Hope you are all having a Good, Productive Work week. Sorry for not being here. Life has taken over for now. I am trying to not feel overwhelmed but I feel it on my feet and neck(yes, I carry stress on my neck and feet... If Any one knows how to give a good foot massage, I would be Grateful :P?
One of the things I love about life in USA is being able to listen to the National Public Radio(yes, small things make me HAPPY). For the past two days, I have been listening in on one of the programs that is in collaboration with BBC "World have your Say". The topic for the last two days were- Race(its easier for me to listen to something as I do my chores than watch something). Yes, its mostly a Taboo topic. I dont like discussing it either cause for the most part, what I say could be misconstrued or looked upon as somehow my lack of "self-confidence" and I dont like defending my stand either way. Its my perception and thats that, I cant understand why I have to explain or elaborate it.
Its been my experience with taboo subjects - people dont want to talk about it. Although its obvious, most think that if we deny something, it will cease to exist. While this does work for some things(like denying attention to a whining Kid and ignoring him to the point where he is forced to modify behaviour positively to get attention), I dont think it works when it comes to Racism. There is also a sort of Fear of Offending the seemingly presumed "oppressed", of not being Politically correct.
While I do have my own experiences with discrimination in terms of racism, I refuse to let it dictate how I walk through my life. Yes, it is annoying and somethings become difficult because of it but I believe that if I cant walk through it, theres always a way around it if I look hard enough. I have observed different ways in which people cope with it. Some will deny their own heritage, native tongue, Name given to them, traditions, religious observances, culture etc. in the hope that they will belong to the dominant group. Some will become obsessed with rising up in the ladder of Economic Status so no one dares discriminate them with regards to their skin colour. I guess, each has to do what works for them best.
Reality to me is, there is always going to be discrimination of some kind or another, if its not about my skin colour, it could be about my gender or my physical appearance or my accent or what I eat or wear or how I walk or talk or do something or work etc... I do accomodate people when its possible to do so but would I give up all that I am so I could be accepted into the dominant group.. I dont know, I havent been in any drastic situation where I have to. The other face of Reality that I am very aware of is, that no matter what a person's physical attributes and attitudes in life are, it lasts only so long, we all have to die. So I would rather embrace all that I am including my frailities.
Now for the program and the opinions thereoff. Today's question was Does your skin colour define you?
For me- It does and doesnt define me. It would completely depend on the situation I am in. My skin colour is something I am aware off only when I am in a Group that is Pre-dominately White, otherwise, I dont even think about it. Do I act white or a certain way to be accepted? Oh lordy! I hope not. I do speak English slower when I speak to someone who isnt Indian, but it is more to accomodate proper communication. Cause that was my experience for the first year I was in the US, most Americans couldnt understand what I said cause I spoke fast and my accent made it difficult to understand.. so I slowed down, I spell the words sometimes so that they know what I am talking about.. Its not so difficult for me to understand them although most of their Jokes are lost on me (giggling).
One of the Guests said something that I thought was the crux of the issue. That it doesnt matter whether the person of colour actually thinks in terms of their colour, but that they will be forced to think so when the others around them have them boxed because of their colour. I felt that was the deal for most of the coloured folk. Most arent aware that they are dark skinned until someone points out that they are different.
I couldnt find a feed or archive for the program at BBC. But I did find the World have your say Blog. So here you go enjoy the comments.
Peace Always
Rashmi.
9 comments:
Skin color... My Asian friends noticed, three years ago, that I am White.
I put my hand near my Taiwanese friend's and it was no color difference. I was so puzzled... because she said she's Yellow.
However, due to my NYC experiences and tones of Asian friends (Vietnamese, Korean, Japanese, Indian, Bengali) now I started to become aware when people with slightly different color enter the store where I work. They get super-nice treatment from me and all the good tips about what's new in the store and what's the sale - mostly because I know those people are not treated supernice in all the stores and they expect to be the same everywhere.
Well, I want them to enjoy shopping and get the best for their bucks.
I'd rather not smile at a "white" customer who is too uptight to answer at my "hello"... You should see those tight asses and lips... women who don't know how to smile and get their bitterness out in the world like they are the queens of the world... and in fact they are nothing, just that have a "wife" credit card.
I have never been in a group that is not predominately white. I have never lived in any place where I could look at around and see the same race of people that I am as the majority. I am Native American, and I was adopted as an infant by a Mexican American family. I feel most comfortable being with other Mexicans. Even though I was born from Native American people, I was raised with Mexican parents. I can identify with the Mexican heritage far more than I can or ever will the Native American one. It is what I know. When I went to Mexico for the first time, it was the first time I was with people LIKE ME with the same color of skin. It felt so liberating.
