Despair

A Maze of to do lists
Surrounds my life.
Everything seems to be
Yet its too much for me.
Driving far but getting nowhere,
Doing a lot yet seemingly undone,
Working, or so the tired bones whisper,
Repeating, everyday the same way.
Dark, dreary and rushed,
Yet mundane mornings,
To wake up to.
And tired evenings
When the mind just falls off
Without Knowing
Into a fitful,
Dreamy yet dreamless sleep.
Waking inevitably to the call
Of things to be done
Of lists to get through
Talking seems a waste
Cause nothing gets understood
Nothing is worthy of being understood
Maintaining a resentful silence
Breathing deep to keep the peace
Restlessness bothers the whole being.
A lull exists,
In the chaos of change
Lost destinations, unmapped territory
Invisible despair shows
Through unseen spirit
Hunched over, hugging knees
Keeping together
Whats left of me.

Creative Challenge #198-Dormant

With all the dormant guilt

If I had a planet, built

It would be so heavy,

The solar system will need a levee

To stave off, its sinking pull.

 

My spirit wasn’t dead but quiescent

While he thought it deficient

A few years under his thumb

My spirit, felt like pond scum

That stuck under a wandering shoe.

 

There was latent rage

That was difficult to assuage

I stored it all, like white phosphorous

Waiting for ignition, was torturous

Relieved, as fire burned his world to ashes.

 

Tour the CC #198 

I see You

 

On my walk this morning,
A tree stared at me.
“I see you” it whispered
Asked me questions,
I didnt want to answer.
We starred at each other
For a while
Not wanting to be defeated
By its stare
I took its mugshot,
A proof of its rudeness
Saved for posterity
Captioned “I see you too!”

That kind of day

Its that kind of day

When life goes its own way

The Coffee had salt

I swear, it wasnt my fault

The knife fell on its tip

And my toe it did nip.

Hot oil flew out of the wok

Burning a hole in my sock

Dinner was charred

Shiny utensils, marred.

My brain took a walk

Lost its way back to the skull dock.

Its been that kind of day

I hunker and hope it doesnt stay.

Creative Challenge #157 - Undeniable

In Noise and Numbness,
In our imagined Powerlessness
Lies the camouflage for lies,
For All of the lies, one buys.
We struggle and refuse to be
In the silence of our being
For if we did
Undeniable, would be Truth
Frolicking  in eternal youth.

 

 

Tour CC#157 

 

United Friends Challenge # 287 - On Judgement day

    

Alpha63's Challenge

 Write a story, poem or essay on the subject of "Judgement Day".
Think there'll be one someday? Why? Or why not? What do you think will happen?
Who do you expect to see in Heaven? In Hell? Why? And what if something happens that you don't expect?  

*===*===*===*===*===*

"You will be judged on Judgement Day" they say "and the wheat will be separated from the chaff...for God is Just." I look on in amusement.  Would Mother's/Father's day be the ONLY day we love our parents?  Would Valentine's day be the ONLY day we  love our beloved?

Only Humans Judge, Draw and Quarter. Our perception depends on comparison and judgement...therefore it is easy for us to perceive Judgement Day. What we see as Heaven and Hell is merely our perception and expectation of Pleasure and Pain.  Heaven and Hell aren't places to get to when we die. When we are happy, peaceful, accepting and content with our being, we are in Heaven. When we are angry, judgemental, in a state of discord and disharmony, we are in Hell.  If we saw all events as merely events without letting our judgement and expectation of how it should be, get in the way, we would move through the events without much ado. We would do and say what needs to be done and said without the drama of our judgement. My heaven exists where I am. My Hell exists where I am. I will move back and forth as long as I have an undisciplined mind. The day I am able to let my mind BE without feeling the need to discipline it, I will be in Heaven. This mind will exist only in this human form. All that exists, just IS, when I suspend my judgement and expectation of it.  Each of us will be in Heaven or Hell, of our own making. 

