Random Ramble.

I am going to state the obvious, for that is what is on my mind.  Its fall here in Oregon. As much as I like the change of colours, the incessant rains get to me, the darkness gets to me, the festival season gets to me. Suddenly I am aware of the lack of - belonging, family, friends I grew up with.  Every  year when spring comes I make a silent promise to not complain about the weather and I never seem to keep that promise... Although in truth, the complaints have lessened, from complaining every 3 hours or so to complaining once in 3 days.   I have begun to attribute this feeling to a habit, a passing phase every year like having to sleep every night.  This feeling visits me every fall, stays over the winter and leaves me alone once spring arrives. Now to other things that occupy space in my mind.

Diwali, the festival of lights is on the 5th of November.  So the House is getting thoroughly cleaned, old stuff are getting thrown out or given away and days have become busy, not because everything is being done, but because of the pre-occupation of getting everything done by 5th. This is something that we do at the onset of spring and fall.  Rid the old (patterns) that arent working for us so the new have a place in our lives.

I have been following whats happening in Indonesia.  Its sad and scary to imagine what the people there are going through.  I see pictures and it like going through pictures of the earlier earthquakes and volcanic eruptions... Natural disaster, people dying, the living struggling, only the place and time is different. History repeats itself... There must be a pattern to it too.

The mid-term elections are on their way and I am appalled at the ads for candidates. Every ad is a negative ad about some canditate.  Why? for heavens sake, cant they stick with what they will do right instead of what others are doing wrong?  I dont see strength of character when people spread rumours/propaganda, gossip, involve others wrongs to view themselves as righteous/good.  Maybe I am idealistic and naive with the workings of the world but I know wrong when I see one. When you start something by putting another down and stepping on them, the results arent going to be good.  Everything starts with intention. I dont see the intention to make life better for those governed, in those ads. What I see is a wanting to get in office any way possible. Yes, the perks of ambitious Go-Getting attitude. Why are we like this? I am not saying dont get to a high place but please there are right ways of doing it... Even if the intention is right, if you take the wrong steps to get the right result, things will not work out.

I have been having weird dreams.  They dont make any sense to me. I cant remember all of it when I wake, except for something that stood out. In one, I stopped walking(yes, I always walk in my dreams, I dont understand that either, why cant I be taking a bus/train/plane/car? hmph!!)and pulled out a thorn from my barefeet.  Last night, I dreamed a long dream but I only remember this part - I had a one winged moth on my clothes. I dreamed of my long dead grandmother coming down a mountainside(I dream of the wildest places, mostly untouched) and she was dressed in white(usually someone who is a widow dresses in white in our community and my grandmom was a widow when she passed) with lots of pearl jewellery(which is weird, cause she never wore any after she became a widow in real life). Anyone care for dream interpretations?

I am still reading Korean History, theres a lot to assimilate. I think I should learn to speak Korean, its fascinating to me. Or maybe thats a phase too.  I am also reading "The fifth agreement" . And "The Tale of Genji" which is fascinating.. I am not sure if I should review them, cause its mostly history and legend and insights into self.

We had a cold/cough/allergy sharing in our home and I am still coughing...My flute playing has become a mess with me having a cold. I cant breathe and my playing sounds more like a stuck up hiccup than flowing wind. Icky(not that I played Fantastically before)

Whats it with trousers from the store.. they never sit right on my waist...who ever thought low-riders are great way to wear trousers? Why wear a trouser if it shows your underwear and butt-crack? What were they thinking? *sigh*  I need to learn sewing... I dont "dig" the trousers that come into the stores.

I watched an old movie with Meg Ryan(I like her, dont ask me why? I dont know) in it "Proof of life". It got me thinking on various issues in relationships...I wondered about the kinds of Love, Friendship, Gratitude, wanting to give of ourselves to others that we experience. I liked Russell Crowe's character in it. Of course, I loved his character in "A Beautiful Mind" and in "Gladiator".  Like Hugh Jackman, this guy has a talent to bringing out what he feels...But he doesnt beat - Sir Anthony Hopkins or Pierce Brosnan..*giggling*.

I have been keeping my word about organizing my life...My life fell from being "spic-span, very disciplined, orderly" days, after the children were born.  I am not very good with changes, especially when those changes mean I give up my idea of perfection(which I finding is pure BS these days).  I feel grateful on one hand to my children for having shown me that theres more to life than routine and perfection and on the other, I badly want to get back to being a little disciplined with my life, if not as much as it was before they came.  Its a tug of war my mind goes through.  I am learning to let it be for myself. I am good at accepting others ways even when I dont agree with it, but I am hard on myself.  I am learning to flow with what is when it comes to myself, without forcing myself to be the way I THINK I should be. It is difficult but its a goal in being happy with myself. I should say, I have been a lot at ease with myself since.

Thank you all for reading and leaving your thoughts.  It means a lot to me.
Chores await my attention....So off I go...
Signing off
Peace
Rashmi.