Mother's Day 2007

It has been a very consistent habit of mine to learn from what happens to me. But I am also consistent in forgetting the lessons, usually the most important ones. Life does smack you well to remind you of the forgotten lessons. When I was a kid, I had absolutely no grip on reality. I wanted a family of my own and I wanted a football team for kids. I loved kids(still love them), of course, as long as they went home with their parents at the end of the day. I loved playing teacher to my younger cousins and my brother. Being a Mother was something I was sure I would be when I grew up. I knew I will marry and that I will have kids with the Man I love. So Here I am a Mother of two hopefully with a Grip on Reality.

Being involved in sports taught me a lot about myself and about what I wanted myself to be. Our Coach at school was a Man from the Army. He trained us like a regiment, discipline was imperative. In one of his talks he gave us, he said "Life is like these training sessions, you need to be disciplined, you are going to sweat a lot, you are going to be in pain that's unbearable at times, you will feel like you cant breathe anymore from exhaustion but you need to keep going, because life is about that one second when we know we beat our own record; For that one moment when we know we cleared the bar when we thought we couldn't; For that one moment when we reached further than we imagined. In that one Moment, everything you have gone through until that moment will be worth it." At that time, the words made no sense as they floated right through the tunnel in my ears. I had forgotten this talk but then I became a mother, Life got to be harder than I imagined. In that difficulty when I wonder if the effort is worth it, my kids answered in subtle ways. A hug, a laugh, a sudden knowing of what to do when their friends are sad, words like "I am sorry mom, for hurting your feelings" or "Mom don't worry, I will show Kaushik(my son) how to do that". Yes! We live our lives in that Nanosecond, within the details that brought about that Nanosecond.

At college, I loved the fact that it wasn't compulsory to participate in sports. So I did the easiest thing there was, I became a spectator of sports. In the second year of the sports meet, we had a demonstration for Tae Kwon do. At the time I had no clue what Tae Kwon do was all about. To me anything that had to do with martial arts was related to Bruce Lee. I loved watching his movies. I took the brochure home. So began my saga with Martial arts. The practice sessions were brutal. Half way through the first session, I felt like my knees could hold me up no more. I felt my shoulders hurt from holding certain punch positions. I couldn't do five pushups or thigh sit-ups. I was the only new student, the six other girls were literally pros. They could do the pushups, the sit-ups, the crunches and actually have enough energy to spar at the end of the session. I was ashamed for feeling like and being a weakling. I wanted to give up, but I couldn't.

My thoughts must have been on my face. At the end of the session the teacher called me aside. He offered a cup of water and asked me how I liked the session. I stood there quietly wondering how I should answer that without giving away how awful I felt. I said "I am not sure, I will know for sure in a week's time."  Then I gave myself a sound mental whack. What in the world was wrong with me? What was I thinking? How could I commit myself for a week's session when I felt like I was run over by a Truck in one session? Oblivious to my thoughts, the teacher smiled and said "You expected to become Bruce Lee in one session?" The idea was so hilarious that I smiled too. "Ok, since you will be here for the next session, here's what I need you to do until then."  He showed me the stretches I needed to practice everyday, the correct way to position my feet so that the stance is stable and my knees won't be strained. There was also a correct way to make a fist so that I don't injure my wrists or my thumb.

We had three sessions per week and I practiced at home every day, very diligently. I pushed myself to do the pushups and the sit-ups and the crunches without much success. The second session, I still felt awful. I was aware of every muscle in my body. My body felt like someone had used it for a punch bag. The third session I was able to get through the pushups but I still wasn't getting anywhere with thigh sit-ups or crunches. After each session I went home even more dejected. I wanted results, immediate results. I wished Life was like Instant Noodles. It wasn't going to happen; I had to learn to accept what my body was capable of at that time. I really hated the fact that I had no endurance. After three weeks, I could get through the session without feeling as miserable as I did on the first class. I was not at all good as the others but I kept what the teacher said in my mind "Keep your own pace, let your body get ready in its own time." I kept telling myself that I didn't have an option to "Give up" that I had to "Keep my word for myself". I would block out the words "I can't" and rephrase it with "I will in time". And I did in time. I learned to have a standard that was all mine and it was high.

I loved the sense of balance that Tae kwon do taught. It was precise without exaggeration. Each session was intense. It forced me to focus so that I could get the required effect. In time, my hand to eye co-ordination improved a good measure. My reflexes became acute too. I could see before actually seeing with my eyes. I liked the sense of ME that I developed. Before I was impulsive so I did things that seemed courageous, but now it was as if I knew enough to be brave without having to do anything. Somehow I began to feel much grounded. Maybe it was because I was about the tail end of my teens at the time.

As I practiced the stretches that the teacher taught us to do, I began to understand Stretch in the real sense of the word. I became aware that life was about stretching ourselves sensibly. Knowing our limits and working to stay strong within those limits. As I stretched, I realized that flexibility is a form of strength. Having boundaries was a form of strength. Not having a preference was a form of strength. In realizing my weaknesses, was my strength. It was a contradiction but it was true. Stretching helped me understand the basis of endurance. Being able to bear doesn't come from a gene but from constant focused push on our limits. Stretching made me humble. It made me see that no matter how much I stretched myself, there was only so much of me to stretch, therefore ensuring space for others to stretch. It made me see the keys that hold our minds. We could master our minds. It built a sense of compassion too. When I saw others make the errors that I made before, I found it easy to smile and let them learn in their own time. I stopped feeling the need to correct them or compete with them or challenge them like I used to before. Something told me that every one of us will get to that place in our life, where we learn from our errors. Over time I forgot this lesson, then my kids came along. Everyday they remind me, "let us learn in our time"  "we have our own pace, be patient" "there's nowhere to start off from except here"  "stretch out, know your limits, don't break"  "Know your strength, make your weakness your strength". These are the things that being a Mother has reminded me.

So On this Mother's day, I wish all the Mothers everywhere, would acknowledge their Strength. I hope we are always aware of how important this place is in our lives. I want all my wonderful friends on 360, to Thank their Mother's on My Behalf, for if it wasn't for your Mother's, I wouldn't have had all the gems in my Life. Have a Happy Mother's Day!!