I accept that each of us are a product of the influence of nurture on our innate personalities.  According to our personalities, we learn and make the rules and philosophies that worked for our parents and ancestors, our own; or we seek out, question and conclude via our own observations or through the observations of others that resonate with our temperaments. I have observed that what I see outside of me is a reflection of how I feel inside. All that happens around us is a reflection of how we think, feel and direct our thoughts in our innermost, unseen being.  Every time we fear, our fear will manifest on the outside through the events that we are afraid to face. Every time we doubt, our doubts will manifest through situations that we feel doubtful and uncomfortable about. Every time we feel unloved, our lack of love will manifest in the feeling of separation, discrimination, discord, disharmony and the negatives, ensue.  Things, that we think are unexpected, aren't really unexpected.  When we look back and remember, it will be something we did think about it at some point of time in our lives, even if it was a passing thought that we might have easily forgotten. Usually when something unexpected gives us pleasure we never question how it came about or analyze the reasons for its happening, but when the unexpected gives us discomfort or pain we look for reasons like God being Judgemental and Sin haunting Us.  Pardon me, if I don't see it that way.  Where was the thought of God when that promotion came through or we got a raise or won the match or competition? Don't we usually say we worked hard or used our talent/skills for it? In all fairness, if what we perceive as good, happened because of our effort then why are we looking for someone to blame when something bad happens?

We have the most overused, abused concept of God.  None of us in all honesty can say we met God yet we have all these "Grandiose Ideas" of what God is.  I have my ideas too...We created God in our image.  There isn't one particular day in the future that will be Judgement Day, just days when you Judge harshly, days you Judge mildly and days you will let it be.  The God idea, I understand, isn't petty to exercise Power through Judgement, Fear or Guilt. In my mind God is Love, God is Truth, God is Choice, God is Compassion, God is All-encompassing, God is Inclusive. God is NOT about Separation, NOT about playing favorites. God is not an entity outside of us or beyond us but a part of us, a part of all that we perceive and haven't yet perceived. God is the Ideal we strive for. God is the Name we give for that part of us that leans on all that is noble and benevolent. We perceive this Ideal because we are very familiar with its opposite.   If we look within, there is no particular day to be Judged, we do that with flair every day of our lives. Every day is Judgement Day. So take care of how you think, what you intend, how you speak, what you do, each and every day. Practice awareness of every moment, for that is the ONLY Truth we have -this moment- then it is gone. It becomes a "hear a say"(heresy).  The Past is always "it was said so" never "I know so". The future is always "it MAY be so" never "I know so". In Knowing, is the Truth.. so if we profess to love God or to live in Truth, it would do us good to KNOW ourselves in the NOW, GIVE all of ourselves in the NOW, BE PRESENT in our NOW.

For more entries at UFC #287

Sharing Stories.

As I read Tracy's Blog on Destroyers and Builders I was reminded of a story I enjoyed as a child. I didnt understand the philosophy behind it then. I do now. Here I am sharing it with you.

Among the numerous Religious Texts of Hinduism, is the Purana. Purana is a Sanskrit word that literally means "Of Times Before" or "Of Ancient Times".  According to the Sanskrit Lexicographer, Amarasinha, a Purana covers one or all of these five characteristic topics-
1.Creation of the Universe
2. Destruction or restoration of the Universe
3. Geneology of Gods and Patriarchs
4. Reign of Manu's(The head of a particular Epoch within the Hindu Time cycle)
5. History of the Solar and Lunar Dynasty of Kings.

All of the above topics are presented as Instruction from Guru/Sage to Student. In earlier times, villages had what was called Katha sessions during the day or the evenings where the Priest/Brahmin would read from the purana or tell the stories to the gathered people.

There are 18 Main Puranas of which Bhagavata Purana is one of them. This is also called the Shrimad Bhagavatam and focuses primarily on the Incarnations of Vishnu, the Lord of Preservation. It has 12 Chapters. The story below is part of the 3rd Chapter.

