To my Grandchildren

My bones now creaking like old doors on hinges desperately needing oil, I sit and look out into the distance. The Distance of times gone by appears very sharp. Yes! Most think we humans like to romanticize a by-gone era, simply because of nostalgia for an imagined goodness. There is no one to blame except for time, for that kind of thinking. But I have to try to beat time, to leave you, my grandchildren, an understanding of what I have come to understand. You see, in my present state, that is all I can leave for you-Words from experience and understanding. Goodness comes from understanding what Badness is and learning to Master your Mind to stay away from it. There is no evil, except the unwillingness to make an effort to devote ourselves to that which brings harmony within our minds. If you watched a class with students not paying attention, you will find that the moment the Teacher quietly turns around and watches the Class, each and every student will begin to respond by quieting down. That, is the Silence the Teacher wills INSIDE her mind, moving OUTSIDE to the Students mind. Harmony, like Silence moves from Within to the Without. Cultivate your minds to seek out that which serves harmony.

In the days of my youth, we understood respect because respect was the Norm. An Elder, even if they were born just one day earlier than you were, was given respect because they have irreplaceable experiences that the one extra day gives them. A young one was given respect because they learned by example. Giving them respect meant continuing the cycle of respect, so they know how to respect others. We spoke and addressed the young, the same way we would address someone older than us, that way the thought of ever using disrespectful words have no place in their inheritance. So practice respecting yourself by paying attention to doing and saying things in a manner that increases esteem in your own eyes. Respect for others comes when you know how to respect yourself.

An Elder was the keeper of knowledge- of families traditions, of nature’s working, of all things learned from the foundation of knowledge from those before them. Our Elders knew what it was to be an Elder, the one that guides those depending on their Wisdom. They understood that wisdom was lost when arrogance entered their minds, and hence always acted in Benevolence…They knew to live without infringing another’s right to live. Taking only what they need, not what they want, is what keeps the delicate balance within Nature. We all know what we need but most of us care about what we Want. Listening and Doing, more than Preaching lead to building bonds. Cultivating good speech was a virtue. Being Honest and Ethical in our work and taking responsibility for our actions was a virtue that made a man or woman out of us. To practice compassion, mercy and forgiveness while not giving into greed, anger, jealousy, envy, or our ego was the practice of everyday life. Everything in life has a unseen boundary and a harmonious family lived within this boundary. When you do something for the very first time, it is difficult but once you do it, it becomes easier the second and the third time. This holds for crossing boundaries too. Once you cross, the boundary is broken and usually it is hard to get back inside and build it again. Which is where responsibility comes in. Being responsible means learning what is appropriate and acting on it. Being responsible means that when mistakes are made, you dont blame someone else for it. The Idea of responsibility is not merely apologizing for a mistake but for remedying the mistake.

You, my grandchildren, are foundlings in the learning. I want to leave you with what I know so that you may build on it. The future rests on you, hence you need to be that brick that is still in the kiln. A lot of burning has to be done to become strong-Burning of ignorance. I know the world around you is not what it used to be when we were young. But there are a few constants apart from the obvious ones like day and night and the seasons. I have learned that each of us has a place that is exclusively ours. There are a lot of distractions today than we ever had in our time but you still have constants, that those who came before you had- the quality to discern what is good. Ask yourselves if what you are thinking or saying or doing builds on what is already being built or does it bring down what was built by the endless efforts of your ancestors before you? In that answer lies the Truth, the Constant.

While doing something remember that simple every-day acts have consequences. And Consequences are like words, once out of the mouth, they can’t be taken back. Think about what consequences you would like before you act for in that answer lies the Truth, constant.

Find that place of quiet within you. Look at how you grew from infancy. Do you see? You learned to walk before you learned to talk. That’s the universe telling you the rule of life, always walk the walk before you talk the talk. When you walk in Truth, there is no need for talking.

Remember nothing is yours to keep for eternity, so pass on that you learned in the quiet, to those younger than you. That is our purpose, to add to the brick that builds. Live like a warrior, remembering that you could die any moment. Be not afraid of death, for that is what every living being does, it is not special. For a warrior, to remember death, IS Living. Use that reminder to do what needs to be done right now, so that you never die leaving unfinished work. To Die without regret, with dignity is to die Honourably. So, do not shame your ancestors with the fear of death.

