The Official site for COYO - Acoustic World Music of Oregon

http://www.coyoden.com/listen.html

Wishes for the season

 

Its that season again, its the end of the year, the time of Yul, Christmas, the winter solstice, Eid, Kwanza and Hannukah. To all those celebrating, here's my wish for you.

- May you find the place of Joy and Hope within you
- May you be able to spread it around
- May you always know the blessings you hold
- May you look at the lessons you have learned
- May you know abundance that exists within you
- May all that you need, be within your reach
- May all that you seek, come seeking you
- May your home fill with Love and peace.
- May laughter reside on your lips.
- May you enjoy Good Health
- May your souls smile always.

Wishing you all a Happy Holiday Season and a Very Happy New Year 2008!!

Kids art and etc.

Sometimes my daughter, Poonam, comes up with some goofy ideas about how to do certain things. So the 7 year old wanted to teach her 5 year old brother, Kaushik, about Plants. So here is how she went about the explanation.

This is her sketch. She used the Spiromatic Design maker to make the flowers and the rest of it is her imagination.

Yes, now Kaushik knows all about plants. This is his drawing with chalk on paper.

Aint she a good teacher?

Now for the Goofy Mom(Me of course) who scribbled some words about the two little goof balls.

Who are you?

Memories are strange things. There are times when I cant tell if what I know is a memory of something that happened or if it is a dream from some other place. There are memories of places, people and times that I am sure I have not met in this life of mine.

If I were to pinpoint the exact time my heart felt you, I should go back a few lifetimes, hard as that is to believe. I feel your presence around me, even when my eyes don’t see you. I know your thoughts like I do my own thoughts. I feel your touch like I feel the passing breeze that caresses my face on a cool summer day. People say I am a Loner but I am never alone, never really alone.

There are days when you appear. I am not sure if it is my dreams or if it is your world. But I see you as clear as the Moon on a dark night. I see your impish yet wise face, dark hair and the glint of mischief in your eyes, that endearing smile on your lips that makes dimples on your cheeks. We have pleasant walks over beautiful meadows overlooking mountains, picking flowers or along the river bank feeling the wet soil or the sand or a trail in the woods with the sounds of songbirds. We frolic in the waters, pick fruits from laden trees, walk amongst the gentle animals or sometimes pet the Big Cats. Sometimes we share long conversations, or very comfortable silences with smiles that warm our insides, the kind that leaves joy and peace within my self as I come out of the fog. I always know I will see you again, that the coming of the fog only means that our time with each other was up for my day. I never remember the conversations except for the feeling of being happy. But the words you said come to me at certain times in my life, like a reminder. It feels like as if its something my elder has taught me, like as if I already knew, like its part of me but really not from me.

It makes me curious…who are you? Are you a visitor from my past or part of the present or will be part of my future? There are people who remind me of you, like you split yourself into those many others. You feel like a friend almost bordering someone I love but I also feel an unseen line that we are careful not to cross. Nothing is said but is understood. Would a day arrive where the world where you are and the world where I seemingly am, could blend into One? As I wait for an answer, I do wish for you to remain a part of me even if I don’t really know who you are. It doesn’t matter, for I have my names for you so that I may claim you for myself—my soul’s guard, my place of happiness, my place of understanding who I am.

Missing You

Of all the names, I have heard
Yours is the sweetest song,
I know not the reason
For the way I feel about you
Maybe its the way you make me feel
When I am around you.
Or Maybe it’s the way you feel about me
When you are with me,
Remember you, I do, with all of my soul.
In all the time that we have spoken,
I gave you a part of me, I never knew I had
To you, who came into my heart quietly
And left even more quietly than quietness herself.
I miss you, more than anyone I have missed
So much, that I am afraid to say your name again.

-K P Rashmi

Titbit's in Music

In Western Music, a canon is a piece of music that is written for imitation and repetition. First one instrument or vocal starts with a piece of the melody, after which a second instrument or vocals pick up the music from the start and repeat the same exact tones as the first. It is sort of relay of the same music after a time delay. More instruments or vocals may fill in depending on the composers wishes. Here is Johann(pronounced Yohann) Pachelbel’s Canon the way it is played. When this is played on a woodwind instrument(flute, piccolo, recorder etc) it sounds very sad to my ear, although this is uplifting in the piece below.

 

This music has been used in many other songs and commercials, but we don’t notice it because of the variations to tones. Here’s something that I thought was funny. It’s a funny rant by a comedian talking about the different songs in which Pachelbel’s Canon has been used. I liked the way this guy has presented the whole lesson on Pachelbel’s Canon.

Hope you guys enjoyed this. Have a productive Week ahead.

Peace Always,

Mithuna

Picture Perfect - ONE

 Every Friday Foto hosts the Foto Friday.  The topic this week was 'One' .  The topic is closed at midnight friday.  So  I am dreadfully late for the festival.  But I thought it was fun anyway.  This was taken when I went to visit Home(Bangalore, India) last Year.  This Banner gave me a sense of Irony 'cause there was this man riding his two wheeler right beside it, without wearing his helmet.

The Saga of the Three Wise Monkeys

 

When I was about 10 years old, My neighbour, a nice Tamil Maami(aunty), had in her home a wooden carving of the Three Wise Monkeys.  Of all things in my world then, that was most beautiful to my eyes.   She explained to me that they were Mahatma Gandhiji’s Monkeys- that they meant to remind us to not see or hear or speak Lie.   Over the years, it graduated from the most Beautiful to the Cutest thing anyone could carve.  Monkeys are cute, at least they are in pictures and carvings and such things.. having to deal with one on a trip to the temple is … scribbles for another blog.

 

I got curious (For those who don’t know much about me… The curiosity that killed the cat, was ME).  I had to find out where the three monkeys came from?  What was their story? How and When did they become Gandhiji’s property? I had to share what I found after going through the Internet.

 

I was amazed at how Monkeys had some form of prominence in every South Asian culture I read about. There is some place or other where Monkey seems to occupy the place of reverence in these cultures.

The Chinese and Japanese Astrology has twelve animals associated with it, with the Monkey being one of them.  A person born in the Year of the Monkey is supposedly the kind that were always on the go, inventive and great fun to be with. They are said to possess the personality of the kind who know exactly what they’re doing, they know what they want and usually know how to get it.   

