This was inspired by the Sinners Against Gender Stereotypes entry I read on Shailji's Blog-Shails Nest.
A dozen things that I did what my gender at the time was not doing. This looks like I am blowing my trumpet... I will go cut my ego horns afterwards, I promise :). Before I go further, I have to explain that all these I did without a thought about being a girl, only after it was done, when someone else brought my attention to it, did I realize that these were apparently not something a girl was supposed to do...I didnt make the rules for the girls and boys. While I agree there are differences in genders, I also think that when it comes to personalities and things we can do, there shouldnt be limits on what each gender can or cannot do.
1. Ask Questions : In my time, children were mostly seen not heard... but my mouth had a mind of its own. Everytime something didnt make sense to me, the question Why ?/ How ? / Really? would pop out of my mouth of its own accord. Most times I would get a scolding cause this used to happen with subjects that you dont question or defy, like - tradition, religion, rituals, customs or something the adults did, that to me, seemed unethical.
2. Boxed a boy and man who wasnt a Man : This particular neighbour boy, had a foul mouth and I was about 9 years old...One time we got into an argument and everything was fine until he called my parents some unsavory names.. Out popped my fist, of its own accord, no thought involved and made contact on his upper lip and nose.. of course, his nose bled and I was grounded and caned but that was my fault cause I never told my parents what he had said, I didnt want to repeat the insult. Another time, I put my fist into a man's chest cause I saw him heading towards me to cop a feel, its called Eve-teasing... He acted surprised(is that any wonder) and asked in a loud voice : What the hell do you think you are doing? So I stopped, looked at him square in the eye and questioned him : What did you think YOU were trying to do? Of course, it ended with him walking away. The correct behaviour for a girl would be to Bawl their eyes out until someone will punch the boy/man for them.
3. Gone to the Cinema Alone : My friend who said she would meet me backed out that last minute and I was already at the cinema, I waited and she didnt turn up so I went in by myself and watched the movie... Of course, this was before the advent of cell phone mania. The correct behaviour was to forget the movie and go back home.
4. Ate at a restaurant Alone : I had to leave early so skipped breakfast and by lunch time I was so hungry, I couldnt care what anyone thought as I sat at this restaurant alone and had my Lunch. Of course, I could feel the eyes stare at me, cause it wasnt a done thing for a girl to go to the restaurant ALONE.. but my hunger made me beyond caring.
5. Said the unthinkable : There was this Man, not very older than I was, at the place where I was Studying part-time. I was trying to get an appointment with him to discuss the change I wanted in paying my tuition and everytime I met with his "secretary" she would tell me, hes not in, and that he wont be in. After a few days, my patience ran out.. so I went up to the Secretary and said "I dont care whether he is in or out. I would like a Date with him." All eyes in that office room flew in my direction and the secretary had her jaw hanging. By the time I realized what I said, the man himself walked out of the office and I got to talk to him.. Well it worked though I was embarassed.
6. Put a guy in his place : There was this Guy in the group I used to go out with, he was such a pompous jerk. I tolerated him, cause he was a friend of my friend. I was 17 years old and my curfew was 6 p.m. (yeah! unbelievable right?). So one day we were late getting to the coffee place so I said, I need to get going, cause my curfew was 6 pm and this guy Says to me sneeringly -"At the rate at which you are scared of your parents, you will end up marrying half a man"..So I retort -"Sure, then I would marry You." Yes, the whole bunch, 7 of them Laughed, except for him.. Suffice to say, he never crossed swords with me again, he left me alone.:). According to another Guy in the group, that is a guy trait, mostly girls wait for a guy to come to her rescue when insulted by other guys. Hah! Well, I guess I didnt know.
7. Read books : I liked books that were about wars, history, warriors, soldiers, cowboys, detectives, philosophy all these were considered too serious for a Girl to read or understand...well I still dont understand how that is serious for a girl? Care to explain anyone? According to a source, I could read as long as it was myths, legends etc about how woman should be... Hmm. Why cant I decide what a woman should be, especially when I am one? So well I did just that.
8. Told some elders off : I told a few elders who visited us and stayed for a few weeks to stop chain smoking before they kill me and themselves. My mother was Hyper Annoyed at me cause she thought that was going against all rules of being the tolerant, patient, hospitable, saint of a woman I was being trained to be. Yes, I could be all those, but what use is it, if I dont live until I finish training?
9. Repaired the Bicycle by myself, apparently I should have told my dad or brother or some guy to fix silly things like the chain coming off or the brake cables that needed tightening or the dynamo to work the light.. Hmph.
