The first thought - I shouldnt be writing this as Tuesday is almost done. Then it occurred to me I owe you the "n" number of reasons why I have not been writing...soon another question pops in - how does it matter, I still havent written, Have I? so dont give the reasons.
I have been ambivalent, thats not to say I am not feeling, but that I cant really put my finger on what it is that I am feeling or thinking. So I have been ambivalent.
I have been offline most days. Son went to school today after being ill since Thursday with some kind of stomach bug. I am tired from cleaning up and dis-infecting surfaces often and cooking something that keeps him from making bathroom runs. I want a Genie right now!!
My seedlings are sprouting..(YAY!!! ). Soon I will have tomatoes, chillies, eggplant, beans and hopefully Okra(keeping fingers crossed, that one doesnt look very happy to be sprouting). I dug about 8 inches deep, 2 feet wide, 6 feet long, 2 patches of soil in the backyard over the weekend and have a massive episode of stuffed head/sneezing from breathing whatever it was that floated around as I dug, this in spite of taking an anti-histamine before I headed out *sigh*. Now I need to make the soil worthy for growing veges, its mostly sticky clay.. Any ideas how to do it? I am thinking of putting in a mixture of sand, topsoil and compost, would that be good enough?
Heres a few of the flowers that have bloomed in the planters
Golden Allysium
African Voilets
Geranium
I havent called home in two weeks, funnily there isnt much to say to my dad or brother. Theres that feeling of a chasm between us(without any concrete reason) and I am unwilling to take the first steps to cross the chasm...and hence it shall remain.
I have been thinking of death a lot. No, do not worry, I am not thinking suicidal thoughts. I am too much of a coward to find the guts to kill myself. I have been questioning what I believe about death. What if what I believe about death isnt True. What if there isnt a soul or any energy that I am part off. What if everything that I have come to perceive as of now, is complete rot. What if me thinking that we are all somehow connected is complete nonsense, just something my mind made up so that I wouldnt feel as lonely as it really is? Do I really want to know the answer? Hmm... I am not sure.
In the past 4 weeks we have had quite a few earthquakes around the world and an erupted volcano, I wonder what the Earth is Thinking. Temperatures in India was a Little too High for this time of the year. Most everyone I have spoken too are complaining of the heat and there have been about 55 deaths from the heat wave around the country... I wonder how hot summer will be, where I am.
I got a pile of books(fiction and non-fiction)from the Library that I havent yet touched in two weeks...so ok, my mind isnt where its supposed to be, why cant I just Read? I watched Mists of Avalon again...I like Julianne Margulies as Morgaine and the rest of the actors. I like the book too.
Theres a new smart little boy at the pre-school I work at. This little one is 4 years old, well mannered, very gentle, knows his letters, numbers, concepts of counting, reads 3 to 4 letter words well, knows facts about animals and plants, has a fantastic sense of symmetry, colours inside the lines. I am completely impressed and in love with him, of course it helps he is absolutely, adorably, cute.. I also noticed that this year the ratio of Boys:Girls is 5:1 I wonder why? Also, How do you help a child who is just 3 or 4 understand that the parent is dying ? I am sad and clueless about it but I dont want to pity.
It looks like its going to rain, Nay Pour this evening, the clouds are the darkest grey right now...
Here's something to laugh at... I thought this was the most innovative Idea to solve Loneliness
I hope you all had a fantastic day today, that there was something that made you smile and something that made you feel blessed.
Goodnight/day depending on where you are.
Peace
Rashmi.
11 comments:
Your garden sounds like heaven...when is dinner with all those delicious veggies you are growing? ;)
I do believe we are all connected, that each one of us has purpose and meaning. I encourage you not to doubt what you know to be true in your gut. Sue, i question meaning and life, but underneath it all I know everything happens for a reason and that the interconnections will hold it all together.
I, too, wonder what is on mother nature's mind. It has been an odd weather year, to say the least. i cannot help but wonder if our recklessness with the resources of this planet is catching up with us somehow,
I am sorry you feel so disconnected from your brother and father. Perhaps that disconnection you feel is spilling over into your beliefs?
Trust yourself, Rashmi. You are a wise woman. Hugs.
Hi Rashmi Oh I do understand where you come from in this post. However, I can not write an answer for your mood of thoughtfulful ambivalence here.
Weather wise it has been a shake up and an eye opener as you said.
Maybe it is Mother natures way of saying that She Still holds the upper hand.
I am not one to argue that.
I love your photos of the pretty flowers and as you take the trouble to plant your very own veggie garden I look forward to the photos of your prolific crop.
That trio of a good manure, compost and some light sandy loam soil should help a bit in the garden beds. Sometimes it is trial and error to get the right mix.
Below is a helpful site for you to read.
http://organicgardening.about.com/od/soil/a/improveclaysoil.htm
Thanks for sharing here Rashmi and it is aLways a pleasure to visit you here.
Hugs xoxo
Was wondering why gardening interest now and I got the answer here http://www.londonancestor.com/hobby/gardening.htm
I love your ten thought posts Rashmi :)
Choose to beleive whatever feels best ~ why not ;)
lol I was thinking about your seeds just yesterday! Was going to ask about them...hee hee
I have three books I need to read and haven't started any of them
when we get older we do tend to think of death more often...it's "normal" (what ever that is lol)
hugs
I too, love your thoughts and I think I always will. :)
You already know how I think about dying, when you die, that's it. We are organic, is that the right word? I think we are all connected in living this life, enjoying each other and looking in awe at our gardens that we grow or the flowers that bloom. Choose to believe whatever you please, if it makes you happy, like my mom did. :)
I suppose that is possible... a sort of transference of emotions. Thank you Jo. (hugs)
Thank you Milli..
That site is Helpful.:). I have been looking over the web and most places complicate the simple act of planting with tools to measure PH and which brand of soil to buy etc.. etc..
Madhavan, I suppose that is one of the many reasons...it does reduce stress, when you are feeling happy.
New report- my son's watermelon seed sprouted and he couldnt stop checking on it every time he comes to the kitchen, to see if its grown any.. it was hilarious to watch his impatience.
I think so to.. yes, we are organic and will end up in nature's recycle bin. Are our minds Organic? I am not sure it is. What is that which experiences? If we were only Organic, we shouldnt have been any different than the rock but it is obvious there is some property that makes us not All Organic. I was wondering what happens to that which Thinks, feels and experiences within us..where does that go, cause at present to me, that seems like a Light that is in the fire or that wetness in the water or that movement in the wind- cant catch it, or hold it but its there, we sense it and experience it.
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