In Japan, those who follow The rules of placement, the conterpart to the Chinese Fengshui, consider the Northeastern direction, Kimon, as the direction where the demons gather and enter. The guardian of this direction was the Monkey.  The Japanese word for Monkey was Saru which is a homonym for the the word which is pronounced as saru that meant “to expel”. The Monkey was therefore the Expeller, Dispeller of the demons hence the Guardian, the protector.  In Shinto/Taoist/Buddhist(not sure of this info) shrines he is invoked in forms- as Masaru(literally Great Monkey) or is carved on to Pillars as the Munamochi-saru(Pillar-supporting Monkey).  They also have a festival known as the “Day of the Monkey” when prayers are offered at the Shrines.

In Hindu pantheon, the monkey god,  Hanuman, is associated with strength and devotion to duty. There are so many stories about him in the Ramayan’s the 5^th book, called the Sundara Kanda.  He is also mentioned in the Mahabharath, where he humbled his younger sibling Bhima(both being the sons of the Wind God – Vayu).

The Origins

The three monkeys  is believed to have originated from Japanese word play. The names of the monkeys in Japanese are- 1.Mizaru- covering his eyes, See No Evil   2.Kikazaru- covering his ears, Hear no evil  3.Iwazaru- covering his mouth, Speak no evil.  This is considered the Golden Rule in Japan. 

It is said that in the 8^th century AD the three wise monkeys were introduced in Japan by a Buddhist Monk from China. For those following Shintoism, the Monkeys were considered Divine Messengers. For the Tendai Sect of Buddhism the three monkeys represent  Santai(three truths of emptiness, conventional existence and middle way)

It is said, there were three animals that accompanied Sanzo Hoshi(Yuan Chwan, is that the famous Huien Tsang we read about in School? I wonder), a Chinese Priest who went to India in 629 and returned to China in 646 AD with many Buddhist Relics and Writing. One of those animals that went with him on his travels was the Monkey.  

The Story

Here is a story associated with the monkeys that is narrated by the priests at Mountain Shrines.

A Long time ago there lived on one side of a Mountain , a wise and good Monkey King.  There was a Great Evil on the Other side.  The Kings councilors, were three very old, wise monkeys.  By tradition, only they knew the existence of this Great Evil. They knew that if anyone heard or looked on this Evil, his heart would be hardened and woe would befall the Monkey Kingdom.  One day while they gathered a rare wild flower for the King, they heard a shriek. They peered through some bushes to check what it was and unwittingly gazed upon the great evil. One covered his eyes but he heard. One covered his ears but he saw. One covered  his lips to push back this dreadful secret deep within himself although he saw and heard. They knew their hearts were spoiled forever.  They huddled together on a drooping willow branch, chattering and whispering dolefully for hours. By nightfall they decided to follow the counsel of the one who had seen and heard all but would not talk about it and by emulating him, they kept the secret sparing the King and his people a terrible fate.

How did they become associated with Gandhiji?

This was supposedly told by Majorie Sykes. She came to Madras(now Chennai), India to teach after obtaining a Teacher’s Diploma from Cambridge in 1927, went on to Shantiniketan during 1938-47. She came to Sevagram in 1948 to work in the Nai Talim School. Later she worked at Hoshangabad. She passed away in April 1996 in England

 

“Most of the people who came to see Gandhi sought his advice on something or the other. But one day came a party of visitors from China. "Gandhiji, we have brought you a small gift," they said. "It is no bigger than a child's toy, but it is famous in our country." To Gandhi's delight it was a set of the three monkeys that were later to become so well-known.

 

What are my thoughts?

 

I think it’s a good rule to follow in Life.  I have a general hesitation to use the word Evil, as to me evil is an overused term to describe that which doesn’t fall into our understanding or our way of thinking about life.  The word I generally use is Disharmonious-anything that removes the sense of peace within our selves and the world around us(and I don’t mean minor everyday annoyances and the drama of our lives).  I do know that there are times when no matter what you heard or saw, keeping the mouth shut is a good thing to do.

 

With that I end this Monkey Saga. If any of you reading this, have additional information or find that anything I have put in here is wrong, please do let me know. Hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed trying to find answers to my wonderment.

 

Peace Always

Mithuna.

(Sources : 1. The newsfinder    2.The three monkeys 3. Wiki )

 

Crushes until now

This is my entry for Vinod’s Fantasy Festival.

For all my seeming sensibleness, I do suffer from crushes. Its part of the Dichotomy, that makes me. I am also very fickle when it comes to crushes… they hardly last a week after I have seen the Movie. I have noticed that it isn’t the actor that I have a crush for but the character he plays. And even in that character, there is a pattern. I fall for Historical Characters or Characters from a Book/Story(yes! If you want to be my crush, you have a Ghost/Illusion for a Rival, Can you Win? Yes, I can be conceited). So here they are in no particular order.

Sir Lancelot : I watched Michael Vartan play this role in the Mists of Avalon and yes.. Michael Vartan is Handsome, but I read about Lancelot at School and loved him since. I felt he got a bad deal in life, no one should have to choose between a friend and the one he loves.

Attila the Hun : Gerard Butler playing this role was real eye candy, could I help it if my heart went like raindrops falling on a window sill? After I saw the movie, I went on a Historical Reading Binge on Attila.

Geronimo : The native American Warrior, who fought to keep his ways alive and had to give in to the sands of time.

Ardeth Bay : The Protector of the Secret in the Movie “The Mummy”. Yes it did help that the part was played by Oded Fehr.

Priyanshu Chatterjee : I loved watching his character in the Movies “Tum Bin” and “Pinjar”. In the former he plays the part of a person guilty of a hit and run redeeming his act. In the later he plays the part of a Brother in search of his kidnapped sister in the Middle of the Partition Era(India,Pakistan).

Braveheart : Mel Gibson as William Wallace was very endearing to me. A true warrior heart, all out when it comes to courage, love, loyalty and Trust.

There are others too- Liam Neeson as Rob Roy, Father Ralph from the Thornbirds, Ken Watanabe as Katsomoto from The last Samurai, Takeshi Kaneshiro as Jin from the Movie "The house of the flying daggers", Roark from The fountainhead, Karna from the Epic Mahabharatha, Lakshmana from the Epic Ramayan, Vali from the Ramayan, Brad Pitt as Tristan Ludlow in the movie Legends of the Fall and as Achilles in Troy, Vikramaditya from the Historic Kings of India. I have crushes on voices too- Sir Sean Connery's Lisping voice, Sir Anthony Hopkin's crisp no-nonsense voice and Sir David Attenborough's deep, I have to listen to even if I dont want to voice, to name a few. In real life, I love my husband's voice, but shh! dont tell him I said so, I dont want him becoming too proud for me to handle.

The list is huge. I will stop for now. Guess there is no concept of Loyalty or Fidelity when it comes to Crushes. I am going to enjoy the ride as long as it lasts.