Brahma, the Creator has four Sons born of the mind, hence known as Manasa Putra named Sanaka, Sananda, Sanatana and Sant Kumara. They were always known together as the Kumara Rishi. One day they came to visit the Vaikunta-the abode of Vishnu. Vaikunta is described as an Ocean of Milk where Adhi-Sesha, the cosmic 5 headed snake, lays coiled. Its coiled body is where Vishnu rests, meditates and meets other gods and beings. There are 9 doorways that lead up to Vaikunta, the last doorway has two gatekeepers named Jaya and Vijaya.  When the Kumaras arrived at the Gate, they were refused entry as Vishnu was Meditating and did not wish to be disturbed. Usually this wasnt a big deal cause the guest would be waited on with great hospitality while they wait for the Host.  But in this particular instance the Kumaras felt insulted and in the course of their argument with the Gatekeepers, they curse the Gatekeepers into  living on earth so that they will never see Vishnu, the Lord they are devoted to. The Gatekeepers fall to their knees begging the Kumaras to modify the curse so that there is a way to return to Vaikunta. The Kumaras now regretting their haste, say that only Lord Vishnu could modify it. The nature of a Sage's Curse is such that once the words are out, it will happen, such was the power of their word.  Hearing the commotion outside the door, Vishnu awakens from his meditation and comes out. Listens to what happened and gives the gatekeepers a choice - a hundred births as Devotees of Vishnu or 3 births as Enemies of Vishnu, dying by his hand. They choose the later and were born as the Asuras(Demons) Hiranyaksha and Hiranyakashyapu in the Satya yuga(part of the Hindu time cycle) and are killed by Vishnu, incarnated as Varaha and Narasimha, as Ravana and Kumbhakarna in the Treta yuga and Killed by Rama (Ramayana) in the War and as Shishupala and Dantavakra in the Dwapara Yuga and Killed by Krishna. In the time of their incarnation as demons they bring what we perceive as death and destruction, but they pave the way for changes that are part of our existence.

The essence of this story is that Even those who are seemingly Evil to our perception have a purpose to serve in the Drama of our life on Earth.  Everything has a reason for being there, for being percieved. All are part of our duality or multiplicity in the Whole.

The way we Live

In the name of Ingenious Creativity

We let our imagination run amok

Losing our grip on What IS

Letting our imagination become our suspicion

Letting our suspicions become our conviction

Letting our convictions manifest our reality

Letting our perspective be guided by our imagined belief.

We Call it, Intelligence

When we walk through life in Fear

Of our manifested imagination,

Calling ourselves a superior species

While our actions, prove otherwise.

All, in the name of Intelligence.

 Tour creative challenge # 136

To BE

To be an ocean
Holding the worlds tears
My own, just a few drops
A smile curves my lips
Rippling across the waters
Sending heart intended Joy
Wave after wave
Across the distant shores.

To be the sky
Enveloping the earth
With bright hued strands
Of Love, warmth and well being
Always there but unbeholden
Being a part, yet apart
At all times
Knowing itself.

To be a Tree,
Tall and Sturdy
Bending and flexing
With the winds cruising
Grounded in conviction,
An integration
Of acts and thoughts
Across a life lived well.

What bliss would it be
Finding the ocean, sky and tree
Within the confines of me.

At home with Strangers

Yesterday, you saw me, in the darkness of the evening
You assumed I was from Mexico and said "Ola"
And broke into a seemingly happy spiel in Spanish
While I stared at you, unable to respond in kind.
I walked away feeling miffed for not knowing Spanish.

Today, you saw me, in broad daylight
You saw my dotted forehead and joined your palms
You didnt know the word but I respond in Kind
"Namaste" I smiled thankfully, for though you didnt know the word
I understood you meant the gesture with every fibre of your being.

Sometimes a gesture is enough to make me feel at Home.

They say

They say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But this apple has rolled far.

So far, that it can’t roll back into the shade of its tree.

Would an apple tree grow under the shade of the other trees?

They say, that there’s always a someone,

We want to hold on to.

It is you, it isn’t me,

Why does it not hold for both you and me?

They say, the truth sets you free.

The truth I heard, has made me

As knotted up as can be.

Will I be set free?

They say, time heals all wounds,

Yet, there are wounds that never do so

They ache in the most inopportune moments.

Would time heal it before we pass?

They say, they said so, from their consistent experience,

Yet, none of mine is consistent with theirs.

