Saakshi sat at her computer, staring at the screen, waiting for his typed words. Feeling him through the distance, knowing he is there sitting at the computer but quiet. Not saying anything, always staying, just out of her reach. Why she wonders, do some people take a place in the heart, especially when she doesn't want them to?
She has much to say, but is hesitant and untrusting of her self. She sees him pick up clues about her in the various conversations. It made her laugh and be scared at the same time. Was that what excitement felt like? Its been a long while since she felt any. She wanted to know more about him, but sensed his reticence, especially with anything that matters to him. Most days she gets a "I have been busy" message. Really? Busy doing what? she wants to ask but she knows that the answer will be.."With work". She half wanted to pierce the facade, the fortress that he puts up. Wanting to yet not wanting, scared of what she will reveal yet trusting him to see that she could be trusted and accept her for what she is. Her invisible twin watched the yin-yang play within her and smiles in derision.
7 years ago, she was introduced to chatting by her cousin and friend. It was a blessing to be able to talk to cousins back home without having to make that expensive phone call. Things have changed since then. From just her family and friends back home, her buddy list grew steadily with the random people she met via the various discussion forums on the internet. She knew the deal- keep the talk impersonal, don't ask questions, don't answer if their questions are personal, don't expect anything. Once their need is fulfilled they will stop chatting. They all had reasons for chatting with her. Most of these random people usually stop chatting/contacting her after a while. She never knew the reasons for either. She cherished their conversations, the time they spent chatting with her and wished them well where ever they are.
The first time she received his mail, she thought it wouldn't be any different than those others before him. A few conversations about their shared interests and then it will be done. Yes, they had similar interests, he was well read, very orderly too about his reading, loved any music, a typical English Gentleman, philosophical yet practical and witty. He didn't stop with just a couple of conversations. There were many more and over those conversations she felt differently about him. Never understood what it was, but she trusted her instinct about him. She wanted to reach out to him, but she felt like the river feeling its way through a craggy mountain. Never knowing where the cliff is, hoping that he wouldn't fall off of the cliff and disappear from her life. She wanted him to stay, in whatever form he chooses to stay. So she kept her distance, a very safe distance. She wonders if that is pathetic. At least thats what her best friend would tell her.
From what little she knows of him, she knows that he would have wished her on her birthday, cause he did for the two years she knew him. She wonders if he is alive and well. She wishes she had the right to yell at him for not leaving a message, for not giving her an alternative means to contact him, for making her concerned and worried. Her brain sneers "Yeah, you wish don't you? And what would you offer him? A box of Nothing?"
She hears a little voice say "Good morning, Mom". She gives herself a mental shake, logs out, smiles at her daughter rubbing her sleepy eyes, picks her up and walks away from the computer, throwing a "Goodmorning" at her now awake husband. She sets about her chores while sending a silent prayer to the heavens above -- Please keep him well, where ever he is.
This is my entry for Carol's random writing challenge.. have fun visiting her blog for more stories
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