Scars

Beautiful Faces

In Ornate Cases

With skin so smooth,

In blood warm sheath

Youth seemingly pours

Through unseen pores.

 

Yet, the look in the eye

Says more than a sigh

Eyes cold and dead

Filled with the unsaid

Numb to the gnawing

Deep in the soul’s calling.

To pay attention

To the summation

Of that which you are

Much more, by far

Than what others see,

Those few drops in an open sea.

 

Beneath skin anoint,

In the pain of a joint,

Warm from blood’s kindle

On the fold of a wrinkle

On the bump of burned skin

Tucked under the jeweled pin.

Footprints in your heart

Sands that sets you apart

Scars, visible and invisible

Scars, of tears and smiles

Scars, borne in a wail

Scars, held in a silent sail.

 

Do not Despair

With thoughts Unfair,

Scars Enhance,

Life’s Romance,

Strengthening your insight,

Holding beauty in  plain sight.

 

November 2007- K P Rashmi.

 

To my Grandchildren

My bones now creaking like old doors on hinges desperately needing oil, I sit and look out into the distance. The Distance of times gone by appears very sharp. Yes! Most think we humans like to romanticize a by-gone era, simply because of nostalgia for an imagined goodness. There is no one to blame except for time, for that kind of thinking. But I have to try to beat time, to leave you, my grandchildren, an understanding of what I have come to understand. You see, in my present state, that is all I can leave for you-Words from experience and understanding. Goodness comes from understanding what Badness is and learning to Master your Mind to stay away from it. There is no evil, except the unwillingness to make an effort to devote ourselves to that which brings harmony within our minds. If you watched a class with students not paying attention, you will find that the moment the Teacher quietly turns around and watches the Class, each and every student will begin to respond by quieting down. That, is the Silence the Teacher wills INSIDE her mind, moving OUTSIDE to the Students mind. Harmony, like Silence moves from Within to the Without. Cultivate your minds to seek out that which serves harmony.

In the days of my youth, we understood respect because respect was the Norm. An Elder, even if they were born just one day earlier than you were, was given respect because they have irreplaceable experiences that the one extra day gives them. A young one was given respect because they learned by example. Giving them respect meant continuing the cycle of respect, so they know how to respect others. We spoke and addressed the young, the same way we would address someone older than us, that way the thought of ever using disrespectful words have no place in their inheritance. So practice respecting yourself by paying attention to doing and saying things in a manner that increases esteem in your own eyes. Respect for others comes when you know how to respect yourself.

An Elder was the keeper of knowledge- of families traditions, of nature’s working, of all things learned from the foundation of knowledge from those before them. Our Elders knew what it was to be an Elder, the one that guides those depending on their Wisdom. They understood that wisdom was lost when arrogance entered their minds, and hence always acted in Benevolence…They knew to live without infringing another’s right to live. Taking only what they need, not what they want, is what keeps the delicate balance within Nature. We all know what we need but most of us care about what we Want. Listening and Doing, more than Preaching lead to building bonds. Cultivating good speech was a virtue. Being Honest and Ethical in our work and taking responsibility for our actions was a virtue that made a man or woman out of us. To practice compassion, mercy and forgiveness while not giving into greed, anger, jealousy, envy, or our ego was the practice of everyday life. Everything in life has a unseen boundary and a harmonious family lived within this boundary. When you do something for the very first time, it is difficult but once you do it, it becomes easier the second and the third time. This holds for crossing boundaries too. Once you cross, the boundary is broken and usually it is hard to get back inside and build it again. Which is where responsibility comes in. Being responsible means learning what is appropriate and acting on it. Being responsible means that when mistakes are made, you dont blame someone else for it. The Idea of responsibility is not merely apologizing for a mistake but for remedying the mistake.

You, my grandchildren, are foundlings in the learning. I want to leave you with what I know so that you may build on it. The future rests on you, hence you need to be that brick that is still in the kiln. A lot of burning has to be done to become strong-Burning of ignorance. I know the world around you is not what it used to be when we were young. But there are a few constants apart from the obvious ones like day and night and the seasons. I have learned that each of us has a place that is exclusively ours. There are a lot of distractions today than we ever had in our time but you still have constants, that those who came before you had- the quality to discern what is good. Ask yourselves if what you are thinking or saying or doing builds on what is already being built or does it bring down what was built by the endless efforts of your ancestors before you? In that answer lies the Truth, the Constant.

While doing something remember that simple every-day acts have consequences. And Consequences are like words, once out of the mouth, they can’t be taken back. Think about what consequences you would like before you act for in that answer lies the Truth, constant.

Find that place of quiet within you. Look at how you grew from infancy. Do you see? You learned to walk before you learned to talk. That’s the universe telling you the rule of life, always walk the walk before you talk the talk. When you walk in Truth, there is no need for talking.

Remember nothing is yours to keep for eternity, so pass on that you learned in the quiet, to those younger than you. That is our purpose, to add to the brick that builds. Live like a warrior, remembering that you could die any moment. Be not afraid of death, for that is what every living being does, it is not special. For a warrior, to remember death, IS Living. Use that reminder to do what needs to be done right now, so that you never die leaving unfinished work. To Die without regret, with dignity is to die Honourably. So, do not shame your ancestors with the fear of death.

I understand that you will feel like I am talking of Utopia. But I urge you to think of it and look upon changes that have happened within your own lives. Ask yourself, if you willed it or it fell upon you? Keep an account of all your thoughts before the changes and after the changes, you will see that everything came from your thoughts, even the thought that merely passed and you thought was inconsequential. Yes, thoughts manifest. So direct your thoughts to that which you want to manifest. Keep your thoughts clear, so that when it manifests there is no confusion.

Do not weep on my departing, for I leave a part of me within each of you, you only need to listen to it in silence.

May you always remember the blessing that you are.

Marriage

Her elders said

“Do your Duty,

Practice frugality,

Steady your mind,

For treasures you will find

Keep each other for always,

Together, walk life’s pathways”

With Joined palms and bowed heads

Accepting blessings

Quelling misgivings

She walked hand in hand

With the stranger, now husband.

 

Not knowing the reason

For being in the prison

Of suppressed Passion

Never without Caution

Every Thought, a rebel

Her emotions in constant swell

Waiting to go forth,

A chance for rebirth.

 

Craving for the elusive

Keeping her Captive

Until she could

Break free, she would

When completely cornered

No way to go, but Forward

She walked with head held high

Not letting others in on the Lie

Marching like a soldier

Putting aside every boulder

Pretending to be brave

Making efforts, never to cave

No time to think

Of her being’s kink

 

With times chisel, She became that

The Lie, of Duty’s Format

Through Duty, she found Loyalty

Through loyalty, she lost frailty

Loss of Frailty, made her Brave

Brave, while facing her grave

Now, she didn’t have to hide.