10. Travelled alone across seas... apparently I should have someone accompanying me cause well, I am a woman... I havent figured this one yet...I get a part of it but not the whole.
11. I hate shopping, I wait until I cant do without something before I go shopping and when I do I have a list ready, get in and out of the shop as soon as I can. I call it Power Shopping. I dont like dressing up, although I do it for the sake of propriety. Apparently, Women should love shopping and dressing up and caking makeup on their faces...Well, not this woman.
12. I love sports. Ok, not all sports. I liked to play field hockey but I never got to play on a team, my dad and I would play together. The hockey stick was my favorite thing. I also loved to play badminton, I still play on the streets with my children and husband. I have had some of my family object to the idea, I smiled and continued to play. I learned martial arts, Tae kwon do. I had to beg my dad to let me train and he did. I got up to the Orange belt after which I quit due to time constraints. Now I do it with my son... its fun.
Wondering what you all did, that went against the grain of Gender Definintions. Hope you all enjoyed the read. Have a wonderful weekend
Peace.
Rashmi.
A dozen things that I did what my gender at the time was not doing. This looks like I am blowing my trumpet... I will go cut my ego horns afterwards, I promise :). Before I go further, I have to explain that all these I did without a thought about being a girl, only after it was done, when someone else brought my attention to it, did I realize that these were apparently not something a girl was supposed to do...I didnt make the rules for the girls and boys. While I agree there are differences in genders, I also think that when it comes to personalities and things we can do, there shouldnt be limits on what each gender can or cannot do.
1. Ask Questions : In my time, children were mostly seen not heard... but my mouth had a mind of its own. Everytime something didnt make sense to me, the question Why ?/ How ? / Really? would pop out of my mouth of its own accord. Most times I would get a scolding cause this used to happen with subjects that you dont question or defy, like - tradition, religion, rituals, customs or something the adults did, that to me, seemed unethical.
2. Boxed a boy and man who wasnt a Man : This particular neighbour boy, had a foul mouth and I was about 9 years old...One time we got into an argument and everything was fine until he called my parents some unsavory names.. Out popped my fist, of its own accord, no thought involved and made contact on his upper lip and nose.. of course, his nose bled and I was grounded and caned but that was my fault cause I never told my parents what he had said, I didnt want to repeat the insult. Another time, I put my fist into a man's chest cause I saw him heading towards me to cop a feel, its called Eve-teasing... He acted surprised(is that any wonder) and asked in a loud voice : What the hell do you think you are doing? So I stopped, looked at him square in the eye and questioned him : What did you think YOU were trying to do? Of course, it ended with him walking away. The correct behaviour for a girl would be to Bawl their eyes out until someone will punch the boy/man for them.
3. Gone to the Cinema Alone : My friend who said she would meet me backed out that last minute and I was already at the cinema, I waited and she didnt turn up so I went in by myself and watched the movie... Of course, this was before the advent of cell phone mania. The correct behaviour was to forget the movie and go back home.
4. Ate at a restaurant Alone : I had to leave early so skipped breakfast and by lunch time I was so hungry, I couldnt care what anyone thought as I sat at this restaurant alone and had my Lunch. Of course, I could feel the eyes stare at me, cause it wasnt a done thing for a girl to go to the restaurant ALONE.. but my hunger made me beyond caring.
5. Said the unthinkable : There was this Man, not very older than I was, at the place where I was Studying part-time. I was trying to get an appointment with him to discuss the change I wanted in paying my tuition and everytime I met with his "secretary" she would tell me, hes not in, and that he wont be in. After a few days, my patience ran out.. so I went up to the Secretary and said "I dont care whether he is in or out. I would like a Date with him." All eyes in that office room flew in my direction and the secretary had her jaw hanging. By the time I realized what I said, the man himself walked out of the office and I got to talk to him.. Well it worked though I was embarassed.
6. Put a guy in his place : There was this Guy in the group I used to go out with, he was such a pompous jerk. I tolerated him, cause he was a friend of my friend. I was 17 years old and my curfew was 6 p.m. (yeah! unbelievable right?). So one day we were late getting to the coffee place so I said, I need to get going, cause my curfew was 6 pm and this guy Says to me sneeringly -"At the rate at which you are scared of your parents, you will end up marrying half a man"..So I retort -"Sure, then I would marry You." Yes, the whole bunch, 7 of them Laughed, except for him.. Suffice to say, he never crossed swords with me again, he left me alone.:). According to another Guy in the group, that is a guy trait, mostly girls wait for a guy to come to her rescue when insulted by other guys. Hah! Well, I guess I didnt know.
