An Update

Hello my dear, unseen but mostly read friends.  How have you been?  How has your summer/monsoon been? 

 

I know I have been amiss with my presence on Multiply.  I can give you excuses but it all comes down to not being adept at time management.  So without much ado, let me give you an update. 

It has been a so-so summer and a really busy, no time to breathe kind of month since school began. We did just a couple of hikes. We did visit Crater lake, and Oregon Vortex, will put up the pics soon.  Middle of summer, my Mother-In-law was here to visit us and stayed with us for almost 5 weeks. It was a good to have someone in the house other than just the four of us. 

Daughter started middle school, so it’s been a big change in lifestyle for us that involve getting her really early to the bus-stop (6:30 am).  It’s a big adjustment for her… She’s had a couple of teary eyed “I am so tired, I don’t like waking up so early” episodes in 2 weeks, but she never missed her Bus(YAY).  I am hoping it will change, that she will get used to the routine and continue to love school like she does. That further implies that I don’t really have MY time(it used to be after the house slept). *sniffles and sobs*.

Son loves 4^th grade.  His favorite subject is Math and he hates Writing.  So guess what I do to live up to the “Mean Mom” certificate? *giggles*

Around March this year, my husband was laid off for about 15 days before he found another job.  A job that leaves absolutely no time for anything other than work.(I miss him)  The 15 days was the most insecure, frustrating, scary time I have had in my life so far.  I haven’t done a dissection or analysis of it yet.  I am clueless about why I felt like that when for the most part I am the kind that goes “What will be, will be”.  And for the fact that there have been 3 other times when he was laid off for over 3 months and I wasn’t scared.  Maybe it was because we were younger by a decade? One good thing came out of it, I cleared most of the Clutter out, `cause it would make moving out of here easy on us. I also marked out everything that I would give away when we moved and realized, I don’t have much, when it comes to what I really like or want or can’t live without. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know.

I have been working 2 more days at my part-time job, making it 4 half days.  It’s been a good experience.  It leaves me with very little time to indulge myself with things I like doing.

I haven’t worked as much as I usually do with the “Potted garden” this year, as it rained all through spring and summer started mid July. But we have had fabulous sunshine days and that warms my thoughts and my anatomy. I got a harvest of itty-bitty tomatoes, about 1 lb of beans and lots of mint. Of course the Flowers bloomed. Fall is already here, which means rains again and I am so not looking forward to it. I have lost my acceptance for the weather (never had much to begin with).

Talking of acceptance, have you ever felt really good about yourself only to have ONE person come in and everything you ever believed about yourself falls apart?  It feels like you lived a lie all this time?   You get very annoyed, disappointed, hurt and frustrated at all the time and energy you have invested so far, on a lie?  I had one of those “Karmic Beatings” this summer.  I am still nursing the wound, I haven’t recovered from it. I haven’t yet put down my mental whip. I really don’t have an acceptance or compassion for the way I am.   I hope to get through it in one piece or maybe lose a few pieces that surely arent fitting anywhere in me. Maybe thats the mental clutter I need to clean out.

I haven’t been reading much though I have books I want to read. Right now I am trying to find some time to finish reading a few that I started over the summer. I haven’t been writing much either…I know I need to take time out for myself, but my mind seems to be very pre-occupied with “things to get done” in the day.  Hopefully by the next month, things will settle down into a routine that is manageable and I will feel more like myself.  This feels exactly like the time my children were born. I didn’t have any time for myself, I was overwhelmed with things to do. My brain went into a factory mode, do, do and do some more.

So how exactly do I feel? As much as I love my family and the life I have, right now I feel overwhelmed.  I want to leave everything and everyone and run away to some place high up in the mountains or maybe a forest, where there are lots of trees, breeze, sunshine and a waterfall or river somewhere close. I want to just get away from all the noise and chatter around me and inside me. I really need a Break. So why cant I take it? Its that thing called Resposibility. Someone needs to be constant and for now, it seems to be me at that station.  I cant be rid of it. So goes my life in a circle, sometimes up, sometimes down.  Only to get Up again. 

Thank you, For reading up to here, listening to my thoughts.  I understand that your lives are also in that circle, so I am glad for the good company I am in. Life is Doable.  

Have a good weekend. Relax, rest and rejuvinate yourselves for the coming work week.

Peace,
Rashmi