A square peg in this round world

Would the edges smooth out?

Life's maze

We meander

Through the maze,

We meet,

Wandering in a daze,

We seek,

Learn the depths of each other,

We smile

Reaching for the other’s hearts,

We draw

Lines that zigzag and crisscross

We dream

Every meeting fills with joy

We hope

Every parting is warm with promise

Of meeting again, the way we are Now.

 

Creative Challenge #114-The Imagined conversation.

"They exist, I have seen them, I converse with them all the time. What I have writen is true, I document what I see and know."

"Glad you do and your knowing and belief is strong. "

"They are the ones who put us here and are helping us progress."

"Maybe, but I dont know for sure."

"They are the ones who fit the description of our God."

"Your description of them doesnt fit my description of God."

"Why not?"

" 'Cause to me, God is more than form or help given invisibly."

" What is God to you?"

" The energy that pervades all things, existing in all that is the Universe, within matter animate and inanimate and in what is not yet matter, including the ET(if they exist)."

"Isnt it Ironic, you believe in the energy you dont see but you cant believe in the ET that you dont see? Your belief is inconsistent. You dont want to see reality."

"I Know, I dont know many things. I Know, I may not ever know all things there is to know. There is a subtle difference between Knowing and Believing.  There are things I know and things I believe. Together, they help me balance and justify my everyday outlook and existence.  I believe in the unseen. I know gravity exists even if I dont see it, I feel it. I know magnetic fields exist even if I dont see it, I feel it. I know air exists even if I dont see it, I breathe it and feel it. I know energy exists even if I dont always see it, I feel it- everytime I walk, everytime I breathe, everytime I meet someone or see something I am attracted to or repelled by....But I dont feel the ET, hence to me their existence, though plausible, isnt something I am sure off.  The idea hasnt resolved itself in my being. Therefore I refuse to comply with your belief. When I feel them, and see the effect of their existence like I do of gravity, of air, of energy, consistently like I do of all the above...Yes, I will admit, I believe, until then, I will willingly be the eccentric, who doesnt mind getting a wedgy from sitting on the fence...It would be great if we walked together as we agree, to disagree. But if that is not possible, we can part at this fork on the road and walk in parallel universes of our own making(not the ET's or God's). Either way, We will be Fine."

Tour Creative Challenge #144 - Eccentric.

Random Thought : 9th Aug, 2010

Sometimes I wonder if Pain wasnt designed to stay in the Moment...I never realize I was happy until after the moment of happiness.. but should I be in pain, I know right then and there I am in pain. I am completely aware of it whether I choose to deny it when asked or appear numb to it over time. I know I am in pain...If I draw conclusions from this observation, should I say, Pain is the best way to live in Awareness? 

On the other hand, I wonder, why cant we stay mindful within every moment whether it be of pain or joy or ambivalence?  Why do we remember Pain, hurt, wounds more than we do the times we never required any balm?  Look at all the memorials we have around our world, I havent seen any memorial to Joy, to Happiness, to Well being?  We have memorials for Death, which by all accounts are painful to the ones left behind.  We dont have memorials for Birth, do we?  Are we conditioned to believe that Pain is more memorable or do we do that because of the attention pain receives? People in pain are the ones who get attention, the joyful ones will pass by without anyone noticing, but should someone fall on the street in pain, many will stop and take note, some will come out to help. I have not had anyone come up to me and say "Let me help you as you laugh"? See, no Attention...no focus on Happiness.

Note to Self : Commit every moment of joy into memory and make it so heavy that the moments of Pain seem too light when they come by.

Done with the random thought, back to the chores.

Have a wonderful day, where ever you are.  

Peace
Rashmi.

Creative Challenge #113 - Questions

Asking, doubting, analyzing
Endless unvoiced conversations
Kindling embers deep within
Seemingly knowing, understanding and wise
Yet, not holding any.

What is real, what unreal?
Sometimes a void
Sometimes the universe
A horse with blinders on
Seeing only what I want to see
Feeling the unseen walk with me,
Trying every rule of persuasion -
Knocking me over
Caressing me
Beckoning me
Tempting me.
Presenting crossroads.

