Wedding Anniversary.

A month ago was our 10th wedding anniversary.  I know a lot of my friends are curious about my marriage experiences but they are very respectful of my privacy.  I do not talk about my marriage, due to a simple belief- that which is sacred shouldn't be spoken about.  I believe that in some situations, when words are put to a feeling, it loses its value and becomes trivial. 

Most assume that I must have an arranged marriage; after all we Indians are famous for our "Arranged marriages".  The truth is my marriage was arranged because it was a "Love marriage".  We knew each other before we married, we were good friends.  After about 5 years of being friends we decided to get married. The reason was very simple, we couldn't fathom living and sharing our lives with a stranger. Among the people from my country, marrying among the people of our own caste, religion or language base is an important aspect of our society. It gives the community a sense of cohesiveness and identity and therefore favored. Life is easy and comfortable or at least creates an illusion of comfort among a homogenous people, traditions and customs.

I am a South Indian, and my husband is a North Indian.  Although we are both Indians and both Hindus, we couldn't have more diverse traditions and customs.  Our food habits, ideas about life,  religion, spirituality, values and traditions are very different. The only thing that we agreed on was Humor and ethics.  We also agreed that we couldn't live on Air, water and sunshine as Romeo and Juliet did. We had to plan out our strategy and logistics if we really intended making a life for ourselves. 

The First obstacle we had was consent from Parents. I understand that to most non-Indians, the idea of parental consent to do what they want at 20 years of age is a weird concept. It will be viewed as Unhealthy, emotional dependence, lacking in individuality and confidence, but for most of us Indians, it is a necessity of our spirit.  We decided that we will patiently wait for our parents to give their blessings. We believed that our parents were wise enough to know when we really meant what we said. So we went ahead and told our parents that we wanted to start a life together and that we would like their consent.  Of course, they objected. They reasoned that we were young and have our heads in the clouds, that this idea of "falling" in love was an illusion. That if they kept us away from each other long enough we would "fall out" of love and get married to someone within our own social circles. After all, out of sight, out of mind.

At the time he worked in Bombay, in the IT field, while I was in Bangalore. After about a year in Bombay, he was sent to the USA to work on a project.  It isn't a big deal by today's standards, but this was India and it was the 90's. We didn't have email or any means for a cell phone. Calling to the US was too costly for me at the time and there was no phone in my home, for him to call and talk to me. So, we wrote each other letters, yes! With a pen, paper, envelope and stamp.  I still remember the wait for the postman and the thrill of getting a letter.  It reminds me of the Carpenter's song  "Please, Mr. Postman" ;)).  After about 2 years of waiting for consent, our parents agreed to give us their consent. So we were married, in the typical Vedic style, with blessings and wishes from all our relatives, friends, well wishers and Parents.  After the wedding, I came with my husband to live in the USA.

In the last ten years, we have had our ups and our downs.  We have learned to bend and flex according to the needs of our relationship. We have laughed a lot; loved a lot; argued a lot; disagreed; fought over silly things; asked for forgiveness; let our egos come in the way of being happy;  been tender; been jerks; stopped talking to each other; talked to each other through the night; taken care of each other when we were ill; been through the birth of our kids together; took turns through the nights staying up the first few months after the babies were born; got through down turns in the IT industry; moved many times and listened to each others hopes, dreams and fears. In all the changes that has happened in our lives, the constant has been Trust, Respect, Friendship, Space for each other to grow, Caring and Lots of Laughter.  I guess I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

This is the song I spoke about above