As She walked with Pride.

 

November 2007 - K P Rashmi.

Hindu Cosmological Time Cycles

http://www.westgatehouse.com/cycles.html

NPR : National Public Radio

http://www.npr.org/

Observations and Updates- my 1st blog in Multiply

Thank you! those who sent me invites and thank you! too to those who accepted my invite :). Although I am not a fan of redundancy, I am here, as a precaution, just in case Yahoo really decides to close down. I have been meddling with the site, going to wait for a few more weeks before I decide whether I like it or not. Now to the other side of my thinking-what is there to like or not like, we have to work within what we have. 

I havent figured how to import the Blog comments from yahoo.  If anyone has a clue, please let me in on it.  The reason for wanting to import everything from Yahoo was not so much what I wrote but what the opinions of Friends and others was, so somehow I feel  shortchanged.

I managed to load some of the albums which werent showing on Yahoo because of yahoo-mares. 

Those of you who have an interest in world music, theres one group I am presently impressed with, ok Not the Group as such but the Song and the fact that they dont use any instruments except for their vocal chords.  The Group is Les Charbonniers de L'Enfer from Canada and their song "au diable les avocats" has me mesmerized(yes, this too shall pass).  You could listen to the song on LINKTV's Music page- go to "browse song" and look in the North America" region.

Its been a busy Month for me but I just cant seem to list what I did.  I have been on a Book reading-Cooking too much food-too many kid scheduled activities-too many projects to finish before december Binge.(Phew).   For a while this year I thought I had too much time on hand, I guess I spoke a little too soon Or maybe its the Procrastinator in me who is disappearing(now theres a- if wishes were horses theme).

I hope all of you have had a good weekend. For all those who knew me on Yahoo "I am glad to see you all here :)"  For those who did'nt "Glad to meet you :). Looking forward to making your acquiantance".

Signing off

Mithuna. 

 

Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi - Works

http://www.khamush.com/works.htm

Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore

http://www.schoolofwisdom.com/gitanjali.html

Khalil Gibran's works on the Net

http://leb.net/gibran/

Link TV's World Music Page

http://www.linktv.org/worldmusic

Sacred Texts from Around the World

http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

Urban Legends Reference Pages

http://www.snopes.com/

HowStuffWorks - Learn how Everything Works!

http://www.howstuffworks.com/

Chanakya - World of Biography

http://www.worldofbiography.com/9046-Chanakya/

Tula Sankramana and Kodavas

Above : Talacauvery, the site of River Cauvery's Birth.

On October 18^th was the Festival of Tula Sankaramana, the celebration of the Birth of the River Cauvery. Cauvery(also spelled Kaveri) is considered as one of the seven sacred rivers in Hinduism, the others being Ganga(or Ganges), Yamuna(or Jamuna), Godavari, Saraswati(the one that has dried up flowing in the Rann of Kutch), Narmada and Sindu(Indus). It is a festival of great importance to the Kodavas, the people from a small district of Kodagu or Coorg in the state of Karnataka in India. On this day, every year, the river is said to spring forth at the Holy Place, Talacauvery, in the Brahmagiri hill of the Western Ghats. On this day, people flock to Talacauvery for it is believed that a dip in her waters, at the time of her birth will wash away any "Bad" Karma they earned.

Below is the view of the Mountains from Talacauvery

There are many different versions of how Kaveri came to Being. Let me share with you the story I was told. In the hills of Sahyadri in the western ghats , a Brahmin named Kavera lived with his wife. Many years into their marriage they did not have any children. Kavera decided that he would appease Brahma(yes, there was a time when Brahma the creator was worshipped) with severe penance so that he would be granted a child. His penance was so powerful that it created great heat in the three worlds and a great fire was born spreading into the three worlds(according to lore, there was nether world, the heavens and the earth) . All the Gods were terrified and asked Brahma to visit Kavera before everything became Ash. Brahma visited Kavera and granted him a child named Lopamudra. She was the Earth incarnate. When she came of age, Sage Agastya was smitten by her beauty and asked her to be his wife. She became his wife on the condition that he should will never leave her without her knowledge. Agastya used to travel a lot, taking disciples along the way. Of course Agastya being the sage he is found a way to circumvent the promise. Everytime he wanted to go anywhere, he could transform Lopamudra into water and take her in his Kamandala(a vessel for carrying water). This angered Lopamundra. One day, while Agastya was atop the Brahmagiri hills, he placed the kamandala on the ground to take a rest. This was Lopamudra's chance to punish him for not keeping his word, she tipped the kamandala and flowed out. Giving up her human form, she became and remained the waters that nourished the land.

I belong to that group of people who worship the River. Traditionally, on the eve of the festival, every nook of the home and surroundings are cleaned in anticipation of Mother's birth. On the day, my mother used to prepare a Kalash(a Brass pot with holy water in it) as a representation of the Goddess, decorate it with flowers, clothing, black, green and red glass bangles and jewelry, placing it on a plate filled with raw rice. Lamps were lit after the entire family has gathered and everyone takes the blessings of the Goddess by bowing their heads and touching her feet. After this the young ones in the clan pay obeisance to the elders in the family starting with the oldest in the clan. They touch the elders feet and seek their blessing. It is believed, that blessings received from elders, on this day comes to fruition.

Now for a little history of Coorg and its people-In the past, Coorg, has seen many dynasties ruling its different parts at different times. The most commonly accepted version of history is that the northern part Coorg was ruled by the Kadambas from 2^nd century to 6th century. The Southern parts were in the hands of Gangas from 4th century to 11th century. The Changalva Kings were the representative administrators for this region for both the Dynasties. In the 11^th century the Cholas overthrew the Gangas and t were the rulers of all of Coorg. In the 12^th century the Hoysalas defeated the Cholas and Coorg was their territory. Changalvas accepted the supremacy Of Hoysalas from 14th to 16th century. The next dynasty to rule the region was the Nayakas, who later paved the way to the Haleri Rajas till 1834. Hyder and Tippu Sultan did have temporary control of this region in the years 1780-89. In 1834 the British took over Coorg. They imprisoned the last ruler Chikkaveera Rajendra. Some locals believe that the British were invited by the Kodava(as the people of Coorg are known) noblemen to remove Chikkaveera from Kingship, as he was a despot with numerous vices and had angered them with his abuse of power. It is also believed that the British were very impressed with the courage and confident attitude of the Kodavas that they had granted some sort of autonomy to the region of Coorg. After India gained Independence in 1947, Coorg was made into a state but in 1956, during a reorganization of states, Coorg was made a district of Karnataka.