Wishing I knew
Answers to unformed Questions,
Answers that Hold up, no matter what the questions.

 

Creative Challenge tour #113

 

Tuesday's Ten Thoughts

- The longest day, was a dreary day.
- I have a long "to do" list for the day and its only 9 am here.
- I dont think I am cut out to be a gardener/farmer.. Most of my plants died this year. I have to buy some lady bugs, the aphids are killing my eggplants.
- I thought with the vacations here.. lazing around is a wonderful thing to do, but its not...I still like getting things done, guess it gives me the feeling of being productive and justifying the food I consume.
- Last night,  I prepared bitter gourd dish from memory, like how my mother used to make and boy was it Bitter!!! guess I missed some steps.
-  Life of Pi is a really fun read.. I have a little more to get to the end. Its engaging, it isnt the usual theme of relationships and plots that I have been reading so far. It has its nuggets of  profound insight and theory on animal behaviour, which I feel applies to Humans as well, though we dont like to admit to it. So far, I am loving it. I would recommend it in a heartbeat.
- I want a world where an education doesnt cost an arm an a leg without any gaurantees of being employed or making a living, where the various systems we have make life better instead of  being used as a legalized method of abuse, where integrity can grow, not disintegrate. Naive, Childish Hope, right?
- Everytime I watch an Asian movie, I am always amazed at the variety of food that is served at one meal, I keep wondering what is it about so much food that a director likes. I wonder if it is a sort of compensation for a lack in other areas of life.  I wonder how many of us actually have elaborate meals everyday, with two to three courses and dessert.
- We are doing some clutter cleaning today, Child Labour, Jai Ho! I do love having my children home.
- Whatever you are doing, may it bring you joy.  Have a wonderful day! and Thank you for reading through and leaving your thoughts.

Peace
Rashmi.

Distance

There is so much I want to say to you, but, every time I start, I realize it doesn’t matter what I say to you.  You, are you and I, am I. Between the words, You and I, is a vast World, a world that spans a few Galaxies and infinite Time zones.  Between You and I are gaping differences, too large and peeping similarities, too insignificant.  Such being the reality, it contradicts another reality. This reality is exclusively mine- I feel the need to be in that part of the world where you are.  Every time I feel your resistance to allow me in, I am in conflict. There is this part of me that defines a winner, that feels the Need to push harder at resistance so that I will Get what I Want. And I wonder, does that mean, I am a Go-Getter?  There is this other part of me, that doesn’t care about definitions, and feels the need to go with the flow, which means, I need to let you be, and let the chips fall where they will. And I wonder, does that mean, I am Courageous?  And there is this part of me that questions- why I feel the need to be in your world, could it be because you resist?  If you didn’t resist would I find you interesting at all? Would I pay attention to you?  Would I have you as part my life?  Or would I pass you by like those countless people I pass by as I go about my life?

I wonder, what would happen if I crossed that invisible line that we have drawn, around which we dance our dances alone, as the music play.  Across which we eye each other, prudently using our sight, aiming at each other only when the other is oblivious.  That thin measly line, that makes the perspective of distance, ironic, as we dance within each other’s reach, yet never stretch our arms to reach for the other. 

Creative Challenge #103 - Dreams in the Blue.

I did crop the picture

Dreaming, isnt a unique trait.  Everyone dreams when they are asleep. Some wake up and remember what they dreamed, some dont remember having dreamed at all and some wake up feeling like they forgot something, yet dont quite know what it was.  There are some who dream during the Day. Its easy to recognize them.  They have a perpetual lost looks on their faces when they temporarily wake up in the middle of a meeting or a conversation.  The others around them are usually annoyed 'cause the dreamers werent paying attention to what the others considered important. Dreamers dont satisfy the others need to feel important.  Dreamers go to places which arent on a map.  They arent aware of  the almost drowning in the deep waters, or the almost falling off the cliffs, or that walk through the hot lava, or those thorns that tore their soles but couldnt touch their souls.  I envy them the most, for they know where they want to go even without the Knowing. They have a glimpse of being more than their bodies and the material realities around them.

