Dear Child

Dear Child,

 

I know you want to grow up

Grow up as fast as you can

Yet, I ask you

To use this as a lesson in patience

Growing takes time

There will be times when you grow on the outside

And times when you grow on the inside

Both are needed

No amount of hurrying will lessen that time.

 

I know you want to talk like older people

Use words that they use

Yet, I ask you

To not tax your tongue

Into saying what you dont understand

Words are precious and powerful

Take your time learning the words,

Learning their meanings,

So you can really mean what you say.

 

I know you want to look like an adult

Wear clothes like them

Yet, I ask you

To think through before you dress

Ask yourself -

Am I comfortable in these?

Is this appropriate for the occasion?

As sad and unfair as it is, clothes do make a (wo)man

Doors open or shut depending on what you wear.

 

I know you dont want to listen

To parents, when you have friends

Yet I ask you to stop and listen

Listen to the love and concern in their voices and words

Listen to their knowing of the world around you

They have experience, you havent yet earned.

They have lived longer than you, learned a thing or two

You dont have to do like they did

But stop and have a conversation with them.

 

When all is said and done

It matters not how fast you grew

but how steady a person you are

It matters not how many adult words you use

but how your words made the other feel

It matters not how fashionable you were

but how elegant your spirit is

It matters not how many friends you have

but how many touched your soul

It matters not if you didnt do what your parents did

but how well you did what you do

Its about how tall you can stand

When there is no applause.

 

Loving you always,

Your Mother.

One of those Days

A Housewife's life is a series of never-ending chores.  I enjoy some and others I do them cause it has to be done.  I enjoy chores like cleaning, shining or polishing something or putting order to closets that become the catch all,  folding symmetrical clothes. It gives me that extra Oomph! to see the RESULTS - shining  and perfect little squares or rectangles sitting on the closet shelf and it stays that way for at least a week or two, after which, I feel it is a reasonable lapse of time to do it again.  Most other jobs never seem like they are done. The sink gets empty only to get full, floors get mopped only to be mopped again, counters get cleaned only to get cluttered, the laundry basket gets empty only to get full, the clothes get Ironed and folded/hung only to be taken out and wrinkled, I eat only to feel hungry again in a four hours, Food gets cooked and then I have to cook again.  Even the words I used to converse is redundant - "Drive carefully" "Please shut the door gently" "Please lower the TV volume" "Put your shoes in its place" "Put away those toys"  "Put your desk in order"  "Put the clothes IN the laundry basket".  It might seem unreasonable or unpractical, sometimes Trivial, as-this is life- people would say, but I look at the redundancy of the jobs I do and think I am no different than a Factory Machine-  Do- repeat process - repeat process -  repeat process. 

In a month or two the Machine Breaks down or goes on strike- that's when people in my home cant find their socks, cant find a clean glass, find their part of the closet empty, have an upset stomach from eating all meals outside the house. That's also when everyone in my home become the Buddha, and Enlightenment occurs - "Oh!! there was someone doing all these things in the background."  Then we have mini and macro Buddha's running around the house, there is so much help doing the chores that I feel like an undeserving, ungrateful, unloving Queen. 

We had that kind of day over the weekend.  I was vacationing from the vacation ... I got myself a Huge pile of books and decided "I am going to trade one redundancy for another which I enjoy - read every-time there's a chore to do". We had the Enlightenment Conference and  sparks flew everywhere like mini-fireworks,  every chore was done without me having to repeat them.  YAY!!

Now, its time to get back to my Housewifely Life filled with redundancy, that I actually seem to Love(shh!! don't tell them that, I love those conferences) yet have to Complain about every now and then.

Peace Always
Rashmi.

Entry for February 25, 2008

Random Thought of the day- The Gift, not accepted, remains with the Giver.