The way I feel, how could the color of my skin NOT define me? It is part of who I am. It affects the way I think, the way I interact with people, the way I am treated by other people. I don't see it as a bad or negative aspect of who I am. It is just a part of me, the same way, my hair is brown, or the way I am physically built.
Given what I have said, I am married to a Caucasian British man. I don't like the feeling that I am somehow "legitimized" in public because I am with a white man. But I do get that feeling that somehow I am more "accepted" because of my white partner. Are my feelings rational? I don't know. It could also just be my perception on society that a woman who is with a man is more accepted than a single woman who goes out in public.
Ironically, when I go to Ireland, I am more accepted than Paul is because I am an American. Since Paul is British he usually incurs more of an "unfriendly" attitude from the Irish people than I do. Now, that Paul lives in Ireland (he is from London), he has had to learn to live with a prejudice from some of the Irish that stems from deeply felt history between the Irish and the British. Or course, he can walk the streets and no one knows immediately he is British, it is only when he talks to people that he is "marked" as different.
Interesting blog, Rashmi, thank for letting me share my views.
No colour issues from me Rashmi. Stress issues yes in feet and shoulders yes when I am tense these are the areas and yesss a good foot massage would be the best.....pity you did not live closer...Hugs from Milli.
No my skin color doesn't define me, i believe its whats on the inside that i'm more caring about, i don't feel i need to change the type of person i am to suit anyone, i think i need to be accepted for who i am and i think everyone should, just be there selves. Now i can understand like trying to learn the other country's language to be able to communicate, but not changing who you are inside, and be happy with our skin colors God made us all different but we are all his children is my belief.
I'm white but never thought my skin color was going to get me further in life. I grew up poor and in a mixed neighborhood, I still live in a mixed neighborhood. I don't feel any different from people of color. We are all individuals. Nice post Rashmi. :)
oh yes, in a group, we always look to discriminate others? race is one major component..
@ Simona : I didnt know that it was prejudice to have someone follow you in the store until my husband(who was here longer) told me it was. It was ticklish to realize that to some people all coloured people looked alike. I also notice the reverse racism - the coloured treating the ones within their spectrum of colour differently. So for me, its a very Human trait to want to differentiate and discriminate. I do think we have a long way to go before we look upon our species as ONE.
@ Rose : Glad to know more about you. :) I understand the "it was the first time I was with people LIKE ME with the same color of skin. It felt so liberating". I have seen localities within the US which become a Hub for people of either same ethinicities or colour. Its fascinating to observe how far we would go to get that sense of "Belonging". And- "I don't like the feeling that I am somehow "legitimized" in public because I am with a white man. But I do get that feeling that somehow I am more "accepted" because of my white partner. Are my feelings rational? "- I so get this. Feelings and rationality usually dont make good couples. To me, the Irish and the Brits look alike but its interesting to note that one wouldnt treat the other as "Same".
@ Milli, Oh I so wish I was close by too. Ah you have more sense carrying it on a broader based shoulder.. I dont know what I was thinking when I decided to make my used to be skinny neck the base for holding stress.:P
@ Connie, I wish more people would look at the inside. I agree about being different yet from the same source.
@ Tina, yes we are individuals, so I do think theres the Best, Good, Bad and Ugly in each of the different groups that we have in our world.
@ Sunder, oh its not just race, you should go to a party where only Indians are invited and you will see the groupings.. people working in the same place in a group, people with the same native tongue in a group, housewives in a group, working wives in a group, singles in a group, married with kids in a group.. Its hilarious, I have my own group too- "the sit in a corner and observe group"(giggling).
Rashmi, it is prejudice if someone follows you in the store.
The only kind of "following" allowed is the one when they help you finding the right size, or suggest you things about what you buy, or help you if you have any question. You should get the complete nice service, as every customer.
I have many problems at work with people who come to steal. I can tell you one thing: the thieves are mostly from here, born and breed in here. Someone guest here (guest worker, tourist and so on) pays even for the last earring pair or pin they buy.
my white skin has been a hindrance at times in certain places...
It is interesting to see how even this breaks down within a country.
For example, Yugoslavian friends of mine. At first they are all Yugoslavian. But then they ask "which part?" and then watch out as they are a mix of Serbs, Bosnians, and Croatians. Suddenly it becomes no longer Yugoslavian... Even my Serbian friends will start to argue about which city is better to be from.
**sigh**
I thought my life was in jeopardy when I defended Kosovo's independence in their presence. LOL!
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