If anyone asked Ria what she wanted to be when she grows up. she would probably shrug her shoulders and think(not say) "A dreamer?"  Her favorite things to do were - being lost in thoughts, listening to stories and songs from grandma, and sleeping.  She never understood, why everyone got mad at her without her doing anything, literally.  Her parents would ask her to repeat the instructions they give and Ria would think "Why?  I heard it already", while repeating word for word.  She gets them right everytime but when she does, the instructions get forgotten... Not intentionally, for somewhere in the doing, her mind took flight into the open sky and she wasnt aware of it.  She would soar in the Blue like the Eagles she watched from her 3rd grade classroom window. Flap her mighty wings and glide through the air, looking down, enjoying the miniature view from above.  She would imagine these mini houses, animals, people in her doll house, so colourful, pretty, happy.  Her teachers would come up to her desk and tap with the foot long wooden ruler for every word "Ria, Pay Attention to the Lesson".  The noise of the ruler intrudes on her thoughts and the eagle suddenly fell to the ground and the doll house exploded.  Her teachers would send a note to the parents asking them to help her focus, concentrate on her work, maybe take her to a psychiatrist as she probably has a mental problem.  Ria tried her best to not make the teachers mad.  She is quiet in class, she isnt disruptive, she does her homework on time, doesnt fail her exams or tests, her parents help her with their constant reminding.  Yet her inattention during class, her lack of focus, her easily being lost annoyed most of her teachers.

Her parents were worried.  When no one was watching, her mother would sigh, look up at the imaginary blue like as if Her God sat in that expanse, listening and ask in a murmur "what will become of her?" Her father would console her mother with the words "Dont worry, it will get better as she grows, we need to be patient."  Her classmates knew "She's always like that, she'll join when she wants to".  Funnily they were the youngest of all the groups of people she was seen with yet they knew how to treat her well. Her Grandmother, was the only one, whose very thought, filled Ria with warmth, from her hugs, her talking, her sweet songs, her beautiful stories of Kings, Queens, Heroes and adventures. Grandmother was the one person who Ria loved deeply, from who she felt the kind of love she needed.  A beautiful smile would break out on Ria's face at the thought of Grandmother.

Ria loved the nights, as it meant she could dream uninterrupted for those hours.  She dreamed of beautiful places. Places with people who arent mad at her, with children who are laughing and playing.  A place which had no concept of school, homework, exams, scoldings, hurry, worry, sighs or cries. Places with coloured sand and colourful waters, and when she looks up, inspite of the fact that it is night where she is, the Sky is Blue, a light, Light Blue. And she sees herself stand there on the hill's top blending with that Blue, becoming a speck of light.  Nobody around, No body to restrict her floating in this Blue to her hearts content. In this Blue, Ria was happy being Ria.

Tour Creative Challenge #103 - Blue

 

Ten Thoughts on Late Tuesday.

The first thought - I shouldnt be writing this as Tuesday is almost done.  Then it occurred to me I owe you the "n" number of reasons why I have not been writing...soon another question pops in - how does it matter, I still havent written, Have I? so dont give the reasons.

I have been ambivalent, thats not to say I am not feeling, but that I cant really put my finger on what it is that I am feeling or thinking. So I have been ambivalent.

I have been offline most days. Son went to school today after being ill since Thursday with some kind of stomach bug. I am tired from cleaning up and dis-infecting surfaces often and cooking something that keeps him from making bathroom runs.  I want a Genie right now!!

My seedlings are sprouting..(YAY!!! ). Soon I will have tomatoes, chillies, eggplant, beans and hopefully Okra(keeping fingers crossed, that one doesnt look very happy to be sprouting). I dug about 8 inches deep, 2 feet wide, 6 feet long, 2 patches of soil in the backyard over the weekend and have a massive episode of stuffed head/sneezing from breathing whatever it was that floated around as I dug, this in spite of taking an anti-histamine before I headed out *sigh*.  Now I need to make the soil worthy for growing veges, its mostly sticky clay.. Any ideas how to do it?  I am thinking of putting in a mixture of sand, topsoil and compost, would that be good enough?

