like they had grown fur.

The view across the gorge. This is across the Columbia River.  The River that the Lewis and Clark Expedition followed in their westward journey. 

Another water fall along the way, I forget the name now. Once we got to the top, this was the view behind the fall, from the landing that sort of jutted out over the fall below.

Here is the slide version of it just in case you cant view the pics above.

Hope you enjoyed the pics.

Melvin Durai's Humor Site

http://www.melvindurai.com/
I go here for the laughs some days.

Tuesday Morning.

Most days, my attempt at getting the kids on time to the bus-stop is usually foiled by last minute Toilet visits(usually by my son).  The usual routine, apart from the things I usually do early in the  morning,  is to get kids ready, make breakfast, make sure they have some of it, pack lunch for my daughter and then get them to the bus-stop.. Today, we were early, the first ones at the bus-stop(a rare occurance). When I got out, I saw a light dusting of snow and thought "hmm...Thats too light for a school closure" so didnt bother to call the school. I get to the bus-stop and we wait for over 15 mins when it suddenly occurs to me, there could be a delayed opening.  Yes, as I suspected, morning KG(kindergarten) dont have school and the rest have a 2 hour delay, opening school today. I thought "so much for being early". 

This is Tuesday Jan 15, 2008. Reporting for -Thats my Life on Automation, Rashmi.

Now, for the other side of things.

Two blogs ago I wrote about the Immigrant worker’s POV and I thought its only fair that I give the Citizen’s view too.  It took me a while because I had no experience being on the other side.  I tried to see this from the stand point of my nation having people immigrate for work or come in illegally to work, which is difficult ‘cause  it  isn’t a prosperous nation like the USA.

 

Before I go further,  I will have to say this -  what I write here is merely my observations.  I don’t have anti or pro sentiments for either camp/s.  I see it as a Human Problem.  If we look back into how we evolved, we have been seasonal nomads not very far in our evolution, maybe not as much as the animals in the wild but we do have those tendencies. If we could, we will choose to go to a better place for nurturing ourselves and our families.  That is true for anyone, anywhere in this world.

 

 I feel right now there isn’t a workable solution to what irks either camps. But as with all things, in time, I hope we find solutions.  I also need those who read this to understand that I am not saying ALL are like this... I cant speak for ALL, I can only speak for and about what I have seen, felt, read on the news or heard. I have not Met ALL yet.  So take what I say with a grain of salt.  Feel free to add more to the list. 

 

Back to the Citizen’s View.

 

We worked hard to build the infrastructure, a workable constitution, laws and legal rights so that our Nation and its people would prosper, but now we see someone else come and use the amenities that we worked and paid for and doesn’t even value it.  They don’t want to assimilate, they don’t adhere to our values or language. They have a typical Ghetto Mentality, most of their friends are people from their own culture.  They bring in their gods, their clothing, their foods.  In a few years, our homogeneity will be lost. They erode our culture.  We gave them an inch and now it looks like they will take all.

 

This wo/man  has come from some third world country to work in our department, has no communication or social skills or any dress sense yet makes more money from an hourly contract than I have ever made in the years I have worked here.   What on earth did I work so hard for?

 

Why do these people have to come to our neighbourhood? They are so loud, have too many people in their house, too many cars in their drive-way, never maintain their lawns/property and bring the property value down in the neighbourhoods they move into.  They have no sense of civility or hygiene.  If I have to make any money off this house I will have to move before more of them come to this locality.

 

Our country sends aid in food, medical services, missionaries and medicines to their countries, yet they are anti-American, ungrateful for any help we render.  Those who come here hardly volunteer for any of the volunteer services or give charity to any of the charitable associations and to top it all they send back what they earn over here to their home countries and ruin the local economy.

 

Now our schools have to spend more on ESL(English as a Second language) teachers and we have to have our kids learn their language. Look at what has happened in California.

 

We are a super power and every nation around the world look up to us, but we have such a huge problem within our own borders.  Irony, isn’t it?

What I Want

I have been reading this question off and on over various sites  "what do Men/Women want?".  I have read their answers and then had a train of thought that I put here. I have no real clue what all women want but I can tell you what I wanted. 

When it came to relationships I have always been the loner, the Wait and See person, the introvert, the cold one, the ice queen, the fence sitter(these are all names given to me by someone else, I called myself a Idealist-Realist, a paradox). I try not to have any delusions about what or who I am. I try not to presume what another person is thinking. I don't always succeed but when I do it makes me proud of myself for a short while.

I have always enjoyed good discussions, conversations over coffee/juice but I never made the cut with most, when it came to sports, pop-culture, bar, smoke-drug scene etc. So my immediate circle has been the people I knew for over 5-10 years. Then there were people who I knew from work or just met at someone else's gathering or met through my siblings/cousins/husband etc. I mostly called them acquaintances cause I am very reluctant to use the word "Friend" casually.