In one of my weekend conversation with the little ones, I said that just because there are unkind kids at school doesnt mean that they have to be unkind to others.  I do subscribe to the view that we dont need to let others mould us into something we dont want to be. Of course, its not an original thought, it did come somewhere from my childhood readings of Buddha.  Specifically it came from a story I heard a long while ago.  It goes something like this- 

During his numerous wanderings, Buddha was once invited by a rich man to have dinner at his home.  So at the appointed time Buddha arrives at the man's house and realizes that the Man had an agenda.   The Man  began to verbally abuse the Buddha for his teachings, the kind of man he was and the kind of followers he had.  Buddha sat quietly until the man was done talking after which he got off his seat and left. The Disciples were very agitated with what they saw. They asked him why the Buddha did not say anything while the man was clearly being rude. The Buddha replied- I did not accept his gift and hence it is with him. 

The idea is that Hatred does not end hatred so do not retaliate in Kind.  Of course this applies only for what we view as negative behaviour. We would want to repay Kindness with kindness and Love with Love. 

But as I told my kids to not be unkind even though the other is unkind, I was contradicting my own words in my mind.   I have seen that not retaliating is considered as a weakness by most. I have seen that the Nice kids are the ones who become targets for bullying.  I see the ones who are unruly are the ones who get to get away with what they do. And I wondered if I was doing right by my kids, telling them to be kind inspite of the unkindness.  I wondered if I wasnt handicapping them in some way.  If I wasnt making room for someone to think they can take advantage of them just because they are well-mannered-good kids(at least for the most part).  Does that quote hold in today's world?

I hate the conflict my ideal world and the real world creates.  It annoys me to see that what I see as right and want to teach  kids to be like would become a hurdle for them to cross. 

I struggle everyday with what I should do and say and how I should become so that my kids would have the ethics but also the smarts to  live in a not so NICE world.   How do we do whats right and make sure our kids arent scarred in some way?  How do we  make them People with a conscience in a everyday world without a conscience?

Walking  in motherhood limbo
Rashmi.

A peep into Motherhood

Ever since I had kids,  I suffer from time-anemia.  There are only so many hours in a day. I am mostly pre-occupied with the things that need doing.  I am interrupted from most things I enjoy doing.  Most every activity is half done and forgotten.  I have books that I have read a few pages and haven't got back to; Music that I bought but haven't listened to; Movies that I bring to watch but never watch and when I do, I never watch a complete movie in one sitting or I have the titles and stories mixed up.  I don't remember sleeping through the night when my kids were younger, and now, I try to do the things late at night when the house, the kids and husband are in dreamland. Yes, I have a hurricane for a life. But in all this seeming chaos, I have a joy, a joy that I can't really explain.  It's like that plaque a friend of my dad's gave my dad. It reads “I actually love my life, but I like complaining more"

My kids forced me to embark on a journey of self discovery, self acceptance and self love. Children are our Godly Teachers.  In their innocence, they teach me things about life, laughter, being ever in the present.  I never saw my toddlers save for tomorrow, not toys, snacks, laughter or tears. When they give me a hug, there is so much joy in it, a sense of well being and from the heart. I was not a hugger but my kids taught me to be one. I love returning their hugs, it uplifts my spirit. Truly there is no ailment, a hug cant heal.

Children present opportunities to stop, look, breathe and take in all that is wonderful around you. The trees, sky, grass, clouds, rain, sunshine, birds, animals, rocks, moon and other sentient and non sentient beings look more vibrant when viewed through your child's eyes.  Agreed, it's hard work bringing up a child, but I feel, the rewards are worth it. They teach you things of the spirit while you teach them things of this world.  And if you look close enough and spend enough time with them, you get a glimpse into that all pervading cosmic energy and then your life is never the same

One of the greatest understandings you gain about becoming a mother is that- nothing is really in your hands. Motherhood is a lesson is giving up control. You getting pregnant, going through the whole process of holding this life within you, the time of birth and what the little life you helped bring into this world will become, is really not in your hands. Everything in our life has a reason and season. When the fruit ripens enough it will fall from the tree. The tree can't hasten the process and fruit can't kick itself to fall off from the tree...If a man plucks the fruit before it is ripe. He still can't ripen it fast enough because even that takes time...I feel, our life is like that. There isn't really anything to do, or get or become. There is only being in the moment experiencing all that life has to offer.  We can only feel honored that our children chose to come through us, and serve them along their lives journey, just as our Parents did.   Reminds me of  Khalil Gibran's poem on children :

"Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable."

P.S. It has taken me over 3 days and numerous interruptions for me to finish this entry.