7. Read books : I liked books that were about wars, history, warriors, soldiers, cowboys, detectives, philosophy all these were considered too serious for a Girl to read or understand...well I still dont understand how that is serious for a girl? Care to explain anyone? According to a source, I could read as long as it was myths, legends etc about how woman should be... Hmm. Why cant I decide what a woman should be, especially when I am one? So well I did just that.
8. Told some elders off : I told a few elders who visited us and stayed for a few weeks to stop chain smoking before they kill me and themselves. My mother was Hyper Annoyed at me cause she thought that was going against all rules of being the tolerant, patient, hospitable, saint of a woman I was being trained to be. Yes, I could be all those, but what use is it, if I dont live until I finish training?
9. Repaired the Bicycle by myself, apparently I should have told my dad or brother or some guy to fix silly things like the chain coming off or the brake cables that needed tightening or the dynamo to work the light.. Hmph.
10. Travelled alone across seas... apparently I should have someone accompanying me cause well, I am a woman... I havent figured this one yet...I get a part of it but not the whole.
11. I hate shopping, I wait until I cant do without something before I go shopping and when I do I have a list ready, get in and out of the shop as soon as I can. I call it Power Shopping. I dont like dressing up, although I do it for the sake of propriety. Apparently, Women should love shopping and dressing up and caking makeup on their faces...Well, not this woman.
12. I love sports. Ok, not all sports. I liked to play field hockey but I never got to play on a team, my dad and I would play together. The hockey stick was my favorite thing. I also loved to play badminton, I still play on the streets with my children and husband. I have had some of my family object to the idea, I smiled and continued to play. I learned martial arts, Tae kwon do. I had to beg my dad to let me train and he did. I got up to the Orange belt after which I quit due to time constraints. Now I do it with my son... its fun.
Wondering what you all did, that went against the grain of Gender Definintions. Hope you all enjoyed the read. Have a wonderful weekend
Peace.
Rashmi.
8 comments:
I did enjoy the read very much! I can't in this moment think of specific gender related incidents, but I was born a natural rule breaker!
lmfao.. i love you for being like this. specially boxing XY buggers :P, watching movie alone and travelling alone.
i'll share my list soon. Rebels Rule :D
I was just the opposite. :P
How refreshing...and familiar...Although I am not mechanically inclined, and the 'mouthy part' was surely not so enviously advanced... I have slugged a guy..(for tackling me in a 'touch' football game)..done so many things all by myself, even to this day... hate to shop..travelled alone many times, even to Europe.....won the High School Badminton Championship...I was never so wonderfully outspoken as you as to speak my mind, even though it gets easier as I get older.
Gender has never been something I was really conscious of....as most of my friends when I was young were boys and it never occurred to me there was so much of a difference.
We share a lot of commonalities ...and not so much from a wont for independence .. it just never occurred to me that I needed to be anything but me.
Love this blog...It makes me wonder what our world would be like if the man/woman thing didnt exist... I think it would be a very different place. ... Maybe someday... sigh...
What a lovely post Rashmi! Loved every point and was laughing while reading. :)
Jackie, its funny when I look back on what I have said without thinking and then realize that my Inside does know how to respond as long as I dont exert my THINKING. I dont mind the Man/Woman differences.. I just dont enjoy the Prejudiced Stereotypical rules that are applied.
I agree...I think I used the words wrongly...was hoping to convey exactly what you said..Prejudiced Stereotypical in all aspects... So much so that it is almost impossible to find the defferences inside.. what is sterotyped on my brain..? and who is the real me? I really do think I was somewhat of a maverick as you... somehow it has not to this day 'clicked in' that I should do 'woman's work' or treat any man more or less than what is sponteaneous, and voluntary... I simply have no fear of the male garbage... and the men sense that... My relationships with men are always clearly understood and enjoyed.. since there is never any overture of the obviously too personal type, it was easy to trust..and this was all through high school, too. We had way too much fun to be doing that stuff. Virginity in my time was still somewhat sanctimoniously revered...and a girl simply didnt do things things ( uh huh ) before marriage. I had lots of boyfriends after high school though... none serious or in any way innappropriate. We all went out to have fun and do social stuff. and they all treated me with respect and never used foul language or talked about innappropriate stuff.. sex was never approached....Things are very different now.
Its fun reading this post Rashmi. I had a smile when I realized my daughter did 40% of the above.
Wondering what you all did, that went against the grain of Gender Definintions??... Few nostalgic moments you brought.Some funny,some way beyond!!Oh! No.Let me shut my mouth.
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