There is Always Something...to life

Putting down the book, Ria turns off the lights and pulls the covers. Its that time of the night she enjoys most, going over her day and the things she has to do the next. Most of all she likes to let her mind wander on stuff that is rarely talked off in her daily interactions. Reminding herself that tomorrow is a long day, she yawns as she closes her eyes.

There is always something to do, especially on days when all she wanted to do was go away to some place, where she can feel the sand beneath her feet, didnt matter if she didnt eat, or if she remained at her seat, or if she was beat...something in a day always needs to be done. Work to keep the hands and mind busy.

There is always someone to meet, especially when all she wanted was a quiet day of solitude, meandering through her past where the memories bring joy, envision the future, be but not bother so much about the present, the numerous "responsibilities" or the people to answer to...

There is always something that goes against the plan, especially when all she wanted was a day where the smile hovered in her soul, when the flowers bloomed and fragrances spilled and the butterflies floated along with the petals of the cherry blossoms but on this particular day she had her aaachooo's.

There is always a way to get to the place of acceptance, when things don't go according to plan. Memories and experiences guide the way to a knowing that this doesn't last for all Time. Time isn't linear, time isn't cyclic, time is just a construct we have so that we can make sense with a past, present and a future. For some who like to stand in the center and view, time is a cycle, for others who like to hold its end, time is linear, for some like her, who know not what they want, Time is like an Ocean that she is dipped into... its all around her and she experiences it as snippets of experiences, sometimes understood, sometimes not Or as deep or shallow emotions and sensing senses that sometims do not make any sense.

There is always Remembrance, the kind that you cant really tell when it happened, was it really these many years ago or last month or last week...when was it that she felt that coming out of the Dark into the Light, crying, cause it hurt her eyes. There was the feel of motherly arms wrapped around her or was it many mothers holding her? That feel of the deep gruff yet soothing voice giving her the strength to stay alive in the knowledge that she was loved. How did she come to this knowledge? She doesn't know that yet... That's the Irony of life - never Knowing when we came to KNOW but once we Know, there is no way to UNKNOW it.

There always Love, that love that picks us up in our darkest hours. During times when we have fallen and feel like we could never get up, it was that love that lends its strength. All this time she had always received love cause that's what you do when you exist, or so she thought. We are born and we assume that we automatically love our parents, our siblings and family simply because it is done so. She never answered the question "Do you love your parents?" with a straight answer but with a counter question "Do you need to ask?" We go through life assuming that we didnt have a choice about who our parents or relatives are and that love, honour and loyalty to the family is an unquestioned thing. Somewhere in Ria, she knew that this was a choice too although it might seem impossible to have made. Its a choice our spirit makes out of an obligation to evolving from where or what we are at that time. All these seemingly choiceless people in our lives help us grow.

There is always that very first time, when an event makes our existence became more tangible. For Ria, it was when she gave her Love, a love she didnt think exists in her. All she knew was it wasnt the Love that Poets talk about and Psychologists say has to be unconditional. The Love that she first thought was lust, when it hit her so hard that it made breathing difficult. But over time come to realize, Yes, this is LOVE, the Love of her Life. This Man, that she lives with, sleeps and eats with. This Man, who she stares at, and caresses his cheek, while hes asleep next to her. In the beginning, she thought it was merely lust. She didnt want the Lust to complicate her path to achievement, that place she wanted to get to in her life.

There was always Ambition, a place to get to in Life. That place where she was sure of her Place cause it was ALL hers. Where she earned the Respect that was her due. You see, it wasn't the Money she was after, it was Proof that she was of value and that value to her, was Respect that was unasked for, not because she was born to a particular clan or due to the Heirarchy of birth or association with someone or some how entitled to receive but that Respect that another feels free to give.

Yet, Loving became more important than Respect. So Love she did give and it felt like the single most accomplishment of great importance. Its been years now yet, when she thinks of this Man, she sighs contently.

There is always Dreams. Some dreamed as we do things in our lives, some dreamed as a daydream, some in our sleep and some in our sleep walking through life. Yet they are dreams. The ones we pay attention to with consistency become our reality, the ones we waver on are the ones we were in doubt about or it wasn't important enough to pay constant attention to or persevere towards making a reality. Sometimes we go back remembering and rekindle the attention to a particular dream, while those that we don't, turn to dust.

There is always Death. Sometimes its of people in our lives, or of dreams or aspirations or of thoughts or of things we trust. It could be our own mortality that we are unable to accept and try hard to keep at bay, with dyes to colour our silver hair, or cosmetics to cover those wrinkles or mustaches, or those endless trips to the plastic surgeon for a tuck here or there. All these to keep what is natural as far removed from us as we possibly can. In death we think there is a finality. But Ria, knows different, Death is a mere change, like a change in attitude or a way we do things or a change in the direction of life. Death to Ria, means more lifetimes of a different kind.. Death isn't really the End, but its just the end of a chapter.

As Ria, drifts into her dreamful sleep, I can no longer tell you the things I know, the things I could affirm, you Know. Ria will know through her dreams and the voices in her dreams and as it is the nature of things, she may not remember when she wakes.