Heres a few of the flowers that have bloomed in the planters

Golden Allysium

African Voilets

Geranium

I havent called home in two weeks, funnily there isnt much to say to my dad or brother.  Theres that feeling of a chasm between us(without any concrete reason) and I am unwilling to take the first steps to cross the chasm...and hence it shall remain. 

I have been thinking of death a lot. No, do not worry, I am not thinking  suicidal thoughts. I am too much of a coward to find the guts to kill myself.  I have been questioning what I believe about death.  What if what I believe about death isnt True. What if there isnt a soul or any energy that I am part off. What if  everything that I have come to perceive as of now, is complete rot.  What if me thinking that we are all somehow connected is complete nonsense, just something my mind made up so that I wouldnt feel as lonely as it really is?  Do I really want to know the answer? Hmm... I am not sure.

In the past 4 weeks we have had quite a few earthquakes around the world and an erupted volcano, I wonder what the Earth is Thinking.  Temperatures in India was a Little too High for this time of the year. Most everyone I have spoken too are complaining of the heat and there have been about 55 deaths from the heat wave around the country... I wonder how hot summer will be, where I am.

I got a pile of books(fiction and non-fiction)from the Library that I havent yet touched in two weeks...so ok, my mind isnt where its supposed to be, why cant I just Read? I watched Mists of Avalon again...I like Julianne Margulies as Morgaine and the rest of the actors. I like the book too.

Theres a new smart little boy at the pre-school I work at. This little one is 4 years old, well mannered, very gentle, knows his letters, numbers, concepts of counting, reads 3 to 4 letter words well, knows facts about animals and plants, has a fantastic sense of symmetry, colours inside the lines.  I am completely impressed and in love with him, of course it helps he is absolutely, adorably, cute.. I also noticed that this year the ratio of Boys:Girls is 5:1 I wonder why?  Also, How do you help a child who is just 3 or 4 understand that the parent is dying ?  I  am sad and clueless about it but I dont want to pity.

It looks like its going to rain, Nay Pour this evening, the clouds are the darkest grey right now...

Here's something to laugh at... I thought this was the most innovative Idea to solve Loneliness

I hope you all had a fantastic day today, that there was something that made you smile and something that made you feel blessed. 

Goodnight/day depending on where you are.

Peace
Rashmi.

Ten thought tuesday - April 4th 2010

1.  I dont think I will give up coffee. Its good and my favorite indulgence in the morning. 
2.  Yesterday, the weather was so windy, for a moment I imagined the roof would take off with the wind. Husband got home late from work as a tree had fallen and traffic moved slow, he had to take a detour.
3. I have got a new set of books, havent started on them yet. I have been pre-occupied with  other things.
4. I dont know if its the weather or if its the planetary alignments or if its the way life is right now, I feel like as if something  life changing will happen.  Its making me restless, anxious, but mostly very restless.
5. I was noticing where the recent earthquakes occurred and how it has moved...last two along the American continent's border with the  Pacific Ocean, wondering if the next one will be in and around where I live. We havent had any Perceivable tremors. The last was in Feb 2001 sometime when it happened in Seattle.
6. My daughter stumps me with her questions. Heres one- Why doesnt English have the word Eld.  There is Old so there are comparitives older and oldest but theres only Elder and Eldest...but no Eld?  Anyone have an answer?
7. I am patting my back for good behaviour this last week.  I did not nag my children to get stuff "done on time" and ironically they got everything done except for one time.  They did end up going to bed late though. It was really tough for me to curb my reaction and stay quiet but I did it!! Yay!
8. I havent been writing, not because there isnt anything but because I didnt find the time to sit and write.. Ok, thats an excuse.. I think I just got lazy.
9.  Its back to dreary weather this week and I am beginning to feel like I want to scream, yell, rant and rave. maybe pull out my hair.. no wait! pull someone else's hair.
10. My seeds havent sprouted yet, though its been over three weeks since I put them in the soil and I dont know what I should do to make them sprout sooner... I need a greenhouse.

Where ever you are, may there be sunshine in your hearts and smiles on your lips. Have a wonderful day.

Peace
Rashmi.