Transformations from Listening (360 repost)

Listening to the thoughts as they flow without a pause, she watches them fill the nooks and crannies making what seems to be her rules for life.  She looks in the drawer filled with unresolved dualities, of how she is and how she ought to be. Feeling an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lethargy,  she firmly tells  herself "step aside, step aside, you dont have time for this right now. Your clans honour depends on you, your kids need you, your home needs work, your husband needs you". She mentally pulls herself out, locking the drawer and telling herself for the umpteenth time "later" as she apply's an anesthetic balm. Numb now, she can deal with the "have to dos, and have to get dones" while somewhere deep inside her a volcano rumbles restlessly, threatening to erupt. She yanks off the seismograph for a while just so she can enjoy the illusion of peace and contentment. 

Listening to the thoughts as they flow without a pause, she watches the critics, the judges making harsh remarks.  Her armour and shield, dented in several places. Her weapons blunt. Every word she says, every action, every thought needing censorship.   She tries to readjust the way she walks, so that there is least pain while she does what needs doing. Her village, poor from years of war, has no blacksmith, so she has to make do with the armour she has.  She takes off the armour and stays  in the fort hoping no one knows shes there. She knows she cant go to war without an armour or a shield, for thats a sure way to die. At least these great walls keeps her alive.

Listening to the thoughts as they flow without a pause, she watches with frustrated muteness.  No matter how hard the effort, there is so much unsaid.  Every emotion peeping through the windows-eyes getting intense but voice unheard.  As the frustration rises, her thoughts become a conversation with herself. Reflecting, rebuking, understanding, accepting... Her thoughts become her prayer. A prayer,  first to the higher power seeming to exist outside her, gradually becoming a call to the strength within her. Now, as the body decays, she listens to a place of peacefulness, where every thought becomes a prayer....