Reviewing Last Year-2005

It's that time of the year when I review the entire year.  A lot of changes have occurred. Time doesn't wait for anyone.  The pain of separation from all that was familiar, comforting, has become dull. It is there, but it's like an extension of my being.  I feel it but I ignore it. 

The kids are growing up, they are quite well mannered (patting my own back, must be doing something right), and both enjoy school and learning. My daughter knows to read now and enjoys reading books to my son, who also loves books.  Since he is still learning his alphabets and doesn't know to read, he has learned to memorize the books. It amuses me to watch him read the board books from the library, like he is a pro.  Story time has become a favorite time for the kids to cuddle up to either me or their dad.  Both like to doodle and cut up paper and make paper crafts.   My son has learned to bounce the basketball and has a pretty good aim when it comes to dunking it.  10 years ago, I didn't think I would be a mom, but then here I am.  I don't think I will get the "Best Mom in Town" award but I do my best. There have been days when I imagine myself bald from the frustration I feel when I don't know if I am doing the right thing for them.

My husband still makes me laugh with his sense of humor. He was wise, now he is wise to the power of 10, but he can still annoy the heck out of me. There are days when I wonder "what if, I wasn't married?", But it always comes back to "you would still have some annoyance or something else to whine about" that is human nature.

My mother has been ill as usual. Nothing new, she is at the hospital since new years. She is in the ICU for a dialysis.  I don't know what I can say about my mom, that wouldn't be a bundle of contradictions.  One thing that I can say is that she is one strong willed woman.  I don't know if I have a lot of time with her, but I am grateful for what I had.

My father lives in his own world. If I could peep into his dream, I would probably see him wandering in our coffee estate, looking at every coffee blossom or cherry with an incomprehensible smile on his face.  He is very attached to plants and the place of his birth. I sometimes think that he must have been a Tree in his previous Life. But for now, he is with my Mother, at the hospital. I think he must be feeling like he is imprisoned.

My grandmother on my maternal side passed away 2 years ago. My paternal grand mom is about 90 years old, a little senile but alive. I haven't gotten to speak with here in two years now. I don't know what she is thinking. She is a little hard of hearing and her eyesight isn't as good as it used to be.

My Brother is going to be a father soon (March).  I wonder about him. We haven't had the greatest talking relationship but he's still my brother. 

Four of my cousins are getting married; I hope I can get to at least one of their weddings. It will be fun to catch up on stuff with my cousins in person.  I miss them.  I can't believe that they are all so grown up. It feels like yesterday when they were all running around with buggers on their faces.

I miss my aunt's trademark biriyani and tandoor chicken.  I miss all the great food that my aunts and mom cook. I also miss the roadside snacks that I could eat instead of dinner if  I was Home. I admit.. I am a food fundy .

I don't think I have changed very much, except for grey streaks on my head. I still make the biggest blunders.  I still get hurt by the words that some people I care say or the things that they do.  I have learned to hide it well though.  I still get amused very easily, it's like I have a funny bone outside my body.   I still enjoy collecting trivia and quotes that I really have no use for.  I still like to sit back and watch more than getting involved.  I still wish I had a magic wand to wipe away the pain I see/feel in others. I still get very irritated at people who are not fair or are manipulative.  I have begun to blog this year, which is a new thing for me, especially since I used to hate writing at school. I have learned to let go of some things that I used to hold on to before.  Experimenting with oil paints too, I find it a pain compared to the water and acrylics. One would think that as one grows older, they make fewer mistakes, learn to be judicious, become wiser than they were, Well, I don't think that has happened to me the last year.  But then I am not unhappy with what I am or what I have.  As all is as it should be, in my life.