Kodagu, has a curious mix of peoples. It is known as the Land of the Kodavas, a group of people who belong to a warrior class, very distinct in their facial features, customs, traditions and attire compared with the other south Indian People. It also has other tribals like the Erravas, Kurubas, Banna and Kudiyas. The traditional attire of the Kodava women is the sari worn such that the pleats go behind and the edge pulled over the right shoulder. A head scarf is worn that is tied at the nape of the neck. It looks like the picture below.

The men wear long black overcoats over white shirts, usually with a short pant(not something that goes all the way to the ankles as it is done today)with silk shashes at the waist into which is tucked a dagger. A White turban with gold edges worn on the head. They look like the picture below.

No one really knows the origin of the Kodavas but everyone knows and acknowledges that they are different. They are known for their courage, hospitality and stoicism. Most every Kodava family has someone in the Military/Air/Navy force. The most famous among the Military Sons are Field Marshal Kariappa and General Thimayya. Kodavas are also known in the field of sports, their sport of preference being Field Hockey. Now they have their own Kodava Hockey Tournaments that are conducted every year by the clans, with each clan having their own team. I think it has become a record of a kind

The Kodavas are an anthropological puzzle. There are theories on their origins but none are backed up with facts(so I think its speculation, I could be wrong). Some say that they are the descendants of the soldiers from Alexander's Army. It is said that these Greeks fled to the south after they were overthrown by a rebellion in Punjab long after Alexander's death. They settled in the hills of the Western Ghats and married the local women, forming martial communities of their own. Others say that the Kodavas are the descendants of a band of Kurds from the Yemen/Oman/Kurdistan/Iraq region who fled to India to escape forceful conversions by the sword, to Islam. Still others say that they are Rajput/Scythian soldiers who fled the NW frontier during the Mughal Invasions.

Whatever their origins, today, they consider themselves Hindus. All their festivals are associated with Ancestors, Nature, Agriculture and Weapons. Their Main God is called Igathappa, a local name for Shiva and Choundi, local name of Chamundi/Parvathi. They are the only group of people in India who can own firearms without a license(by a special provision) and probably the only Hindus who don't have- priests presiding over the important sacraments in their lifetimes, dowry system or a taboo on widow re-marrying. Every occasion is presided by the Clan Elder(a position of respect). Their Language is a dialect with a mix of words from Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada and Tulu along with a few foreign words that have no resemblance to any of the above. It is called Kodava tak. There are two variations in the Dialect depending on where the speaker is from. North Kodagu and South Kodagu have variations in the words used but most Kodavas do switch from one to the other with ease. Recently there has been talk of developing a script to for the Dialect, although it is doubtful that the people will adopt it.

If anyone asked me what are the things associated with Kodavas, I would have to answer- rifle, armed forces, wine, tiger weddings(this used to be part of tradition but now to find a tiger itself is a puzzle) Pork curry, steamed rice balls(Kadumbote), Coffee, Paddy, cardamom, oranges, pepper, field hockey, not necessarily in that order J. With that I will sign off.

Peace,

Mithuna

Loneliness

I wish I could say- I am never lonely. But I would be lying. There are days when the only image in my head is a vast open space, no trees, no rivers, no birds, no people, NOTHING. Just me standing on this wide open area and there is no one there. I am scared sometimes, fine sometimes, but mostly scared. Today is one of them. I look at what I have become today and what I used to be yesterday and I see changes. Not good or bad, but just changes that I wish didn’t change or glad it changed.

I have people I know, or at least claim to know. I know, I only know what they are willing to reveal, what they are comfortable revealing to me. There will always be parts that I will never know and parts only I know about them. I also know I can’t share what I know about them with anyone else, b’cause when they spoke to me, there was a silent, sacred vow of trust that was made. A vow that I will not say anything about them that others don’t already know.

But in spite of all the people I know and the people I share my life with, I do get lonely. I am not always alone when I am lonely. But I do seek to be alone when I am lonely. I feel that is logical- to feel lonely because you are alone, compared to feeling lonely in spite of all the people surrounding you.

Over time I have learned to hide behind chores, never letting anyone in on my melancholy existence. Yes, I hide behind chores, like the many people I know. They are constantly busy, any attempt at asking them to meet up and spend some time together goes unaccepted. They might accept out of obligation, or cause they cant be rude for the 3rd time or the 4th. But I see through that. I notice the lack of attention while conversing or the constant fidgeting with their stuff or the furtive glances at the clock or the wrist watch. I know they want to be elsewhere doing something else, so I stopped asking them to get together. You see, I am poor, the only gift I can give is the gift of my time, unhurried time.

I wasn’t always this lonely. Somewhere over my period of life, I began to feel a sense of hypocrisy in all these numerous associations we make through life. The labels we give to relationships- Friend, pal, buddy, sister, brother, spouse, colleague, boss, fan, idol. The boxes of time we allot in accordance to organizing time, the reminders on our palm-pilots of important days, the obligatory gifts we give on their birthdays, anniversaries, mothers days, fathers day, grandparents day etc…We call it prioritizing and scheduling. I wonder how much it actually means if it wasn’t something that was done because we Wanted to do but Had to do. After all if something is important to us we wouldn’t need so many reminders or formalities, would we?

Remember that first love, did we ever need so many reminders about when we are meeting, what we are eating or what gifts we are giving? We just wanted time with that person. That’s what IMPORTANCE means, you give the only real gift you can give…Your Time. And like Gifts, you need to pack it without hurry, without worry, without expecting something in return. Time given not for the money or the fame or the name or the appreciation, but because its all you have, that is yours to give. I know what makes me lonely it but I cant remedy it in this very busy world of mine. You see, to give you have to have someone who will receive.

Entry for October 12, 2007 (360 repost)

Random Thought of the Day - All is as it should be. At any given moment, You are where You are supposed to be.

When it comes to religious beliefs, I can range anywhere from being an atheist to a fundamentalist. Although I associate myself with the label of Hindu, I would very much like to use the label- Human. When I look at events where the media quotes the perpetrator of some roit or communal violence, as Hindus, I do feel ashamed for carrying that label. Yes, I do understand that the media quotes are motivated by politics and economics and that the truth can never be found on the NEWS. But it still puts me to shame that we(Hindus) weren't intelligent enough to avoid blame or to behave differently. These are the times I feel like a fundamentalist, that somehow we were right and our path is the right one and the ONLY one and everyone/thing else is wrong. Of course, I cant live on that island of thought for long cause my rational side takes over and will fight its way through to the Live and let live side. My Rational Side has a (I am exagerrating by 1/4's)99.9% chance of always winning(with the exception of arguments with my kids and husband).

