Random Rambling.

I am going to go wherever my mind goes today and live up to the alias of Minds Nomad.    There have been things simmering in the background.  Giving my mind a break from logically connected thinking.  Hail to Randomness!

Three weeks ago a Cyclone hit Myanmar(formerly a British colony re-named Burma for convenience, derived from the name of the majority ethnic group, Bamar).  So many are dead. The official death numbers vary.  There is no way to know the exact numbers because of the political situation in Myanmar.  So many are homeless and aren’t accounted for.  Their Government is a Military Dictatorship, very wary of interference from any western nations and I guess they do have a good reason to be wary. It’s a matter of holding on to the Political power the Military has and the fact that the West doesn’t have a history for aiding any Nation without some Economic/Political Gain/Interest. 

I was listening in on the NPR program “World have your say” a few days ago and it was very apparent from what the host was saying - that the West wants to use this disaster for political leverage. They want to offer aid on the condition that the Myanmar Government take steps to become a Democratic nation.  I call it the Wests three step Evangelization program -1. Democratic Evangelization, making way for  2. Religious Evangelization,  making way for 3. Economic Evangelization.  They also want a West Friendly Government(read, a government that will succumb to any pressure that the West uses to make a Economic or Political or Religious headway within that nation) installed. One of the questions the Host asked was “Is it true that the US would not win no matter what they did.  Whether they send in aid or if they don’t send in aid, either way they are going to be wrong?”  Most people who called in to answer went into an explanation why that is so.  But the host got a little too aggressive(of course that’s my opinion) when he cut off their explanations saying “that doesn’t answer the question”.  I thought the answer was obvious “Yes, they are in a no win situation and they have no one to blame but themselves. If you need proof look into the history of their aid offering to other nations; it is always followed by some kind of pre-condition.  They move in like the Camel, in the story of the Camel and the Tent- example Okinawa in Japan, military bases in Europe, military presence in Middle East, Africa, South America and Asia.  Basically telling the other nation – “Now I’ve got you by your tail Buddy.  I am going to sit in your nation and watch you like a hawk, let me see you escape this.”

Now what makes me feel bad is that numerous people will die because of the Egos of the Political Factions within the Nation and the Greed of the ones who can offer add.  This probably has always been and will always be.  But can you blame me for hoping that human beings will show their Nobler side?  That the powerful will offer aid just because they can and not because they can negotiate what to get for that aid?  That is my Idealistically Emotional side speaking.

 

On the other hand, my Philosophical Witness side watches the way Nature takes care of herself.  Yes, she is becoming more polluted in her waters, in her air etc.. the Reason – Population of Human Beings and the hazards we bring in with Civilization and Modernization .. the solution – large scale removal of life.  A sort of cycle of cleansing, just like our body – what we put in, is sorted into what can be used, repaired, stored and thrown out and there are organs doing just that. When our system gets overwhelmed with the repairing, we age and die.  I watch nature do the same, with respect to our Earth.

The other sad news was of the earthquake in China.  Again so many are dead, or buried under the rubble.  Schools have collapsed with students in them.. I cant imagine the grief the Chinese Parents feel, who by law can only have ONE child.  Life as they knew it, is done.   I could go on and on about how disaster can change ones life, but it will not really make much of an impact unless we experience it. 

There were simultaneous bomb blasts in Jaipur, in places of worship and places where people were gathering in large numbers.  Yes, terrorist attacks.  India has a thorn on her head(Jammu and Kashmir) and it cant be removed given its historical perspective.  So we go through the constant desecration of our holy places and death of our people and move on.  A few more deaths among a billion right?(sarcastic)

I had a friend at college who I considered my best friend.  She fell in love and had a complete personality change and then changed her religion too.. Something I didnt approve of. If someone wanted to convert after studying and practising a particular religion and felt that it resonates with their nature, its the right thing to do. In her case, the way I saw it, being Hindu was good enough to fall in love with, but it wasnt good enough to get married.  The condition that she had to "convert to the Man's religion"  to marry; well, it smacks of a politico-religio agenda not Love. But I let it go cause I thought she was happy.  I didnt ask her why she made such a drastic decision when all that she was, was partly because she was Hindu. I wanted to, but I didnt, I thought that was overstepping the bounds of friendship cause, I dont believe in having to dig something out of a person, if she trusted me enough she would have explained without my asking.  But the thing I couldnt get past is that she did not come to my wedding.  We havent met since that day. I miss her, I keep  her in my thoughts but I am not in contact with her.  Would I want to?  Yes, some day when my heart doesnt smart at the thought of all the unanswered questions. Rationally I know I sound petty, I should let this go, but its not everyday that I get married and it wasnt that she was Far away from where I was getting married, just about 10 kilometers, it wasnt that she wasnt well either. 

My friend Claudia asked me if I ever felt unworthy in my own eyes.  This might seem weird, but I never found the need to measure my worth.  I am a bundle of contradictions, goodies and flaws, sometimes I am on top of the world, sometimes I am in a bottomless pit, sometimes I am in between, I am not a genius but I am not stupid either, I just oscillate between the two at different times. I try not to have illusions about what I am capable off or how I look or what I know or dont know.  I just know that what ever I am at that moment, is what I am, as I cant erase whats done.  When I am aware, I notice I dont have an ego when it comes to connecting with trees, rocks, rivers, earth etc. but my Ego does comes in the way of connecting with people, I notice the fear and conditioning I hold that has been handed down to me.  I notice times when I feel hurt because someone I cared about looked down on me, but I cant stay hurt all the while... I am too lazy, I dont have the perseverance for it. I cant hold grudges for the very same reason, I get tired of it too quickly and I will find something else to do, something that is actually joyful.  When I am not aware, I  become, petty, angry, impatient, judgemental, lose perspective and make the biggest blunders a person of my size could ever make.  I figured that no matter where I am in my life, there will always be people above me and people below me, so I spend my effort, learning from those above me, teaching those below me and walking carefully so that I dont trample either ones to get where-ever it is that I need to get to.

My cousin, who my Mother Admires very much, said something very profound. I asked her what she thought life was.  She said, its those few Grand Events and lots of maintenance to get to those Grand Events.  She is 3 years younger than I am.  I wanted to hug her for what she said but I didnt cause I didnt want my Mother say  "See I told you she was Wise".  As amazing a person my Mother is, its rare for her to appreciate anything I am.  The ONE person I would like approval from never grants it to me.  Its one of those puzzling ironies of my life. When I complained about this to My Other best friend from College, she said "Let it go, your mom's old, she could pass anytime, let her go in peace" and I had to retort "which is more of a reason why she should tell me she appreciates me" Of course, we laughed about it.  Yes, I was being childish.
 
I cant figure how to act 37 years old.  I dont feel 37, some days I wake up thinking I have to get to college(about 16 or 18 years old)  but other days, I can hear my bones creek and I just want to curl up and sleep for a week.  Somedays, my husband says that he cant make out the difference between me and  my kids....hmm.. he needs glasses doesnt he? Today I am tired, the reason being this new kid at the school where I work part-time... He's very young and not ready to go to  school. He is doing everything he can to ensure his staying home.  Today, he threw 3 tantrums in 2 hours, I literally prayed for Compassion for him.  We had to make sure he doesnt hurt himself so One of the teachers had to sit with him.  Finally we had to call his mother to take him home.  We have to balance the time spent with each of the kids at school, if we pay all our attention to ONE then the other kids get shortchanged. These are the times, I wish I was psychic, so I could read what was going on in his head, it would have helped to figure how to help him transition into a school going kid.

Its late and this blog is long.  I better get some sleep. Got to work tomorrow.

Peace always
Rashmi.