I never had a clue about what I wanted when I wanted a relationship. I usually made do with what I got and so far it hasn't been bad. But I did get married and have been for the last 12 years to the same person. I look back and there is this flash of realization and then its gone, but I know what I wanted.. I wanted to be Water in a relationship, something that doesn't give up what it is yet takes the shape of the container its in. Something that is as deep or shallow as need be. I wanted someone with who I could dance the dance of life, moving forward when he moves back, move back when he moves forward, hold him when he falls, have him hold me when I fall, watch him over the distance and feel joy and have him feel joy when our eyes meet, be responsible and share responsibility for what needs to be done in life, Give more than he could ask for and Receive more than I asked for. So far its held. I guess I am blessed. He's shaped me in ways I could never shape myself, I hope I have done the same for him.

I am not saying our life has been a Cake walk with all the icing. Or that its always Joy, but that when there was pain, we were there nursing each others wounds or giving space to the other to nurse their wound in safety. I am not saying there weren't times when we wanted to kill each other, but that when we were that angry, we still remembered the times when we were willing to give each other our lives. I am not saying that we never bored the heck out of each other, but that even in that bored moment we could laugh at the times we had a goofy moment. I am not saying that we weren't tempted to stray or to give up and leave but that in that tempting moment, we saw the value in how much the other gave to keep what we have. Its about those long conversations that run through the night and the long silences when we just sat with each other doing nothing. Its about that chuckle/giggle when the other is feeling low. Its about taking over the others job just so they could rest. Its about considering whats good for the two of us together instead of Taking what "I" want. Its a lot about Giving than the Receiving. Its a lot about willing to keep what you have. Its about remembering the relationship you share, My husband/wife, My friend/lover and wanting to keep that relationship. Its about consideration, respect, trust, understanding and behaving through life the way we can be proud of.

The truth is no matter who you meet and want to have a relationship with, things cant always be smooth-sailing, there will always be things you cant stand about each other and things that you will Love about each other, the trick is to focus on what you love about each other. We are constantly changing, so learning to accommodate changes in each other without losing sight of the goal(being the harbour for each other, working with each other, building a family and yourselves) is what a relationship is according to what I understand.  No matter how much Love or Passion you have, Life is about maintenance and sustenance. Yes you could have a different view, each of you need to know how to work to get to that vision of life for yourself.

I see what I wanted and to a large degree, I got what I wanted.

Bansuri, Shehnai and Nadaswaram sound clips

http://www.goes.com/~mgreen/
Some lovely instrumental music

An immigrant Worker’s POV.

To you, I am lower than the lowest that can be found in the universe, if thinking like that gives you a Better sense of Your Existence, I would gladly be the lowest for you.

You see the brown of my skin and think it maligns the snow that falls in your nation, but you forget, that beneath the snow is the ground that holds you and its brown too. I am glad to be the dirt that holds you up.

You hear my accent as I speak your language and you get annoyed yet laugh at my tongue’s ignorance, but you forget, while you stay proud of your language, I have had to travel the world and speak to those others about who you read only in translated versions of your stories.

You look at me use my hands to eat food that assaults your senses, and look pointedly at my lack of table manners and hold your nose at the smell of my food, while forgetting that at the time while there were parts of the world that used chopsticks and spices, you knew not what a spoon or a fork was or what spice was.

You saw me wear the scarf around my head and told me in very Authoritarian Voice “Go back to your country” while you forgot that this was not your country either. You just usurped it from the Natives who have a history longer than any of you can ever imagine. Guess it was just a touch of selective Amnesia you suffer from.

You tell me, that your nation is powerful, yet you live your lives, with a finger on the trigger, constantly looking over your shoulder. I come from a powerless nation, yet I sleep where-ever night falls, safe with the knowledge that Nothing is Mine to Keep.

You saw me do whatever job I could get, for a pay lesser than you will ever work for and screamed “those damned foreigners took our jobs”. I worked for less cause I knew I needed Bread while you wanted Butter for the Bread you already had. Yes, I was damned and will continue to work being damned.

When you see those others who are smaller than you and less powerful than you, you sit in judgment ‘cause you feel it’s a God Given Right. You see, as long as you can’t rule my Mind, you and I have just as much right as the river has right to flow into the sea.

You come to my powerless nation and tell us what we should do, how we should live, what weapons we can use to defend our nation, what religion we should follow and what governance we should have, while You would Sue your own people for telling you the same things with laws that punish “infringement of personal rights”

Every trade deal should work according to your terms and if it doesn’t, you threaten very subtly about how your Great Weapons of Mass Destruction, which our nation is not allowed to have, could be around the corner of our lane. Such is your All powerfulness.

Yes! You could destroy the planet but I wonder What is the Point of being Powerful if you don’t have anyone to Rule over?

While you judge me, in spite of being powerless, I am doing likewise, and I see you Powerless in all your Powerfulness … Irony isn’t it?