As I was reading to my kids the story of Prahlad, I remembered the story of Hiranyakashupu(Prahlad's father) and Hiranyaksha(Hiranyakashupu's brother) that I had read sometime ago. Hiranyakashupu and Hiranyaksha were in their previous life, the doorkeepers at Vaikunta, the abode of Lord Vishnu. It is said that the Kumara rishi's-Sanaka, Sanandana, Sanatana, Sanatkumara and Sanatsujata, came to pay obeisance to Lord Vishnu at Vaikunta. Jaya and Vijaya the door keepers at Viakunta refused to let them in and spoke to them with arrogance. The angered rishis cursed them to a live life on earth forgetting their godliness and closeness to Vishnu. When Jaya and Vijaya realized their folly, they begged Sri Vishnu to help them stay. So Vishnu says that since the exalted ones curse always comes to pass he could only offer a compromise.. He gave Jaya and Vijaya a choice between living on earth for 7 lives as Devotees of Vishnu or 3 lives as Enemies of Vishnu. They wanted to be back at the Lords feet at the earliest so they chose to be enemies of Vishnu in three yugas. In the Krita Yuga(part of the Hindu time cycle, I have a site for it on my blogroll if you are interested in reading about it)they were Hiranyaksha and Hiranyakashupu, In the Treta Yuga they were Kumbakarna and Ravana and in the Dwapara Yuga they were Shishupala and Dantavakra. Hiranyaksha and Hiranyakashupu were considered as Asuras(those embodied with personalities that are quick to choose Anger, Indulgence, Greed etc).

As I remembered, I suffered a sudden insight into why I tend to not act when according to those in my life, I should have. I end up rooted to the spot, lost in thought- This is karma in action. I wonder what my relationship was with this person, in my previous births. Was she/he my friend, child, lover, parent, family elder, the person from my village, my debtor, my creditor, my neighbour? I say Previous Births because I cant see myself as being all that I am today just with the knowledge gained from the last three decades, definitely there must have been many lifetimes through which I have gained certain insights that make me so SURE about certain things in life. Now why I cant remember all my other lives, I havent yet worked on the theory that has convinced me yet. I see myself as a speck or blob of energy. If materially we are composed of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen and each of those elements are composed of atoms, then at the core, we must be an intangible(spiritual) form of energy(of course I wouldn't get a Nobel Prize for that kind of Theory).

This would further be an explanation for the old stories of yore about people levitating, being able to move stuff without touching them, knowing what the animals talk about etc. which is presently considered as a Con. Imagine if all you had to do was to manipulate the way energy flows around you or within you to change an outcome. God, can be explained as that person who through discipline, focusing on the balance, harmony and the present, is able see the whole (as in all that is there in the Universe) picture and manifest changes that is in accordance with the Law of Nature. This might probably be a symbiotic working of all that is there within the known and unknown realms. So it does make sense if the Hare Krishna's say that all is Lila (a play directed by God). Depending on where we stand to view this energy, we could say its outside, inside, both inside and outside, neither inside or outside, non-existent, exists but not understandable, part of us or separate from us.

Applying this thought to all the events happening in our world and the people involved in these events, I feel everything is as it should be. I should not be agitated by the workings of Politicians, the citizens, the criminals etc. because they are just all living out their Nature in accordance with what their Karmic agreements are. Is that an apathetic view? I don't know. If we are all doing what we are supposed to be doing, then maybe it seems chaotic only if we watch them at the same level as the events, Maybe if we flew in an airplane looking down, the events would seem very patterned, very orderly, in the process of various degrees of movement or stillness.

I could go on with this till the cows come home but my feet just landed on the ground. So I am Done with Being the Dreamer/Thinker for the day. Now back to Chores in the my world.

As Usual

Pondering while working

Wishing all Peace

Mithuna.

Lingering Smile

Ever have a smile linger
At the first embers
in the child's eyes, the wonder
the excitement that spills over
The joy of discovery.

Ever have a smile linger
At the thought of
the first kiss, shared shyly
Under the shade of a mango tree
Declaring unspoken need.

Ever have a smile linger
At the feeling of awe
Looking at the double rainbow
After the first Rains in Fall
Feeling the earth Yawn.

Ever have a smile linger
At the memory of
Glancing shyly, across the distance
At that first love
Warmth spreading over.

Ever have a smile linger
For no reason at all
Except that life has been
Just the way it should be
A Joy filling your soul.
Ever have that smile?

K P Rashmi- October 3rd 2007

The Affair

In the quiet of our hearts
Conversations mute
Remembering-
His wife, my husband
What do we say to them?
Wondering-
Where do we go from here?
What are we going to do?

Did Fate play its cards right?
Is this the way our life will be?
Resisting the pull
With all our might
Denying each other
As if to spite.
Keeping our silences
With our faces trite.

So close but always apart
Where ever you are
Is where I can never be
Where we are
We'll be lonely.
Passing each other by, looking in
Looking out for the other, staying out.
Yearning For that
which our minds forbid.

Symbolism of Ganesh

On Saturday next week, is Ganesh Chaturthi, it is the festival where Lord Ganesh, the elephant headed God of the Hindu Pantheon, is worshipped. It is a festival thats celebrated more rigorously in the States of Maharastra, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Andra Pradesh. He Governs the aspects of Wisdom, Knowledge, working through obstacles and of taking life as it comes. Maybe that's the reason he's my favorite. Those of you who have studied any religion, would know that religion is usually filled with symbolism which have as deep a meaning as the interpreter. Symbolism, is not a SLR camera with the WYSIWYG(what you see is what you get). I had to go hunting for the meanings of the symbolism in Ganesh. Here is what I found.