I understand that you will feel like I am talking of Utopia. But I urge you to think of it and look upon changes that have happened within your own lives. Ask yourself, if you willed it or it fell upon you? Keep an account of all your thoughts before the changes and after the changes, you will see that everything came from your thoughts, even the thought that merely passed and you thought was inconsequential. Yes, thoughts manifest. So direct your thoughts to that which you want to manifest. Keep your thoughts clear, so that when it manifests there is no confusion.

Do not weep on my departing, for I leave a part of me within each of you, you only need to listen to it in silence.

May you always remember the blessing that you are.

My Grandmother

My maternal grandmother holding my daughter when she was 5 months old.

Of all my grandparents, my maternal grandmother was someone I admired. She had this quality of being very down to earth and very stoic. She is the shortest person in our family at 4 and a 1/2 feet tall but to me, she was taller than the Tallest. She carried herself like a queen and I would label her the Strongest in our family. She belonged to the pre-independence era generation. They are the ones who knew how to bow to authority while still doing the things they wanted to do. Yes! theres always some loophole in a law if it is a matter of survival. Which is why a Good administrator is he who is wise enough to not corner the people they rule. She was a primary(elementary) school drop-out, the reason being they had to walk to school for about 10 or 15 miles each way in the rain or sun and be there to help their family during sowing and harvesting seasons and not having money to pay the fee. But she knew how to read and write. So she read everything from the local newspapers to the Epics Ramayana and Mahabharata, if she couldnt find books, she listened to the Radio(that huge box kind with a lot of static every now and then). When I was old enough, being the city kid, I began to see the harshness of her life everytime I went during vacation. I silently admired her, for you see, the time I was a kid, we were seen, never heard. Kids today will never understand what being able to be silent means (just a touch of envy)

Being a Farmer, means having to delete the word REST from the dictionary of life and not worry about Money, cause it was always scarce. So there were always creative ways to make money. Sell someone the embroidery you made, the flowers you grew, some of the pickle you made or the wine you made, or the honey you collected from your apiary, theres always enough money to be found if you look for it. Her idea of life was - Ok theres work to do, so do it. Everything that we take for granted today, like water running in our faucets, electricity, flushable toilets, washing machines, dishwashers, airconditioners, were non-existent to her. Everyday life then, required immense physical and mental strength than what we can boast of today. After all when we are tired its not our bodies that tire first, its the mind that decides to give up.

Both my grandmoms were pro at time management. It was clothes washing and gardening that alternated each day during spring and summer. It was clothes washing and pickling for a week during fall and then watching over the curing of meat for the winter(it is a community event). At least four or five families get together to salt and dry the meat for storage. Various other chores - like harvesting, threshing and seiving the paddy were all community events...families got together to get these done jointly. Inspite of their seemingly busy lives, both always had time to listen to the ones that needed listening to. They formed a part of the Confidant's Club(yes I made that name up).

Her day used to start at about 4 in the morning with a quick bath, light the lamp at the family shrine, offer prayers. Then off to the kitchen she would start the day with the agni pooja(fire worship) at the hearth. Then have a huge pot of fodder for the pigs and water boiling while she went to milk the buffalos. Once back she would boil the milk and allow some to spill as that is the offering to the Fire God. She would go to the well about 1/2 mile from the house to get water for the day, which means carrying one pot on the head and the other at the waist and walking 1 mile for water(yes its better than 10 miles thank god!). After that, she would start making breakfast for the labourers and the people in the house so that they all have breakfast by 6 before they head out to the fields. Then the buffalos are let out, the pigs are fed and let out, the ducks and chickens are fed and let out, the dogs and cats are fed too. One of the labourers would stay and wash all the utensils before they head out to the fields. The only down time she used to have was soon after lunch about 1 pm till about 3 pm during which time she would attend to the vegetable and herb garden in the backyard or sit at the mill making rice powder for the month or make pickles or maybe sew the clothes that needed repair. She remembered every job that there was to do without having the elaborate lists that I have today. During the Coffee picking time, she would cook lunch too, early in the morning, so that she can also pick coffee along with the labourers. That way there are more hands at the job. The family usually had dinner between 7 and 8 pm. The perks of not having electricity meant you will be done with your day quicker. So everyone went to bed by about 9-10 pm. Not once have I heard her complain, she did the work joyfully, and if she fell ill, she would still drag herself out of bed and see that all the animals and people were fed. She took her job as the nourisher of the family seriously.

Its about 4 years since she passed away. If I could be half as good as my grandmother, I would think of myself as a very successful person. I love my luxuries, but I hope that if I had to do without them, I would remember not to complain but to go with the flow. Being Stoic is something I want to be, if only I could figure out how to tolerate pain with sealed lips. Maybe Superglue would help?