"There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. "A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."
A friend of mine sent this to me. It got me thinking ”how many times do we say hurtful things to others using the excuse- exercising the "Freedom of Speech"? How many times do we say things that we know will leave a scar using the excuse "I was being honest"? I look back in remorse at all the times I have hurt others with my words. My mother used to say that I have a razor for a tongue. When I was younger, I could cut a person down with what I said. Today, my easiest excuse would be to say that I was Young and I knew no better. But then that would be dishonest of me, for I knew that it would hurt. I didn't care enough or I was hurting and the easiest thing to do was to lash out and hurt the others, especially the ones you love the most.
I have always known Words have Power. Back home, we worship words; the faculty of speech, voice, for it's a form of God. We call it Vak. My parents used to impress on me the value of using speech wisely, to never overdo the talking or use the voice/words to hurt, gossip, or utter untruth. They said that being able to say what needs saying, when it needs saying, in the right tone of voice was a virtue that each of us should cultivate. They said- "Words, like our thoughts, manifest, so be careful how you use them" Of course, I rebelled. "What is the point of having a voice if we can't voice what we think?" "Where is there freedom, if we have to censor what we say and how we say it?" "If he/she/they get hurt, it's their problem in accepting the truth. It just shows their irrationality and emotional immaturity, if they are offended by what I say but it's the truth". These were the things I said to my parents when they asked me to temper what I said.
Life has a strange way of teaching you lessons, you need to learn. My lessons in the chapter of "Speech as a Virtue", came when I married. Getting along with a new set of family and relatives, making new acquaintances and friends was a different ball game, once you are the Lady of the House. Instinctively I knew, I couldn't survive if I continued to have a razor for a tongue. And if I survived, I wouldn't be a happy person. And happiness was important to me. I had to let go of my arrogance. I began to understand the value of "Sweet talk, diplomacy and tact". I think I was the most tactless person on the face of the earth. I am still learning. Yes, being able to use our words in truth and harmony is a virtue. A virtue that is being forgotten in our present world.
I used to think Honesty, truth, and the ability to say what you think no matter what, was a mark of a good person. I still think it is. But now I add these words "using those qualities judiciously" is a mark of a good person. Over the years, I have learned to temper my words. I have learned to not say anything if I knew it could hurt or offend. I have learned to keep my voice to myself. I have learned to hold my peace every now and then. I try as much as I can, to say what could help or make the other smile or I say nothing at all. Saying nothing at all is very difficult, especially when you believe you "Know this well". I don't always succeed; my old persona appears to say "hi" every now and then. I still get into messy situations because of what I say, but they are becoming fewer. I hope my parents notice the change, and know that their teaching didnt fall on deaf ears. Maybe it will make them happy for a while.
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