Legends say that Ganesh was created out of the Sandalwood paste that Parvathi(Shiva's consort) used on her body before taking a bath. She made a model of a Boy with this paste and breathed life into it. She then asked him to guard the door, to not let anyone in while she bathed. When Shiva arrives at the door, he finds that he cant go into his own home because this dutiful son would not allow him in. The Boy then has a confrontation with Shiva's army and with Shiva and beat them in the battle. Annoyed, Shiva severs his head. After her bath, Parvathi discovers her dead son and became inconsolable. The head of the Boy was smashed beyond repair. So Shiva sends his horde asking them to bring the first living being, sleeping with its head to the North(this is probably why most Hindus do not keep their Beds with the Head facing North). They come across an elephant sleeping with this head towards the North. They sever the head and get it back to Shiva who then fits it on to the body of the boy and grants him the boon of being the First to be worshipped on any Occasion… So it has come to be that before the start of any endeavor, prayers and offerings are made to Lord Ganesh.
The Ganesh Sholka:
"Om, Shri Vakratunda Mahaakaaya, Suryakotee Sama Prabha,
Nirvighnam kuru mey Deva, Sarva kaaryeshu Sarvadaa"
Meaning :
O Lord of Large body, curved trunk, with the brilliance of a million suns, please make all my work free of obstacles, always.
This is said at the beginning of a journey or a start of the day's work . Every Manifestation of God has a Root sound associated with them, the root sound associated with Ganesh is "Gum" .
Ganesh Chaturthi Celebrations:
The celebrations start with - A like clay model of Lord Ganesha is made 2-3 months prior to the day of Ganesh Chaturthi. The size of this idol may vary from 3/4th of an inch to over 25 feet. On the day of the festival, it is placed on raised platforms in homes or in elaborately decorated outdoor tents for people to view and pay their homage. The priest, usually clad in red silk dhoti and shawl, then invokes life into the idol amidst the chanting of mantras. This ritual is the pranapratishhtha, which literally means Instilling Life. After this the shhodashopachara (16 ways of paying tribute) follows. Coconut, jaggery, 21 modakas (rice flour preparation), 21 durva (trefoil) blades and red flowers are offered. The idol is anointed with red unguent (rakta chandan). Throughout the ceremony, Vedic hymns from the Rig Veda and Ganapati Atharva Shirsha Upanishad, and Ganesha stotra from the Narada Purana are chanted. For 10 days, from Bhadrapad Shudh Chaturthi(most hindus follow the Lunar Calendar) to the Ananta Chaturdashi, Ganesha is worshipped. On the 11th day, the image is taken through the streets in a procession accompanied with dancing, singing, to be immersed in a river or the sea symbolizing a ritual see-off of the Lord in his journey towards his abode in Kailash while taking away with him the misfortunes of all man. After the final offering of coconuts, flowers and camphor is made, people carry the idol to the river to immerse it.
Source : About.com
Here are some recipes that are made specially for the celebrations.
Have A blessed Ganesh Chaturthi!
Peace Always
Mithuna.

Entry for September 03, 2007 (360 repost)

Random thought of the day - The Key to Harmonious Life is Honesty unto yourself.

They say that when you are drunk or when you are angry, you say the things that you have held in your core self. I know this, because I have lived with the drunk and the perpetually angry. Don't Ever say, "I didn't Mean it" after you are sober or not angry anymore; For in the final analysis, if you really cared about the person or cared about the relationship you share with this person, even in the drunkenness and anger you will care enough to temper what you say. Most times after you are sober, you will worry about the consequences of what you said, which is why you give yourself the excuse "I didn't mean it". Don't come back to me after you betray my trust and give me non-sense like "It just happened" cause in my eyes, nothing really happens, you lead yourself up to it. No event happens in itself, there are always indicators, its just a matter of you seeing it, acknowledging it and deciding what action you are going to take. Yes, we slip up. Yes, we are surprised by results because we forgot to be aware every moment, we excuse it as "being human" but it never late to correct it. If you don't correct it then you will push yourself into a vicious cycle of lies, where you will tell yourself more lies to justify the previous lies. Soon you can't tell the difference between a lie and a truth. This will reflect on the outside too. This is when other people will begin to view you as a person lacking in Integrity. You see, it didn't start with them accusing you as such a person, but by you letting yourself become that person. Their accusations will offend you, cause within you, you are annoyed that they know your secret.

And no, I am not trying to be righteous here, I am only trying to give you my view on why being honest with yourself is important. It is more important than being honest with those outside of you. To someone outside of you, you can always say "I can't/wont/don't want to tell you" and walk away. But how are you going to walk away from yourself? Drugs, liquor, one night stands, other forms of entertainment will give a respite from acknowledging what you are. But, you are the only person you are with 24/7, so its only logical to make yourself comfortable with you, keep yourself clean inside and out. Honesty is like the cleaner. In Being honest with yourself, you learn to behave better, cause only when you are honest can you see what needs improvement within yourself and work for it. That is the way you grow into that person you want to be, that someone you can look in the eye no matter what, without regret, guilt or shame. When we live in that zone of comfort within ourselves, we are comfortable with others around us. That is what Harmony means, to be in comfort with yourself and the surroundings.

Peace always,

Mithuna

Note to self : Be more aware of what you do at all times, that way you can be more honest with yourself, and live in Harmony.

P. S. Thank you Timberghost, your question made me think enough to write this out.

Reflections on a Deathbed. (360 repost)

I have lived. I know not if I lived well or lived badly, but live, I did. My Voice has grown soft over the years, for life doesn't need to hear me loudest. My voice has been tempered with what my eyes have seen, ears have heard and my heart has felt. My eyes have lost sight. My heart has taken over the job of my eyes and it seems to see better. My ears have hushed but my skin feels the heart beat of those around me. Life has been very beautiful, quite ambivalent and sometimes ugly. But Live, I did, this life of Mine.

I have ranged from being non-sensical to paradoxical to absolutely stable. To discover the whole range of things I could be was exasperating as well as joyful. I raised a garden, so I could feel the pulse of the earth. I raised the kids, so I could feel my immortality. I raised livestock, so I could feel the connectedness in the difference. I have nourished others, in the hope that, I have nourished their souls. I haved nursed the sick, so I could heal myself of hurts. I have laughed, I have cried, I have been angry, I have been patient and impulsive, I have fallen from grace and risen from it too. I have wished for death and I have wished Life Goes on forever. All the while, Living this Life of mine.

I may not be accomplished or successful the way you see it, but I have observed and experienced, where-ever I have stood. I have felt the snap of a breaking heart. I have felt the weight of gratefulness. I have seen the strength of Faith. I have felt the tallness of Intergrity. I have felt the freedom of giving. I have felt the joy of un-restrained laughter and the pain of un-cried tears. I have Hated and Loved and felt all the in-betweens. Most of all I have Loved- Loved the ones I came through; Loved the ones who blessed me with their friendship; Loved the One who set My heart on Fire; Loved the ones who came through me; Loved the ones who have shared short journeys with me. Yes! I have loved in My Life, and somehow, everything else seems inconsequential in the light of that one event. Yes, I have lived well, this Life of mine.

Why we read what we dont understand

I enjoy listening to languages I dont understand, its the only way to entertain my poor Bored ear. I try not to make my senses complacent. So sometimes during my everyday chores of cutting veges, cooking and cleaning, I end up with a cut on my finger or a burn on my arm or a blue mark on my thigh(nope I am not admitting I am a Klutz). If I continue doing the things as it is done everyday, my brain feels like its on automation. I dont like automation, I like to mark the difference between a Machine and ME...

oh where was I? Yeah! listening to stuff that I dont understand... Probably my first introduction to what I dont understand was the early morning Shloka readings I used to hear from my neighbours house. You could set the clock by the time that Uncle used to start the Shloka, it used to be regularly, without fail. At first it annoyed me that his shloka was waking me up... but over time I began to enjoy it. So I used to stand at the sink, eyes closed, with the brush in my teeth listening to the high and lows of his chanting. I never knew what it was that was that felt so nice but listen I did. After a while I used to know the variations if he made a mistake(I am presuming he did so). At that time, my mother was reading the Bhagawath Geeta in Sanskrit with its translations in Kannada(a language she could read write and speak fluently). Me, the one who prided herself in being Logical couldnt understand it. Why read the Sanskrit version and then read the translation when you could just read the translation and be done? Oh well! I should have known it will come to bite me in the future...I did it too in my 20's, reading the Bhagawath Geeta in sanskrit with translations in English. Makes me wonder... is there some pattern in the Genes for carrying over Mother's mode of behaviour? I never bothered to rationalize it.. it just was.. I like doing it. Yesterday, my cousin sends me this story which I thought gave me an explanation of why my mother did what she did... Here goes the story. Enjoy:

Why do we read Geeta, even if we can't understand a Sanskrit word???

The Story:

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson.
Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Geeta. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavat Geeta just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavat Geeta do?"

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again.

This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty.

Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"
"So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavat Geeta. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of God in our lives."

End of story.

I guess it goes to explain reading every holy book too. Maybe thats why they are considered Holy. This also takes me back to second grade when we learned the Multiplication tables without really understanding what it meant. We had to memorize it, so we did.. When I reached 3rd grade, as I was writing out the table on paper, I suddenly understood how the table was written.. I felt elated.. although thinking about it now, I wonder if I was a dullard at math(giggling).

Peace always

Mithuna

Decisions

Found this quote about Success that made me smile.

"What is the Secret of SUCCESS... ? "RIGHT DECISIONS"

How do you make Right Decisions...? "EXPERIENCE"

How do you get Experience... ? "WRONG DECISIONS""

The Last Gift -short story

With the children and school and husband at work, Ria sits by the window enjoying the sunlight. This is something she does for herself. Its her time to Bask, like a seal on a rock, doing nothing. For the next thirty minutes or so, she will not move from her chair except for sipping her coffee.

She wonders if she should let her husband and family know what the doctor has said. Dr. Gupta was surprised that Ria took the news so well. She was quiet for a moment after she had heard the prognosis and asked "How much time do I have?". "About 9 months" Dr. Gupta said. "Exactly the amount of time to prepare for one life, guess thats a good amount of time to prepare for one death" She thought silently.

Her thoughts go to the time her grandmother was ill and in the hospital. What did grandmother feel? Was she in pain? Did she want to die? Did she will herself to live? Did she blame God for the pain? She remembered being 14, sitting by her grandmom's bed. There was only steady breathing that she had heard. Once in a while she heard grandmom groan in her sleep, its the only times she heard anything akin to complain. Her grandmom had passed peacefully after having a really good day. On that day, all her children, grandchildren and her childhood friend had come to meet her during the day. She was so upbeat and smiling, like as if she had beat the cancer and the pain had been less. That evening after all had left for the night, she passed away in her sleep. It was like dying was a job she wanted to do alone, without anyone seeing her do it.

Ria wonders if she is like her grandmom, does everyone feel the same way when they die? Do we fight against dying or would we just accept it? Does it matter either way, fight or accept? After all Die, we will, no matter what. Shes always been curious about death. Death is such an unbiased thing. It arrives at our doors once life is done, never asking whether you lived well, healthy, wealthy or poor. Nothing that you did or said or felt or experienced is going to make any difference to death. After a while nothing about you really matters to those you left behind, except for memories.

Her husband was someone who spoke very little. Their conversations were mostly about what needs to be done or about the kids and other kind of formalities. In the begining, she had such grandiose ideas about Marriage and Husband and How families are supposed to be. But 5 years into the marriage, her ideas succumbed to the reality of life. She learned that Nothing really happens like the stories in the Romance Novels. She became a silent spectator of her own life, watched the death of her Ideas of life as she put them on the pyre one by one. Life was tough and she got used to it. "Whats the use of complaining?" thought Ria, "Either I should do something about it or I should learn to accept what is". She chose the path of least resistence, Acceptance. Now she wonders, would he miss her when she dies? If he did, would he tell anyone?

Two years into the marriage, the kids came and the chores increased. She watched the kids, their chatter, their loving arms, their silly stories, their laughter, she let them be for the most part. Disciplining them fell to her list of things to do, and so she did it. She smiled at the memory of defiance from the kids and then compliance. She hoped they would some day look back and say "I am glad mom did what she did". She wouldnt be there to hear it, would she now? Memories are funny things, they pop up without warning, they can make a perfect smile, tearful or a tearful face, break into a smile. Memories understand Irony perfectly. Leaving my children, thats more painful than dying, she thinks.

She wonders why she isnt raving and ranting at the prospect of dying. Why she doesnt feel very sad about it? But she isnt happy about it either. Is this what impeding death feels like? Total Numbness? Is something wrong with me? I am 40 years old, I should be living at least until 60, she thinks, yet I am not miffed at the loss of 20 years? She says to herself - I have done what needs doing until now and I only know that things need to get done before I go...Somehow along the path of life, she Understood Life to be Duty. Everything has a duty, the sun has to rise and set to bring in day and night, the earth has to rotate and revolve heralding the seasons, the water has to either flow or stay stagnant each serving its purpose, the wind has to blow or stay calm, the fire has to put forth warmth or burn, each in its station, each with a duty to perform, each has a purpose. So do animals, insects, soil and human beings. She wonders if she has served her purpose, and she quietly decides, she has, else she wouldnt be dying would she?

Basking done, she gets ready for the chores of the day. The family need not know, until they need to know. That way there is less brooding, less focus on her being sick, less of sadness and pity fests. Thats her last gift to the ones she loves, happiness with everything in its place as long as she can give it to them. She will continue with getting things done until she cant get them done anymore and then they would know. A sigh escapes her lips as she washes her empty cup at the sink.